When do you feel like you live somewhere?

[differentcountries]

This goes out maybe to those of you who travel often or for longer periods to your SO, with SO or are on the go a lot. Some say that "home is when you unpack your bags". Maybe you take care of an animal together, keep a certain amount of things there, or simply are there a lot /most of the time etc. Apart from legal definitions of living somewhere, how do you feel about living in the place or places that you do? When have you moved somewhere?

I live, work and own a flat in Norway. At the same time consider myself to partly live in SOs work town in Turkey, because we have a flat lease contact together (will probably get a new one this month) and I study when I am here, so I don't feel like I am on holiday. I am not sure what it would take for me to feel like I really closed the distance. How about you?

[TwoThree]

The gross, TMI but nonetheless true answer for me: When I am able to poop regularly.

[ronjaandbirk]

I havent stayed that long at my SOs place yet but I've travelled and lived around europe quite alot and I think for me it's a couple of things but I can quite easily pin it down I think.

1. Pictures on the wall that I chose. Maybe that goes for home decoration in general, but I dont really do object or things, I just have pictures on the wall. I think it's what makes a living place homely, so obviously for it to be my home I'd have to be at least involved in chosing them and have a real connection to them. I think pictures are essential, but I lie to have a hand in the overall look of the flat aswell, i'm just into those thing so I need to have a certain control over it.

2. Having a working set up that is complete and usable. I'm a graphic designer and my essentials are a good printer and scanner, both things that I can't just carry around all the time. It goes for paper and pencils too. basically I have to be able to go there, find everything I need to work under good circumstances.

3. A Kitchen equipped for my needs. I don't know about you, but I think everyone is a bit different in what he wants in a kitchen to cook comfortably. Some essentially need a microwave. or a special mixer. Some use a garlic press, some don't, some prefer a hand mixer and so on. I always insist on good knives... some people dont seem to get the concept of keeping them sharp.

4. Level of cleanliness. I think this is a tough one, becasue as soon as you share a place with someone theres gonna be at least sligtly different needs. I want my place to be clean yet at the same time I'm not a person that wastes a huge amount of time on cleaning, I am often just really stressed out and busy so it gets a bit lost. So the result is I am mostly not that tidy. Since I'm disgusted by dirt tho it puts me of into the dilemma of wanting it to be my own dirt if that makes sense, or atleast someones that is VERY close to me (like family). Luckily me and my SO are VERY simliar in this way.
I've been sahring flats and houses since I'm 16 with people that arent my family. Both with people that are tidier than me which has almost stressed me out (esp. in recent years when I've been working with extreme work deadlines where I couldnt keep up for a couple of days in a row sometimes), aswell as with people that are less tidy than me. In those cases I was less stressed but it made me uncomfortable.

[vicks5721]

In my experience I have lived in Austria for work for a year in the past and it never felt like home but I did feel it was a place I lived, I like to have photos of family members, ornaments maybe and hobbies like crafts and books around. That was how I felt like I lived in Austria and I also lived in Greece 4 years ago, I was working and I had my own apartment, again it was a comfort to have books, stuff to keep me busy and photos of family etc. Then in 2012 I lived in london for a job as an Au Pair and again I had the same routine of having family photos displayed around and hobbies and books mainly. I haven't had my own place before, I have always lived with my parents or in those different countries for work, I know once I live with my fiance in America, I look forward to us going out shopping to buy furniture, things for the kitchen and more photo frames to put family pictures in, also I will bring some of my sentimental things with me of course. I know I will feel like it is home as soon as I arrive as my Fiance will be there and that is the most important thing, way more than any possessions.

[snow_girl]

The gross, TMI but nonetheless true answer for me: When I am able to poop regularly.

If thats the criteria we are going off of, I live everywhere!

[Alsfia]

I don't really have a definite feeling of "home", it's more different levels of feeling like home. I do have certain things that increase my feeling of being home, though:

1) Being able to find things when I need them or at least know where to look, especially in kitchens. By the time I moved back to Finland in late May this year I had got a status as thing-finder with my SO's mum

2) Being able to find places I need without asking for help and be able to give directions to other people, like delivery guys or people looking for a pub. I felt so much more at home at SO's family home when I could help a delivery guy find Dobbies (no clue how he missed it though, it's huge and basically AT the road he had come down).

3) Having a file at a doctors office and be able to get medicine. I'm asthmatic and take medicine at least two times a day so being able to get some where I am is pretty important, and means it's difficult to stay for longer if I can't get some.

4) Access to a car.

5) Having a bank account in the country.

6) Knowing what to expect to pay for everyday stuff like milk or bread.

7) Be asked/expected to do house work if living with someone else.

8) Having at least one recipe book. And maybe some other books too...

9) Having knitting stuff around, and other craft things, too.

Depending on how man of these apply, I feel more or less at home.

[Miasmata]

The gross, TMI but nonetheless true answer for me: When I am able to poop regularly.

Oof, bathroom anxiety sucks, doesn't it? I'm in the same boat. It only clears up once I settle in somewhere and feel comfortable.

Other important factors are definitely how easily I can navigate the area and how well I can handle everyday things like grocery shopping. I'm awful at both orientation and numbers, so once I got the basic routes and prices for things memorized, I can definitely say I'm settled in.

[snow]

The gross, TMI but nonetheless true answer for me: When I am able to poop regularly.

This and only this.

[FloridaLovesChicago]

The gross, TMI but nonetheless true answer for me: When I am able to poop regularly.

