I THOUGHT we had a plan...

[jenlee11]

A little frustrated tonight. Here's my situation:

Me: GREAT job, my family, my new nephew, friends, my own place.
Him: Military (which he is really disliking), doesn't want to go back to where he's from

We talked about me going there so he could stay in till he can retire. Cool. I guess I'll try to find a job. My line of work is pretty specialized and I will not be able to find work making what I am now. The closest facility that is similar is an hour away and the only postings they ever have would be less than half of what I'm making. I'd be leaving my family whom I am VERY close to, and my awesome nephew who is my heart and soul.

He changed his mind. He wants to get out. He hates it, he wants me to be with my family and doesn't want me to leave my job. He'll come here.

He changed his mind again. He might want to stay in. Ugh.. I have such a great chance of advancement even more with my job.. he's scared of not being able to make money when he gets out of the military.

I'm not expecting him to make his mind up right now but I felt confident that he was coming here. I guess I'm bummed out? Regardless I want to be with him however I can be, but I guess I got my hopes up that he'd be here. I got comfortable with the idea and started looking for a house.

Words of wisdom?

[differentcountries]

Can't he apply for jobs while still being in the military and take it from there?

I don't understand, were you originally planning for him to move without having a job? Unless you make a lot of money - and you already don't have a house - that sounds very risky.

[R&R]

I would say focus on you and what's best for you right now. Until he can make up his mind what he wants to do 100%, don't rely on what his plan is to adjust your life.

My older daughter has a very good friend who is in the military. 3 times he was going to leave and 3 times he resigned up for another stint. He is finally out, got a job and bought a house. He really wrestled with wanting out but all the benefits of staying in.

[strawberries-and-cakes]

Ultimately, the decision he makes on whether he should move out or not is something that you can't really control - after all, it's his life and his future that depends on this too. It's probably a hard time for your SO right now, figuring out what is best, but I am sure he is contemplating seriously about moving in with you, but at the same time, troubled by how his future would turn out to be with his job if he actually did so. The best thing for you to do right now is to remain supportive and wait for him to choose what he wants to do, regardless of how long that wait would be. Don't move out just to be with him, and leave your family just for him - know that it would be best to wait for him to come home to move in with you, after he really knows what he wants to do with his future and his plans.

[whatruckus]

Can't he apply for jobs while still being in the military and take it from there?

I don't understand, were you originally planning for him to move without having a job? Unless you make a lot of money - and you already don't have a house - that sounds very risky.

It's not that simple if he's in the US. There's a process of getting out, especially if he's Active Duty. My SO changed his mind a lot about whether he should stay in or let his contract run out. He re-enlisted twice since we have been together, before he really decided he didn't want to do it anymore. It wasn't so much that he hated it, but he hated some of the incompetency of a few people in higher ranks than him, and how they ran things (some of the stories he told me...wow, I couldn't believe how some people really do not have common sense). Plus, it always ended up that he would have to take over, or someone would pass jobs onto him because he's more reliable, and not an idiot. He loves and still misses that brotherhood. I will say this, if there's a chance his Company will deploy, he's already told me he will re-enlist so he can help. No question about that.

As for OP, how old is your SO? How long has he been in, what's his MoS? What branch? If he has a specialized MoS, he has a better chance of getting a job (engineering, medical, etc). Unfortunately, my SO's MoS was Infantry (Army), and there's not too many jobs willing to hire them because they think Grunts are stupid. My SO was trained to kill and protect, so his job options are limited to labor and LEO/Firefighter/Corrections. He got hired by a PA state prison, so he's very happy with it. Full benefits from the state, great pay, 2 increases in pay a year, and all the over time he wants. Also, his prison is Unionized. He was lucky that when he got called to come back for another interview that they were only seeking to hire Veterans. Still wants to be a cop though, it's been his dream job.

Being in the military is tough. Most of the guys re-enlist because of the fear your SO has, along with not wanting to leave the Brotherhood.