Should I be on the lease?

[Kapwned]

So in July I will be moving up to NY to move in with my SO. We will be moving into an apartment with two other friends of his. He found one yesterday and has the paperwork, and he's passed on the forms to the two others. But there is no mention of me. This could be because I'm currently here in Michigan, or it could be because I won't be paying rent (instead I will pick up slack in bills and upkeep/cleaning - we've already discussed it). But I don't know, I've always been told it's important to be on the lease so that it is legally your home as well and they can't just kick you out should something happen. But at the same time I will not be contributing to rent (at least for a period of time while I get settled into my new college).

I've never been on the lease for an apartment before, so I don't even know how to bring it up if it is in my best interest or something to be concerned about.

[Ejoriah]

Depending on the lease, it could be illegal for you to be staying there for an extensive amount of time without being on the lease. I'm not experienced in leases by any means, but all the ones I've signed (4 so far) had a clause saying that someone couldn't stay in the apartment for longer than [x] days if they weren't on the lease. In a previous (LD) relationship, I had my name added to my SO's lease for an extended, three month visit. That said, if legality isn't a problem, what are the terms of the lease? If each person is responsible for an equal share of the rent, and are not responsible for the other people's, then it could make sense that you're not put on because you won't be paying the rent. I can't really think of any other reasons not to have your name on there though. I mean, you're moving there. Why shouldn't you have a legal document stating where you live?

Maybe your SO plans to add you on once you've moved, which would be easier to do once you are local?

[differentcountries]

As a general rule, you should be on the lease. For your sake, and also
because it should stipulate in some of the ways cost will be shared, not just between you and SO, but with everyone living there. It sounds a bit vague what costs you will actually cover if it is supposed to resemble rent. If a big bill came up, could you foot it?

[snow]

It sounds a bit vague what costs you will actually cover if it is supposed to resemble rent. If a big bill came up, could you foot it?

It's not for you to judge their agreement, she never said it will resemble rent.

Kawpned, I think you should be on the lease if possible for exactly what you said. If anything happens, you need to be able to get into that place without legal complications. I know some places (like here) don't accept you on the lease unless you have a job that could potentially help paying rent. I would talk to your SO and find out what the lease says, if you could be put on it or not and what he thinks is the wisest decision. If it's as simple as filling out forms, I would just do it, because you live there too and you will be for an undetermined (right?) time.

[p_b82]

Not being familiar with the ins and out of the US renting system I can't really comment - but if you are there to 'stay' and this is not a short term visit you should probably get added, as others have said just from the legal perspective.

I know in the UK though, as soon as your name is on the lease, you are responsible and eligible for any debts incurred at the property when you are on the lease formally - eg if another house mate leaves suddenly, you are still expected to pay their rent for them in a shared house - you can then take them to court to reclaim your losses though.

I know one place I lived with a couple they had a shared tenancy agreement - much like you he paid the rent she paid the bills, and I footed the other half as a single person.

[Kapwned]

I ended up bringing it up with him. He said he wasn't sure how the terms of the lease go and he'll ask about it with the landlord. He said he wasn't concerned about it right now since I'm not physically there yet and it'd be difficult to get the papers to and from me. But he will ask the landlord if it'll be an issue if I live there and if I should be on the lease since I won't be contributing to rent. I'd be there when they move in, but they may end up getting all of the paperwork done before I get there.

Basically our agreement was that because of my anxiety disorder I wasn't going to be doing any work outside of whatever I could find on campus via workstudy so that I am guaranteed work around my class schedule. I have to maintain a high GPA in order to keep my scholarship and stay in the college so I want that to be my primary focus. I wouldn't be able to work a lot of hours so I wouldn't make a lot of money. I told him this and he said it would be fine. I told him I could contribute in other ways such as paying a bill or two such as internet or electric (that's the only utility we would have to cover outside of rent), doing the basic grocery shopping, and cleaning the place. I also offered to be the one who buys whatever necessities we will need in the apartment such as dishes, cleaning supplies, etc.

He hasn't even acted concerned about me contributing financially at all... just mostly keeping myself fed and such. But I wouldn't feel right just living there so I offered the above and he was fine with that.

[R&R]

Yes, it's a good idea for him to check about the lease. As Ejoriah stated, most leases will state that non-tenants can only stay so many days. My oldest was 18 and they had to put her name down as she was an adult living in the house.

Even if you aren't expected to pay rent, I would still draft up something between the 4 of you as to what is expected financially from you. This is more of a CYA in case later the friends should want you to start paying part of the rent. It's always best to have something in black and white so that there are no questions about it later.

[differentcountries]

It's not for you to judge their agreement, she never said it will resemble rent.
.

It is for me to say that the way she described their agreement it sounded very vague. They are not married and she is not on the lease, everything is up in the air really. If it truely is vague that is not a good thing for any of them for many reasons. I don't care what they agree upon, but they should know what it is among themselves and not just wing it.

It seems OP regards rent mainly as between her and SO, but unless he will be paying one and a half of double rent for the two of you, or the others actively agree in writing to you just paying what you can afford, chances are that over time other two flatmates might mind
you staying without contributing much financially. There have been many cases of unclear house rules that turned ugly, better safe than sorry.

