Terrified about closing distance?

[Aussieabroad]

Backstory: So I live in NY and SO is in CA. I have been in NY for 1.5 years and was planning to stay another 8-10 months before relocating. Unfortunately, I was laid off from my job and my working visa was revoked, so I figured now was a better time than ever in terms of closing the distance. Despite it being quite a bit earlier than planned.

I am currently working on getting a job either near him in Orange County, or in LA. If I find one in OC, we talked about living together, which makes sense both financially and the fact that I do not have a car, so I will be relying solely on him to get to/from work until I get one.

It all sounded romantic and lovely, but now I'm getting cold feet and petrified about living with someone I've only been together with for 10 months. He is so open to it and now I'm getting really scared that I'm rushing in to moving in together when we haven't even been a close distance couple yet. I've got him all excited about it, even though he asked me if I was sure it was what I wanted and I said yes. Now I'm scared and not so sure I also know he really does not want to live with room mates anymore, so he will resent that he has to due to my cold feet.

Any words of advice? Did anyone move straight in with their long distance SO's?

[Petals]

I recently moved to be with my fiancé after 3 visits. Our longest visit was for 2 months. Was I bit scared about making the move? A little, but I was more excited and positive. We close the distance about 6 months earlier than we planned and we are getting married this weekend. We are adjusting to living with each other, which naturally has a few bumps in the road, but we are closer than we have ever been and more in love.

I shared my experience to say, feeling a bit hesitant/nervous is normal, because you are taking a big step. However, if you feel overwhelming fear and anxiety about the move then you might want to take a step back and analyze why you feel the way you do.

What exactly are you scared about? The length of the relationship should not be a major factor, but moreso the quality and stage of your relationship. Some people are ready to take that step 6 months after being together, while others are ready after a year or two.

What does moving in together means for both of you and the relationship?
Is it a signal of deeper commitment or is it just mostly convenience?

You might benefit from having a discussion about what this move means for you both and making sure that you are both on the same page.

Of course you always have the option of moving to your own place close to him...either way, you need to have a heart to heart discussion with him.

[differentcountries]

Not the same, but after having known my SO for 6 months, we sort of moved in together. He used to live at a crowded dorm with work and I was tired of hotels. We signed a rent lease in his town for 8 months (a season) where I had to pay the whole season's rent in advance and he was obliged to pay electric, internet etc. for the same ammount of time. We were both really nervous and making jokes that we would have to get along just because of money! It all worked out wonderfully with me coming one week a month to study, and it meant that I could afford to spend almost all summer with him last year. Now we are waiting for the keys to our next flat, as we will rent together this season too.

The fact that your SO is used to living with roomates hopefully means that he knows how to be around other people and fix practical things with them. And he will probably really appreciate the alone time and privacy you two now will get. You might want to discuss things like money and housework forhand. Still you will probably get a few surprises, some stuff you just have to experience.

Good luck with the job hunt! Hope you find something

[lucybelle]

The longest time I spent with my SO before moving in together was one week. Now that's not something I'd recommend but it worked for us.

The main thing I would say is to have a backup plan. If everything goes to hell, what will you do?

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Along with what everyone else says: what do you have to lose? It might be a little early, and if that is the case, it may hurt your relationship. You need to be prepared for that possibility. However, it could be the best decision you've ever made! I was really scared to move in with my SO. We're both young, haven't been dating very long, and I was moving to a whole new country! Talk about scary! I am SO glad that I made the leap of faith that I did and moved in with him. It taught me that our compatibility is real and permanent and that we still like each other when we're together every day. It could have all blown up and I'd be homeless and single in another country, but thankful it didn't! Sometimes you just have to let the fear go and take that leap of faith even if it seems terrifying! Personally, I'd rather go all in a fail miserably while knowing that I tried my best than always being scared that it'll fall apart.

[Ella85]

Honestly I think you'll be fine. It's normal to feel a bit afraid of something new. If I could move in with my boyfriend now I'd be there. But we have to figure out visas and the like. I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide to do.

[LolaJ]

I've been with my SO for a bit over a year. We've only visited twice. The longest being 6 days back in January. We're closing the distance in a little less than 3 weeks. You only live once (cliche' I know) but honestly. Think of it as an adventure. Think of it as a possibility that it could be everything you both want and need right now. Go for it. I'd rather be sorry than safe, and when will you ever get another moment like this? I'm not sure when. What if you fail? Okay, but what if you fly. It's all perspective my dear. I, too was very nervous when my SO suggested I come live there. Especially because I'm from a big city and he's thinking I'd like to live here for the rest of my life. That's not the case at all! He feels so much like home that wherever he is, is exactly where I need to be. Good Luck and Godspeed!