Closing the distance, new jobs and living together???

[MZVIRGO82]

My boyfriend and I have been dating since June and after several visits later and a job offer/promotion, I have decided to move to his state!!!

I know it's a huge risk, but due to the new job and the fact it is a promotion with tons of new opportunities, I have decided to accept the position. We are super excited to start our lives together as he recently accepted a new job in the same city!

Now the big question is whether or not we live together? I'm a bit on the fence. I've lived with someone before and it ended horribly. I'm willing to take the risk and move in with him, but in reality we have only been dating a few months and I am wondering if we should get our own places.

He definitely wants to live together and see what it would be like to live with me and see each ther daily but for me adjusting to a new city as well as career is a lot and I'm nervous about "shacking up" lol.

I do want to live with him, but am wondering if I should wait. Not sure if it's the nerves talking or not.

To anyone who has closed the distance, did you and your s/o live together right away or lived in separate places? Please share...

[snow_girl]

When I closed the distance with my ex, we had been dating a year and a half (just under a year CD) I moved in with him. To me it didn't make sense to move across the world to live down the street. I wish I hadn't. It accelerated the relationship massively and I think it was part of the reason we didn't last. We missed out on the whole dating thing really, all of the sudden it was BAM we're living together and everything is super serious way faster then I would have wanted it to.

I would say wait, a few visits is a lot different then living together. Move close, get to know each other on a daily basis rather then a short trip one. Then if it continues to go well think about moving in.

[Moon]

^^ Couldn't agree more.

Just get your own place, and get used to being around each other all the time first. While you're both adjusting, you'll have a place to escape to when you need it. Get used to being CD, then once your lease runs out, you can make that move, if it feels right.

[Dezface]

I think since it's not necessary for you to live together and you've only been dating a short while, you should get your own place. It just makes sense to take it slower.

I moved across the world with no job so that was never even an option for us.

[Rugger]

When I closed the distance with my ex, we had been dating a year and a half (just under a year CD) I moved in with him. To me it didn't make sense to move across the world to live down the street. I wish I hadn't. It accelerated the relationship massively and I think it was part of the reason we didn't last. We missed out on the whole dating thing really, all of the sudden it was BAM we're living together and everything is super serious way faster then I would have wanted it to.

I would say wait, a few visits is a lot different then living together. Move close, get to know each other on a daily basis rather then a short trip one. Then if it continues to go well think about moving in.

I second what snow said. When my SO and I moved in together, we'd been dating 3 years, but been LDR 2.5 years. Moving in together when he moved into my area almost destroyed us. It went from seeing him once a month to seeing him every day. I was used to being independent and having my own space, he was used to doing his own thing. He was so anxious to move out of my parents and I wanted to wait a bit so we could get used to each other. We didn't because He was so insistent on it. I felt rushed and in the end the whole thins spiraled out of control. We;ve just gotten back to a good spot after about 6 months of therapy.

I would wait also until you are dating at least a year. You don't really know someone until after that point

[alizee]

I think that you should take it slow!!! One step at a time - get your own place, adjust to the new jobs, to the idea of being close distance and then, when everything will fall into place you can move in together ...
I am so happy that you and your boyfriend are now close distance!!!!

[snow]

I agree with the above posters. I feel like you know it yourself that moving together AND having a new job AND getting used to a new area is a big thing and if you have the possibility to live close by then that is probably the best for you!
Take it slow and just try to imagine: would you move in with your boyfriend if you were close distance and dating for half a year?

[Lilly9886]

I got together with my bf in December and we were going to close the distance temporarly in July. We knew that much when he left after not even 2 months of being a couple. We also decided that we will live together, when he was still here, so about 1-2 months into the relationship. Why would I go to Mexico to not live with him?

So, everything was great, we got along perfect. And now he is here and we are close distance since 15 months already!

Of course, nothing is perfect, you just have to accept that! I don't see why you should't live with him! But that's just my opinion! Good luck with everything!

[MZVIRGO82]

Thank you all for your wonderful opinions, I really appreciate hearing both sides of things. I'm still not 100% sure which way I will go, right now I'm focusing on the transition out of my old job to the new one. I'm so excited that we will be close and living in the same city but don't want new jobs and the stress of it all to destroy the blossoming relationship. I will let you all know what I ultimately decide to do!

Once again thanks for the input, you all have given me a lot to think about :-)

[MZVIRGO82]

Wow! That is amazing, I am glad it has worked out for you guys. Part of me is thinking the exact same thing-I got the dream job, and I'm moving across the country so why not move with him....but then the other part of me is saying slow down! I just don't know. Thanks so much for your insight!

[keyblade]

I don't personally believe in telling you what's right for you, because you're you and what's right for you may not be right for another person.
All I have to say is that I am happy that you are closing the distance.
Yes, it hasn't been a very long time of dating, but it's for you to decide what you're comfortable with.

[oxytocinbite]

I would personally wait longer, since it has only been a few months. If you decide to move in with him, at least have a backup plan. You want to be able to have a place to live

Reading all these replies is making me nervous about moving in with my so in a year or so. It would be 2 years together but most of it long distance. I am living with him for a bit now though and its going great.

[MZVIRGO82]

I don't personally believe in telling you what's right for you, because you're you and what's right for you may not be right for another person.
All I have to say is that I am happy that you are closing the distance.
Yes, it hasn't been a very long time of dating, but it's for you to decide what you're comfortable with.

Thank you for your response. Still haven't made a decision but I am leaning towards taking the plunge and living together . I figure if it is meant for us to be together, we will be and if it isn't it won't be regardless of when we decide to move together. If i do choose to live with him, I will make sure I have enough stashed away that if I need to move out and secure a place for myself-funds will be available to do so. As well as emergency funds for a plane ticket home....I still have a few weeks to decide but will let everyone know...

[MZVIRGO82]

I would personally wait longer, since it has only been a few months. If you decide to move in with him, at least have a backup plan. You want to be able to have a place to live

Reading all these replies is making me nervous about moving in with my so in a year or so. It would be 2 years together but most of it long distance. I am living with him for a bit now though and its going great.

Thank you for your post- I am leaning towards taking the plunge and moving in with him. Aside from the great job opportunity, he is a huge reason why I even decided to look in that particular area for work-which paid off big time . I figure with emergency savings, if things should go bad, I will be prepared.

Then again I also get nervous at the thought of living with him since it is all so new- idk I keep going back and forth on the whole idea. I still have a few weeks to decide so we shall see...

[phoenix-]

Hi. I was in your shoes only a few months ago. Now I'm 3000 miles from where I started, living the life I was so afraid of risking back then. I'm living with Luke and it isn't nearly as bad as I thought it was gonna be. Like you, I had also come out of a rather horrible "shacking up" story, so I was very wary.

Several months after taking a new job, living in a new city, and shacking up with my guy, and I'm still standing! In fact, I can't imagine having to do all that without Luke who held me close when the days got really bad/sad. It's quite an adventure.

I say take what we say here, then just do what feels right. And once you do decide, just own your decision. My greatest obstacle was that I kept second-guessing my decision to move in together. Once I got over that insecurity, everything else went a little smoother.

Oh, statistics time! We dated for a puny month before he had to move for work, visited each other six times within one year, moved to him exactly one year after his departure from our city of origin. Good luck and congratulations!