[whatruckus]

Honestly, whether you're on the lease or not, make up a contract and have everyone sign it, as well as the landlord. Get everything on paper. You never know if anything is going to happen. Get all the terms you've agreed with, on paper. Sign it. Get it notarized. This way, if there's any trouble with the landlord, or the other room mates, should an issue about you not contributing to rent or whatever you've agreed with, comes up. Save your ass. Make copies.

[Harlequin]

I agree with what everyone is saying about either going on the lease, or at the very least, getting a contract made up.
It's fine that your s/o is cool with you not being on the lease and being unable to contribute, but you also have to worry about the other two roommates. They might be cool with it at first, but if one roommate starts to go sour about it, it probably wouldn't take much for the other to start getting annoyed about it. If they decide they're not cool with your situation anymore and you're not on the lease, it'll be extremely easy for them to have you thrown out since you don't legally have the right to stay there. Definitely make sure that, no matter what route you take, you have ALL of your bases covered.

This happened to me to a lesser degree while I was at my first university. I ended up in a shitty living arrangement and was generally going through a shit time medically, and I ultimately wound up living at my then-boyfriend's on-campus apartment for a few months before I could officially drop out. We didn't have to worry about anything except maintaining the apartment and paying for groceries/other necessities, because it was on-campus and the school paid for the apartment. Since I wasn't on the housing agreement, I tried my best to be low-key and super helpful. I would clean the common areas, I didn't use anyone's things, I would refill the water pitcher, and I'd help buy shit for the apartment or fix things around the apartment. While my boyfriend's roommates were fine with me being there at first, eventually they got sick of me being there. They actually went so far as to say me cleaning went against their "life philosophy". Whatever that meant. They tried to get me thrown out, but the school couldn't have cared any less since they still had my money, anyway. Since the roommates couldn't get rid of me, they decided to retaliate and make that final month and a half absolutely miserable.

So be careful. Make sure you have a safety net to catch you if something falls through, and be prepared for sudden changes in heart.

[whatruckus]

I agree with what everyone is saying about either going on the lease, or at the very least, getting a contract made up.
It's fine that your s/o is cool with you not being on the lease and being unable to contribute, but you also have to worry about the other two roommates. They might be cool with it at first, but if one roommate starts to go sour about it, it probably wouldn't take much for the other to start getting annoyed about it. If they decide they're not cool with your situation anymore and you're not on the lease, it'll be extremely easy for them to have you thrown out since you don't legally have the right to stay there. Definitely make sure that, no matter what route you take, you have ALL of your bases covered.

This happened to me to a lesser degree while I was at my first university. I ended up in a shitty living arrangement and was generally going through a shit time medically, and I ultimately wound up living at my then-boyfriend's on-campus apartment for a few months before I could officially drop out. We didn't have to worry about anything except maintaining the apartment and paying for groceries/other necessities, because it was on-campus and the school paid for the apartment. Since I wasn't on the housing agreement, I tried my best to be low-key and super helpful. I would clean the common areas, I didn't use anyone's things, I would refill the water pitcher, and I'd help buy shit for the apartment or fix things around the apartment. While my boyfriend's roommates were fine with me being there at first, eventually they got sick of me being there. They actually went so far as to say me cleaning went against their "life philosophy". Whatever that meant. They tried to get me thrown out, but the school couldn't have cared any less since they still had my money, anyway. Since the roommates couldn't get rid of me, they decided to retaliate and make that final month and a half absolutely miserable.

So be careful. Make sure you have a safety net to catch you if something falls through, and be prepared for sudden changes in heart.

Yep! This is what I worry about!

[Kapwned]

Yeah I've asked him about it, asked if his room mate was okay with it and he said yes. I had made a previous thread about my concern before talking to him about it because I was also concerned about the room mate not liking me. Since then he's brought another person on board. I expressed my concerns and he said he wouldn't live with people who would be like that and that he'd defend me if it came to something like that. But when money is involved anyone can be nasty to anyone. I will most likely take it further once I'm there and make sure that they understand my situation, agree to the living situation, and that they don't mind the amount of weight I will be pulling financially. My boyfriend and his one friend are already going to be spending less than they would have been in the previous apartment they almost got before the third guy asked if he could get on board with an apartment.

I seriously hope there are no problems. I pretty much already talked to him about this and shared my concerns. I don't want to get ganged up on and cornered once I'm there because he will be the only person there that I know and I will really need him to be there to defend me should they end up having some sort of beef with me. The first time around when I tried to talk about it he almost acted offended, as if I was saying I was preparing for his friends to be assholes, but that's not what I meant. Sometimes things just happen and sometimes people bump heads and clash. I understand that.

I imagine this is how asking for prenuptials feels like. I almost fear that asking for such a thing might even offend them and create a beef, but it is ultimately to save my ass. I kind of hope the landlord will require that I get put onto the lease simply because I will be living there. That way it's not on me it's on the landlord.

[whatruckus]

Either way, like I said before, get a contract made up and have EVERYONE sign it. Whether anyone gets offended or not, this is to save your ass and protect yourself from anything bad.