I'm ready, he's not

[Kapwned]

How do I calm my anxieties?

That's not anxiety, that's insecurity.

You can't push something on him because of past experiences. You can't just move on and have your happy ending just because you want one and you're fed up with your past experiences. There is a whole other individual involved who doesn't want what you're wanting to do. He will be unhappy with you, he will get upset with you, and the relationship will likely end and you will then chalk it up to yet another bad experience that ultimately you may have brought upon yourself.

Instead you need to think about what you need and what you want. Prioritize what you need as that will lead you down a better path. You want him, you don't need him. Do you need to be physically together to be with someone? Does being apart fuel your anxieties/insecurities? With LDRs there are a lot of unknowns as you do not see them on a regular basis and yes, it makes it easy for them to lie, hide, and avoid us. But that's why we need to have faith and trust them. Do you have an issue with this? Does the distance affect some other insecurity? If so, this might not be the best option for you.

Write down a list of what you need in a relationship, these should be deal breakers. Then write down a list of what you want, things you could put up with or live without if you didn't have them. Then mark a check next to everything you have. If there aren't that many checks, then re-evaluate. Is this relationship worth it? If there's a lot of checks then maybe it's worth the wait.

[differentcountries]

I don't believe the "you complete me" but I do think there's a dynamic between being two people as well as being one entity. It's hard to describe. But you retain your individuality, but also become this new identity together as well. And I think that balance is what's hard to find. And it'll be different for us apart from what it will be together, and that's the scary part I think.

It shouldn't be difficult to find a balance. Always focus a little bit more on what you want and be vocal about it, because the other person can't (always) read your mind. Remember that it usually takes time to really know the other person and to work out all the details. We come from different backrounds with different personalities. At some point there be misunderstandings or conflicts, but if you expect them and use them as learning experience they might actually serve the relationship.

I can totally understand why the LD dynamic feels scary. I was so scared and confused in the beginning, not only were we having start problems but were sad over the distance too... But living together have its own set of challenges. I noticed just recently how LD have "spared me" if how my boyfriend is when he is really upset, when I am here a month he cant just say "will I be excused for Skype today ", he has to deal with me in the flesh! I consider us to half way live togethersince I am here a lot, but since I "only" study when I am here, I know things would be different if I too had a job here with set hours. There is no fault in that, we can't really test it before we are there! But we can get to know each other a little better each day.