My fiance and I are getting married in Ohio in less than two weeks and we are both miserable with our situation. I am really looking for support or words of wisdom from people who have experienced something like this before.
We are both very much in love and confident in getting married. I am a teacher in Ohio and he is working for the government in California. I want to be in Ohio and he wants to be in California, but being together is our end goal. We have decided together that his career is more important to him than to me, and location is more important to me than to him, so we have been trying to get him a great job where I want to live if we can. Career and location though are very important to both of us. Anyway, he got a lead for a federal job in Ohio last fall and the process moved incredibly slowly. There were lots of good signs though and he was referred to D.C. for approval, so we decided to bank on him getting it (or something else in Ohio). I took a teaching job in Ohio in May and am contracted there through next June. (I moved within the state in order to be near all of the federal jobs for him.) We just found out today, less than 2 weeks before our wedding, that someone else was offered the federal position he had been referred for. He was encouraged to reapply for an opening they expect in the fall, and has a few other small leads at other agencies, but both of us are feeling very dejected and depressed about the prospect of going into another year of long distance, especially our first year of marriage and with me being 30 and running out of time to have kids. (And wanting a year of chill time together before even thinking about kids, honestly!)
Lots of people have been surprised that I didn't just ditch Ohio for California. My family and friends are here though, cost of living is lower, and I have a photography business that would be largely lost upon moving. His mother is also pretty overbearing, and I would prefer to have distance. We have been saying lately that our plan was that we'd give him a year to find something in Ohio and if he doesn't, I'll go there next spring. Which is ok, but we are just really feeling burned out after 2 years straight of long distance and after 8 months hoping he would get this job in Ohio. With our wedding coming up soon, that makes it even worse. I'm so tempted to just break my contract and move out there, giving up on everything here, but it would mean I could likely never teach in Ohio again, I would burn bridges with one of the best school districts in the country, and then if he did get an offer somehow here I'd feel terrible. I also half wish we could put off our wedding for a year, but at this point everything has been paid for so that's not really practical at this point.
I'd really appreciate any thoughts or support from people who have been down a similar path. My fiance and I are so right for each other and we visit often, but we are just at our wits end with not living together.
We are both very much in love and confident in getting married. I am a teacher in Ohio and he is working for the government in California. I want to be in Ohio and he wants to be in California, but being together is our end goal. We have decided together that his career is more important to him than to me, and location is more important to me than to him, so we have been trying to get him a great job where I want to live if we can. Career and location though are very important to both of us. Anyway, he got a lead for a federal job in Ohio last fall and the process moved incredibly slowly. There were lots of good signs though and he was referred to D.C. for approval, so we decided to bank on him getting it (or something else in Ohio). I took a teaching job in Ohio in May and am contracted there through next June. (I moved within the state in order to be near all of the federal jobs for him.) We just found out today, less than 2 weeks before our wedding, that someone else was offered the federal position he had been referred for. He was encouraged to reapply for an opening they expect in the fall, and has a few other small leads at other agencies, but both of us are feeling very dejected and depressed about the prospect of going into another year of long distance, especially our first year of marriage and with me being 30 and running out of time to have kids. (And wanting a year of chill time together before even thinking about kids, honestly!)
Lots of people have been surprised that I didn't just ditch Ohio for California. My family and friends are here though, cost of living is lower, and I have a photography business that would be largely lost upon moving. His mother is also pretty overbearing, and I would prefer to have distance. We have been saying lately that our plan was that we'd give him a year to find something in Ohio and if he doesn't, I'll go there next spring. Which is ok, but we are just really feeling burned out after 2 years straight of long distance and after 8 months hoping he would get this job in Ohio. With our wedding coming up soon, that makes it even worse. I'm so tempted to just break my contract and move out there, giving up on everything here, but it would mean I could likely never teach in Ohio again, I would burn bridges with one of the best school districts in the country, and then if he did get an offer somehow here I'd feel terrible. I also half wish we could put off our wedding for a year, but at this point everything has been paid for so that's not really practical at this point.
I'd really appreciate any thoughts or support from people who have been down a similar path. My fiance and I are so right for each other and we visit often, but we are just at our wits end with not living together.
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