Ha! The truest words I've seen on here. LoL

[differentcountries]

I will vote for all you gals with bathroom anxiety out there! I have had gut problems so I have been more scared not to find a toilet when I need one Even now when I am mostly fine, I always look for the bathroom first in a new place, to feel safe.

I used to think I had to have a Turkish bank account to settle there. I even asked Akbank for one, but since I don't own property or is even on the lease of our flat (we don't see the point since the contract is in Turkish and SO does all the dealing with the landlady anyway) I might ask SO to set up a new account and add me to it. If so, we could use it to tranfer money cheap. But then again, our economy is quite unstable at the moment so I am not sure it would give us more control. Anyway, Turks love cash money and especially paper bills, which I still think is kind of odd (I use mostly electronical money in Norway. There are even places that will not accept cash money). So I usually just withdraw a large ammount and use it. If we eventually buy property in Turkey, I will definetely get a bank account to use for house-related bills, then I could do real budgeting for our stays there.

In Turkey now, we have some nice kitchen utensils (including a blender) and a couple of cookbooks (including one that I am making with recipies I cut from newspapers and magazines...for some reason makes me feel very settled in a place to do that), for my project I have pens, paper, study books and a computer (which I just bought a rain-safe bag for, in case heavy rain breaks the internet and we have to take it out to a place with generator), no pictures on the wall but I get the impression that is the norm....we will set up some ornaments and a lanscape painting poster my husband gave us as housewarming present. We also have some small pictures of us. I get around in town by myself very nicely by foot or bike, I have my own bike there, have been to some local tourist stuff, I also know how to take the boat (which they call "sea bus") to the nearest bigger town, I have not been much further away though. Me and SO have abbount the same level of cleanliness, although I will usually do more than him (he will cook more than me though). I have lots of clothes there, including some of my favourites. I have been thinking about getting a file at a doctor's office, but I am able to take uptil 3 months worth of all my regular medicine with me , and I have not stayed in Turkey for longer than a month's time, it has not been neccesary so far. I usually bring the right ammount of all meds, plus I keep a medicine "stock" there in case some of my meds get lost of I should need extra. I have a special yoga mat there, I mean it weighs like a ton and is suited for ashtanga yoga and all the jumping I will do on it. We have attended a play a the local theatre, which was a very un-tourist thing to do - I was the only "white "person in the room and everything was in Turkish, making jokes about politics (which I mostly understood). We have cat(s) there...which makes me feel so, so at home.

What I don't have so much is my own friends that I see (most people I know there is through him)and regular things that I attend (in Norway I belong to my work place, a yoga studio, two medidation/communicaton practice groups, several unions, I volulenteer at the culture festival in spring, I sometimes attend lectures, I run a "friendship cafe" etc.) And we don't see his family so much because they live a day's bus travel/one or two airplanes away...sometimes family members come to visit, though, it was nice when the counsins stayed. We also can't plan much outings or daytime activities because he works every single day when I am there, so I don't get any sense of a weekend. But of course if I lived there in the regular sense, my work life might be prolonged and include weekend time too, and I don't mind befriending his friends (I only wish to know more girls, because the girlfriends of his friends are not there as much), I just wish there would be time for friendship dinners and such that I have in Norway. I will stay 4 weeks in summer with him working a lot, so I have to think of how to get more social there, even if I study all day the evenings can be lonely when he is working to ten PM high season.

[lucybelle]

I felt truly at home when I stopped finding day to day life exciting. I'm not saying I got bored or anything, but it was no longer exotic and different. "My life in Costa Rica" became "My life". It took about two years.

[Harlequin]

For me, I guess it's a few things. I haven't actually done any living with my s/o yet, so these are just from previous travel stuff.

1. Being able to get around places on my own. When I lived in Germany for a month as an exchange student, I used to go with my host sister to school. I had to follow her for about a week and a half (it was a long ride, with two different routes for going to school and coming home), but after that, I was able to either ride my bike along side her or be in front of her. Or shit, I could've gone the entire distance without her, but if there was ever a day when I would be heading home alone, her mom would pick me up. Then when I was in London, my friend and I got things figured out within the first couple of days. I guess even living in Brooklyn, it felt a lot more normal when I could take the subway without feeling paranoid that I missed my stop, and just being able to walk all over and know how to get back to my place. Knowing the neighborhoods also made it feel more at home.

2. Truly understanding the language if there's a language barrier present. I spoke German when I went across, but speaking German in an American classroom is very different than actually being immersed in the language. I don't remember exactly when I got a good hang of it, but it made everything feel a lot more normal when I did. Except for when I was in Berlin and there was a man with an incredibly thick Berlin accent. When I was in Hong Kong, I didn't understand and still don't understand a word of Cantonese, which kept the trip very much a touristy thing (though that wasn't the only reason).

3.When I start having regular (local) hang-out spots. In Germany, we'd hang out at the school during breaks, and then basically all over downtown Oldenburg. In London, my friend and I ended up going to two pubs regularly, which also helped us get to know the area better since we'd sorta...wander down side roads and stuff to get to and from the pubs.

4.When I have a general routine. When I say that, I mean one that doesn't keep me trapped in tourist-land. I had a set routine in Hong Kong, but that was just tours and marching band performances. It didn't really make me feel like anything other than a tourist. In Germany, I was living with a family and fell into their routine in addition to my exchange group's routine. While my friend and I were in London, we set our own routine and were hell-bent on trying to immerse ourselves in the city while still doing some tourist stuff. Having my s/o there made it a lot easier, and overall I think we did a good job.