How To Tell My Parents I'm Moving?

[R&R]

I have been looking into the university extensively and talking with admissions counselors to make sure all of my credits will transfer smoothly. As eager as I am to be with him, I have been weighing all of my options. I was worried about money and he has ensured me that his paycheck will be enough to support both of us until I get a job and that I also have the option to go to school full time. He is very close with his boss who is opening a restaurant soon and I've been offered a position as hostess.

As far as schooling goes, you are going to need your parents when it comes to student loans. They need to help you complete the FAFSA so you can get Federal loans. That is never enough to cover everything you need. Private loans will most likely also be needed and you can not get those on your own. You'll need a qualifying co-signer and 99% of the time, that is a parent. Also be aware, most colleges will not consider you as an "in-state" student until you have resided in the state for at least 12 months. This means that you will be paying even more to go there as you will be an out-of-state student for at least the first year.

Please don't rely on someone else to foot your bills. Working full-time and going to school full-time is very stressful. My 19-year old does it and she is always exhausted. The only bills she has are her car and auto insurance. I can't imagine how much more stressed she would be if she had to worry about rent/groceries/utilities, etc. Also, don't count on a job with a place that isn't even open yet.

[gypsysoul]

I can understand your family's concerns then. They have yet to meet this guy you plan to move a couple thousands of miles for.

I understand their concern as well, I realize how awful it seems to someone who doesn't hold the feelings I do, but in the end this is my life and I have to do what makes me happy. Regardless of what people tell me I will end up doing what makes me happy and I was only looking for advice on how to help my family through this change. Have you told your family about plans to move if you have such plans? How did the conversation go? That was what I was looking for

[gypsysoul]

As far as schooling goes, you are going to need your parents when it comes to student loans. They need to help you complete the FAFSA so you can get Federal loans. That is never enough to cover everything you need. Private loans will most likely also be needed and you can not get those on your own. You'll need a qualifying co-signer and 99% of the time, that is a parent. Also be aware, most colleges will not consider you as an "in-state" student until you have resided in the state for at least 12 months. This means that you will be paying even more to go there as you will be an out-of-state student for at least the first year.

Please don't rely on someone else to foot your bills. Working full-time and going to school full-time is very stressful. My 19-year old does it and she is always exhausted. The only bills she has are her car and auto insurance. I can't imagine how much more stressed she would be if she had to worry about rent/groceries/utilities, etc. Also, don't count on a job with a place that isn't even open yet.

My parents are not going to help me pay for college, I have already discussed tuition with them. They didn't pay for any of my sister's schooling and told me it will be the same. I have already taken a year and had to pay for it myself. However my parents will still be willing to cosign and I know I have them if worst comes to worst. I am saving up money before I go to carry my weight and am not counting on the hostess job, it is only a possibility.

[Unconditional]

I understand their concern as well, I realize how awful it seems to someone who doesn't hold the feelings I do, but in the end this is my life and I have to do what makes me happy. Regardless of what people tell me I will end up doing what makes me happy and I was only looking for advice on how to help my family through this change. Have you told your family about plans to move if you have such plans? How did the conversation go? That was what I was looking for

We're just making sure you have all the bases covered.

[Miasmata]

I understand their concern as well, I realize how awful it seems to someone who doesn't hold the feelings I do, but in the end this is my life and I have to do what makes me happy. Regardless of what people tell me I will end up doing what makes me happy and I was only looking for advice on how to help my family through this change. Have you told your family about plans to move if you have such plans? How did the conversation go? That was what I was looking for

I'm sorry it's not what you want to hear, but your future can't just be determined by your wishful thinking. It's honestly very good that you are thinking about things and weighing options, but that's not enough to make a stable future. Again, you aren't 18 yet, and you'll need to make sure you got all your ducks in a row. If you want your family to approve, then you should slow down a bit and have your family meet this guy first, as well as showing your family that you are making solid plans. Take them and their input seriously and don't just brush it off because they don't say what you want to hear.

[gypsysoul]

This isn't quite what I was looking for, but thank you all for the concern.

[merlinkitty]

My parents are not going to help me pay for college, I have already discussed tuition with them. They didn't pay for any of my sister's schooling and told me it will be the same. I have already taken a year and had to pay for it myself. However my parents will still be willing to cosign and I know I have them if worst comes to worst. I am saving up money before I go to carry my weight and am not counting on the hostess job, it is only a possibility.

I think you missed the point with R&R. Whether your parents pay for school or not, you still need them to help with the FAFSA. This is how you get student loans. They consider your parents' income as part of this as you are a dependent. Responses like this is why I said you need to get your business straight. You are making me really nervous for you. I hope you understand why because this is not thought out at all. At a basic level, maybe. But it's not going to fly in real life.

