afraid we might resent eachother if one of us moves

[snow]

Yes, there is that, too. I wonder how that would work out, in the long run. Seems like it could get complicated, with one or the other wanting to see other people, and maybe marrying someone else.

There is a couple people on here who are in a LDR that is going to take indefinitely and if you asked them, they would say, they don't think it could get complicated as they are committed to each other and won't want to marry someone else - that's the point of LDRs right? Be with each other despite the distance?

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

There is a couple people on here who are in a LDR that is going to take indefinitely and if you asked them, they would say, they don't think it could get complicated as they are committed to each other and won't want to marry someone else - that's the point of LDRs right? Be with each other despite the distance?

Yes, that's true. But with young couples, I would wonder about biological clock ticking. But of course it would be up to the individual couple. I guess even then, they could have children, although that would be very hard.

[Zephii]

I only read the original post, not the whole thread, might have missed something.

Resentment is a very real risk, and I'm glad you aren't dismissing it. It is good to factor that into your decisions.

You need to talk about it, til you're blue in the face if need be. And give it time. Trust me, you stay in a LDR long enough, moving doesn't seem so bad after all! And at the end of the day you realise that people are bigger than money. Or, that's how it is for me Other people's mileage varies.

Look at unconventional options too, such as both of you moving to a third location, or, as my SO and I do, never settling. We bounce between countries, living in one country or the other for a few years before switching.
Compromise means both people are almost happy

[differentcountries]

Ehh? What kind of a question is this? She's been with him barely less than a month that you're been with your guy. Are you telling me you never considered closing the distance? Cause that would be a lie, there's proof all over the forum from months ago.

Yes, you are right we have been together about the same time and that is exactly why I am saying this. We have agreed not to discuss our future in details because it is too soon. We have very loosely planned visits about two years in time, and have no plan to close the distance during that time. I don't like your implying I am untruthful, and it doesn't make any sense to me anyway. Of course I have considered closing the distance many times, and we have also talked about ways of at least temporarily closing the distance but I believe in order for it to happen succesfully we should take our very good time with it. I am also considering to never close the distance proper and I think I could live with that too but of course I prefer to "never have to say goodbye "at some point in time. His best friend is possably closing the distance with his fiance and mother-to-be from my country, they have been together five -six years. We have moved faster then them, but still we are a young couple. We have made a deal not to talk about what happens after his military duty, and our future depends on him hopefully finishing his education, he will most likely leave his physically demanding job but for what etc. I would actually prefer to have him have a stable life here (like OP 's boyfriend has where he lives) before he comes to even temporarily close the distance with me, because it will be a safety for him to have network elsewhere and not just with me. It is also important for me to have a life here too, and to relate to his country independently. Slowly, slowly we can try to circle around the subject of future... It will take many talks and quite some timeto figure it out. It may be possable for OP to move quicker because it is not an international move, but the basic questions of how to feel safe in the decitions are the same.

[Dziubka]

Yes, you are right we have been together about the same time and that is exactly why I am saying this. We have agreed not to discuss our future in details because it is too soon. We have very loosely planned visits about two years in time, and have no plan to close the distance during that time. I don't like your implying I am untruthful, and it doesn't make any sense to me anyway. Of course I have considered closing the distance many times, and we have also talked about ways of at least temporarily closing the distance but I believe in order for it to happen succesfully we should take our very good time with it. I am also considering to never close the distance proper and I think I could live with that too but of course I prefer to "never have to say goodbye "at some point in time. His best friend is possably closing the distance with his fiance and mother-to-be from my country, they have been together five -six years. We have moved faster then them, but still we are a young couple. We have made a deal not to talk about what happens after his military duty, and our future depends on him hopefully finishing his education, he will most likely leave his physically demanding job but for what etc. I would actually prefer to have him have a stable life here (like OP 's boyfriend has where he lives) before he comes to even temporarily close the distance with me, because it will be a safety for him to have network elsewhere and not just with me. It is also important for me to have a life here too, and to relate to his country independently. Slowly, slowly we can try to circle around the subject of future... It will take many talks and quite some timeto figure it out. It may be possable for OP to move quicker because it is not an international move, but the basic questions of how to feel safe in the decitions are the same.

But that's your life and your situation and decisions. I don't think TwoThree was implying you were "untruthful". Your comment came off kind of rude and your question "Why are you already thinking about closing the distance?" makes no sense.
I don't think it's ever too early to think about closing the distance. If your situation is such that there's no realistic way you can close the distance in the foreseeable future, that's unfortunate. But you have obviously thought about it intensively as well.
And for other people in other situations a way to close the distance sooner may very well be possible. Or if it isn't and they don't want to be long distance for an indefinite time, it's better to break up sooner than later.
Sometimes closing the distance takes some time to work toward, so you have to start planning well in advance.
Personally, I would not pursue a (very) long distance relationship with no realistic way of closing the distance. So obviously I looked into different options of closing the distance right from the beginning.


To the OP:
I agree with Zephii that resentment is a very real risk. In my opinion if you move *only* because of your SO, that's almost guaranteed to end in resentment down the line. If you don't want to move back, then don't. I grew up in a very beautiful surrounding, but I never ever want to move back or live outside of a real city ever again. I'm 99% sure I would be miserable. I moved away as soon as I could (=after I finished high school) and never looked back. So I understand you in that aspect.
How often do you see each other?
If you can stay LDR for a while longer, could he look for a job closer to you?
One of you or both of you will have to compromise at some point. Maybe you could move closer to your home town, but live in a bigger city?

[Hollandia]

I have gotten to the point where I learned that our dirt on earth is all just the same. Each city can offer you something. I spent a major part of my life in a wonderful area with a beautiful house and a huge yard with everything comfort of life most could imagine, but there was one thing missing, the right partner.

I have spent the last couple of years jumping planes ( I am still terrified to fly) going through immigration, which also is very stressful, dealing with no cultures and cities and languages and you name it, but I had the right partner.

I know what my choice is. you just have to figure out what yours is.

[TwoThree]

Yes, you are right we have been together about the same time and that is exactly why I am saying this. We have agreed not to discuss our future in details because it is too soon. We have very loosely planned visits about two years in time, and have no plan to close the distance during that time. I don't like your implying I am untruthful, and it doesn't make any sense to me anyway.

What you agreed about with your SO is entirely YOUR problem. That is your life and you do whatever you want to do. And because it is YOUR life, it doesn't apply to OP's situation. I'm absolutely certain that the vast majority of us thought about possibilities of closing the distance and made all kinds of plans very early into their relationships.

I was not implying that you were untruthful, just that you come off as arrogant.

[Britt6]

My thought if its meant to be you will both sacrifice at some point. in my case He has no children i have a 5 year old son. Im my second day in his Country and i had to leave my son behind with his father. This is my sacrifice i love my son but i know that he needs time with his siblings and father also in school,so as much as it pains me i did whats best to ensure my son while making me happy to close the distance with my fiance. After 6months he's leaving his country to come be with me because he knows in a permenant situation i could never leave my son where as i also cant move him away from his father because thats wrong... So i gave up seeing my son for 6months and he will leave behind Wales to be with me. A true relationship is give and take.. if both of u only take... you are doomed to fail :/