confused

[hperovich]

When my boyfriend and I started dating in december, he had plans to move back to florida this december. I stayed in florida to work and i knew he would be here soon. Well in the spring he decided it would take him until december 2011 to get here instead because of school. So i'm trying to deal with that change and today he asks what i would do if it took him three more years to move here. I honestly cannot do this for that much longer. Its emotionally draining and most of our arguments come from the distance.

He said that it sounds like I just want whats best for me and for him to move here when I want. I don;t think i am being selfish because he told me in the beginning he would move here soon and i already have to wait another year.

Its like our relationship is based on the lie of him moving here this year. If he would have said it would take four years to move back here, i would have never dated him in the first place.

Im just so over him saying im selfish when it was his plan i was going off of.
we have really bad communication and just blame eachother.

i dont know how i would be able to do this for 3 more years.

[Zephii]

Well, you know that LD for three more years isn't an option! Time to find out what is
Ask questions, like, can you move there temporarily? Can he defer school for a year if you can't move right away? Could he do some kind of distance education for the course he is taking? Can he transfer to a closer school? Do you both really want this to work or not?

There are always options, sometimes it's just had to see them. Try to work on a compromise

[xMesmerize124]

First of all, seems to be you aren't crazy over the top love with him (but i could be very wrong just going from the vibe of the post) and you can't stand not being with him with him for much long then maybe it is best to end the relationship. But if you really do love him and don't want to end the relationship, i think its possible for you to make it work some how but you need to have a long talk about it with him and see how it feels about all this (communicate is key). So overall, you need to decide if you really love and cant be without him or you love him but you can be without him. And that will tell you if can make it work (this site will help you through your journey) or just end it. And lastly, you definitely aren't being selfish, i totally understand where you are coming from.

[paulawriteslove]

From day to day life changes. In the beginning of my relationship I thought we'd close the distance last year, but now we have to wait 3 years. Everything changes so quickly and you just have to be able to communicate with your SO. I think you need to talk to him and tell him how this is making you feel. And you need to NOT blame each other for anything! Try to talk and figure out a solution.

[squiddie]

If you really believe that three more years isn't possible, and you said yourself that you wouldn't have dated him from the start if you knew it would be four years of long distance...well, I think you've answered your own question.

[Karringtyn]

Things change...I don't think the relationship itself was based on a lie...I think things have come up that have changed it. You need to look within the relationship and ask yourself....is it worth it...what is the relationship payoff for me?

And communication is the key ESPECIALLY in a LDR! That is something the two of you need to work on then...arguing will do noone any good...especially at a distance.

Stick around here....this is a great place! Welcome!

[Silviar]

If our time changed by three years, I'd be pretty upset, too. I would give yourself a few days to calm down, and then I would ask yourself, first off, if you want to continue the relationship. If you do, then it's time to sit down and make a list of options on how to close the distance. Both of you are going to have to compromise, to some extent, and you need to have a hart to heart about what you both really want out of life in the next few years to see what's achievable in terms of closing the distance.

Good luck.

[annamorgan]

If you're basing this relationship and your feelings towards him over the distance, then you must not feel strongly about him. None of us expected to be in a long distance relationship, and I doubt anyone here loves having the distance separate them from their loved ones, but the point is when you love someone and life throws you something unexpected, you take it and handle it because you would do anything to be with someone you're in love with. Maybe you just need to sit back and figure out your real feelings for this boy. Most of us have to wait much longer than three years, so put your situation into perspective and think how good you have it. Just saying. I can understand you're upset, but things change, that's life, you just gotta learn to deal with what's thrown at you.

Sorry if I sound bitchy, I just call it how I see it, you don't need to take my opinion to heart.

[leonina]

I disagree with annamorgan a bit - no matter the depth of our feelings, we all have a certain breaking point. I may love Judsen but if I found out that we wouldn't be CD for three more years then I would have to end it simply because in our situation he will be working 100 hour work weeks and there would be no phone time or visits. If you feel you can't do three more years, then it's best to just end it now. It may be painful, but it seems like it is unavoidable.

[annamorgan]

Well all I'm saying is, she needs to at least try. Obviously people are human and everyone has a breaking point, I wasn't denying that. If the pain is too hard, don't drive yourself insane.

[loveonspeedial]

If it's true love you'll wait. I get it though My so changed her mind on me a million times, we were CD and then she decided to move 3 hours north for school, after saying we'd move in together, etc. It really sucked but I'm getting used to it, and then she's already told me she for sure not gonna move back down here and that she's thinking about getting her masters. School unfortunately comes before relationships, and you have to respect that and just deal with it. If you're unhappy about this do something about it. Consider moving yourself.

[noodle]

I agree with everyone.
Like I know that I probably wont be able to move together with him in at least 4 years due to school.
I'd love to end the distance next summer and go to a college in the States but I just cant afford it thats why I have to stay in Germany.
Its hard but I love my SO and I can wait and I will.
You have to think about how badly you really want to keep this relationship goin. Plus you're at least on the same continent, you could still see each other every once in a while compared to LDRs who are overseas (like mine).
And as most of the others say there is always an option sometimes you dont even see it
Think about it, talk with him about it and decide together what you'll do with your future together.
All the best

[Mio]

Think about it, and talk it trough with him. Take a decision that will make you happy and you are sure about. Hope you can work it out!

[Yin Yang]

From day to day life changes. In the beginning of my relationship I thought we'd close the distance last year, but now we have to wait 3 years. Everything changes so quickly and you just have to be able to communicate with your SO. I think you need to talk to him and tell him how this is making you feel. And you need to NOT blame each other for anything! Try to talk and figure out a solution.

I agree. Things change. and when they do it's really upsetting, but it's just something we all need to deal with not just in LDRs but in CDRs too. When my SO and I went LD we thought it would be 9 months tops, now it seems like it's going to be 2 years minimum. Plans changed couple of times already and each time they do it's really painful, but I always try to think that it's for the best. The future will bring better things.
I know it's very difficult to stay apart when you know there's an easier solution, but I think you need to respect his wishes, and dreams too. Wouldn't you be glad if he did what he wanted and got good education that would give you both an excellent head-start to your life together? Sometimes forcing things your way ends with both of you hurt and unhappy. And I speak from my own experience. Pushing for us to be together ASAP I technically forced us into this 2-year-long separation. Sometimes it's just easier to go with the flow and make some compromises along the way. Accept change as part of the life. It's difficult, but possible.

[Andy]

Things change...I don't think the relationship itself was based on a lie...I think things have come up that have changed it. You need to look within the relationship and ask yourself....is it worth it...what is the relationship payoff for me?

And communication is the key ESPECIALLY in a LDR! That is something the two of you need to work on then...arguing will do noone any good...especially at a distance.

Stick around here....this is a great place! Welcome!

This.

Things have changed in my relationship. We thought we could be together this summer just gone, but now it could be another 2 years which feels like a lifetime right now, but those are the circumstances and unfortunately we have to live with it.

I sympathise with you, I really do, but unfortunately things change, and maybe even more so in LDRs as there are so many variables when it comes to one of you making the move. Do what Zephii said, look into what your other possibilities are, your best bet now is to explore what opportunities are available to you and if there are any short-term measures which could help? Could you see each other on a more regular basis etc?