[merlinkitty]

This isn't quite what I was looking for, but thank you all for the concern.

I know it's not. It's because we're telling you how the world works and you won't listen. You want people tell you that you're making an adult decision and how to convey that adult decision to your adult parents. I can't do that.

[R&R]

My parents are not going to help me pay for college, I have already discussed tuition with them. They didn't pay for any of my sister's schooling and told me it will be the same. I have already taken a year and had to pay for it myself. However my parents will still be willing to cosign and I know I have them if worst comes to worst. I am saving up money before I go to carry my weight and am not counting on the hostess job, it is only a possibility.

I work in the Higher Education, student loan industry, so these talks always peak my interest. You said you've been talking with the university extensively. I'm curious how much one years schooling will be. I find that most kids heading to an out of state college are looking at anywhere between 18,000 to 50,000 for 1-year depending on the school and the course of study.

As far as how to tell your parents, if my daughter at 17-years old had come to me to tell me she was moving cross-country to move in with a boyfriend I hadn't met yet, it would have been a hell no. When she turned 18, then all the power to her. However, she has been raised to be responsible and is very mature for her age and wouldn't pull that.

She is now 19-years old and has been with her fiance since she was 16. He is in the Marines and they have been long-distance for their entire relationship. I have met him multiple times (he even stayed with us a few weeks when home on leave) and I honestly think that they are a perfect couple and that they will be one of those rare couples who started their relationship young but that make it for the long haul. But she has also been very open and honest about their relationship. They had discussed the possibility of moving to VA once he gets out of MSG for his schooling. By the time they may do that, she will have her associates degree and he will start going to school full-time. He will also have over 50k saved up to help them while he is in school and she's working. They have a solid plan, finances well set and will have been together 5 years at this point. She would have my full blessing.

[gypsysoul]

I know that I need my parents for the FAFSA. I am currently enrolled in college, tuition expenses aren't new to me. I had to pay for my first year on my own. Yes, my plan is poorly thought through because I have only started planning it. Learning more about the university was my first goal, I have found out that my credits will transfer and the transition will be smooth, so now I can move on to planning other pieces.

[gypsysoul]

I am turning 18 very soon and won't be moving for several months. I never planned on moving before being old enough to make my own decisions. They will meet him before I move as well.

[R&R]

I am turning 18 very soon and won't be moving for several months. I never planned on moving before being old enough to make my own decisions. They will meet him before I move as well.

Then my advice is to tell them about him as soon as possible. Have him come visit and meet your family. You and your family need to go visit him and the area you are looking to move to. Have them tour the college just like you would if you were only going there to attend college only. Get them involved. Communication and honesty with your parents is important.

[gypsysoul]

Then my advice is to tell them about him as soon as possible. Have him come visit and meet your family. You and your family need to go visit him and the area you are looking to move to. Have them tour the college just like you would if you were only going there to attend college only. Get them involved. Communication and honesty with your parents is important.

My family and I were supposed to be there this week to visit him and the school, but we've had a recent death in the family and had to change our plans to make time to travel for the funeral, but we should be able to reschedule soon.

[whatruckus]

So, can I just ask what happens if you two break up? Say something happens, or the relationship doesn't pan out the way you thought.

Are you supposed to be moving in TOGETHER? You do realize that visiting and actually living together are completely different. You'll have to share bills, food expenses, house expenses...etc. If you don't have any money saved up in your bank account, then I honestly don't see the point in moving. There was another post like this a few weeks ago where I said the same thing. Instead of relying on her parents, she relied on food stamps to get by and wanted her SO to move to her.

You need to have enough money to support yourself out there if you and your SO don't work out. Always cover your ass before you cover someone else's when it comes to things like this.

I'm not sorry that some of the things said in this thread weren't what you wanted to hear and weren't you were expecting, but that's how we are in this community. We're honest and we have more experience with real life situations and being in LDR's, as well as closing the distance. There are a lot of things to consider. You can't just pick up and move to him, even it is 7 months away. Your parents don't know him. One visit with him isn't going to decide whether they like him and whether they trust him. Do you understand that? How long have you two been together? What does he do for a living? Is he going to school? How old is he? Does he live on his own?

You need to prove to your family that you're mature enough for this and prove to them that he is worth it because they're never going to trust you, or him, otherwise. They need to get involved with getting to know him NOW if you want this to try and work. Have them talk to him on the phone/Skype with him, if you can't have more than one visit where they can meet.

Even with all the replies you've made to this thread to try and explain yourself, I honestly still don't think this is thought out, nor that it's a good plan at this point.

[gypsysoul]

Of course its not a good plan yet, it hasn't even been fully formed