Closing it?

[lena-and-roel]

Most of you are here on this forum because you are/were/want to be in LDR. First meet goes great, he comes to meet your family, then you go to meet his... Things are going great.

Since I think a lot about how amazing our relationship is, I think about our future also. Our relationship is kinda harder, because we are international couple, I am from Croatia, while he is Dutch. Different language, different culture, lifestyle... That's why our plan is to move across the globe to USA, Chicago, once we are done with collage, so we can start our new life there.

We are always talking about how we will explore the world together, but when you actually think about it... We will work for the most of the year, and once our holidays start we will surely go to Croatia and Netherlands. Tickets from Chicago to both of those places are not cheap at all. We will spend all of our money on plane tickets... Which makes me really sad, because as much as I would like to visit his and mine family, I would also like to go to new places with him. We have strong bonds with our families and I know they will be heartbroken if we wont visit them at least once a year.

Then again, it will just be harder with kids. Our parents wont see their grandchildren growing up, it breaks my heart that they will have to see them growing up through skype, phone calls, pictures and so on, our grandparents may never even meet their great grandchildren just because of the distance.

Now, I am actually thinking about us staying in Netherlands or Croatia, because going so far away from our families will be too hard to deal with.

Please tell me your opinion about this, because I need one. Thank you

[snow]

It's not that easy to just move to the states and live here. There is only a very limited amount of options to get into this country, even fewer without family ties, so while this might be a great idea, why shoot for so far away, when you can have something similar or at least comparable in the EU?
There are plenty English speaking countries you, as EU citizens, have the ability to move to and visiting your family would still cost money, but FAR less than having to plan for plane tickets - train tickets can be MUCH cheaper!

I would say you guys should consider the pros and cons of each of your own countries and countries that you could potentially move to within the EU.

[yuunai]

We are an international couple as well, and planning to close the distance in about 2 years. For us it was kind of obvious that I'd be moving to his country - Norway. He doesn't really want to move away from there to my country - Hungary -which honestly I can understand, and I want to move away from my country as soon as possible so it's a win-win for us.
It's possible to travel a lot, but not right away. Maybe instead of visiting each other's country one summer, you could travel to a third option country and meet there, that's a way of exploring the world together as well
As for the language, I started learning Norwegian a year ago and he's helping me when he can and I love the language. Maybe you could do the same. Teach each other. It's fun

Also there's no need to stress over this topic so early I think, especially not about grandchildren. As of right now just go with the flow. As you said there's still college for both of you, that's enough work in itself. Just finish that first and maybe when you are in your last year you can think and plan more about moving.

[sasad]

Agree with both posters above!!
Its way to soon to be talking kids etc. You are still in the new part of your relationship as well.. you have been together for 8-9 months, and still have 2 years of college to go. That and having kids will most likely take most of your money... so traveling and seeing the world will be tough unless you have GREAT paying jobs.
Have you ever been to Chicago? Or any place else in the US? Why would you go so far away ???

[whatruckus]

Yeah, I also agree with everyone else. You also have to keep in mind the job market of where you want to live, and for what career you want to pursue. While the US has better options for certain things, there's a lot of drawbacks. Also, considering there's a chance that Donald Trump may become president in November, he doesn't take too kindly to immigrants and foreigners (and a lot of people feel the same way as him, it's sick). So, since you wouldn't be moving for another few years, if that, I don't doubt that he would make it even harder for someone from out of the country to move here, find a job, and stay. It's really not that easy to just pick up and live here as it is right now. We don't have Universal Healthcare, it's actually pretty expensive for insurance, even with the Affordable Care Act that Pres. Obama instituted. Our schools are not the best. College is extremely expensive, at least $10,000-$40,000 USD a semester, depending where you go. If you go to community college, it's about $1,000-$2,000 a semester.

The job market in general is improving, but still not up to standards. Most companies do not offer paid Maternity Leave or paid Paternity Leave, benefits, insurance, sick days/personal days, vacation time, pensions, 401k... etc. There's a fight about minimum wage and if we should raise it. Very few states and cities offer a real living minimum wage.

Links for minimum wage:
Chicago
National
TIME Magazine article

Housing is also expensive depending where you go.

Housing Market:
Trulia
Chicago Tribune
Chicago Business
Zillow

Cost of living:
PayScale
Expatistan

The school system is mixed with some schools being amazing, and some being bad (but, that happens in every state).

School Ratings (it's hard to find numbers comparing it to the rest of the nation, so I did the best I could. Keep in mind these lists contain public schools that are free, and private schools which cost you money):
GreatSchools.org
US News High School list

Also, while Chicago is a great city (TheSteelAngel knows all about it because she grew up partly there and visits frequently), it has a pretty high crime rate. Lots of homicides among other things, and in recent months, it's gotten worse.

Crime Rate Articles:
Washington Post article about crime soaring
USA Today article about crime soaring
ABC News article
NY Times Article

I'm not trying to dissuade you for what you and your SO have dreams for, but I'm a very realistic person and I research things constantly. Researching these types of things isn't just for your idea of moving to Chicago, but anywhere in general. Even areas close to you or your SO. There are A LOT of things to consider before moving, especially if you want to have a family some day. I'm looking into moving close to my former SO's area, but I wouldn't actually move to Philadelphia, at least not exactly where he is. Why? Because I researched it and the Job Market kinda sucks, unless you live in Center City and have connections. The housing is cheap, but it highly depends on where in the city you move. Crime is meh, but not great. Their school system kinda sucks too. I also overall look at the area, how many depression areas are there (places where poverty is high, and sometimes associated with it is crime). I look at commuting times, what's in the area. Are there supermarkets, or stores close by, or will I have to travel 30 mins away by car like my brother does where he lives in Pennsylvania? How close and accessible is Public Transit if I need it? How many gas stations are close by? Where's the nearest hospital, and how long will it take me to get there? Is the hospital a good one? And, these are things drilled into me from my parents, other family members, and even friends that have moved away and started families. You don't have to consider everything that I've suggested, a lot of it also has to do with the fact that I have anxiety and slight OCD, so I'm paranoid and make sure I can compensate for certain things (I actually overcompensate to prepare myself).

You need to be practical, logical, and realistic. Especially when it involves a huge move, such as the one you and your SO would like to make, and when it involves starting a family some day. It's totally fine and acceptable to have your dreams and work towards them, they are definitely not impossible, but like I said, you need to do your research so that you are somewhat prepared for what happens. Like I said, it's not impossible, but make yourself aware of these things. The worst thing that could happen is that you move here, and everything falls apart before you've even started.

The US is great, but it's not that great.

[TheSteelAngel]

Yeah, I also agree with everyone else. You also have to keep in mind the job market of where you want to live, and for what career you want to pursue. While the US has better options for certain things, there's a lot of drawbacks. Also, considering there's a chance that Donald Trump may become president in November, he doesn't take too kindly to immigrants and foreigners (and a lot of people feel the same way as him, it's sick). So, since you wouldn't be moving for another few years, if that, I don't doubt that he would make it even harder for someone from out of the country to move here, find a job, and stay. It's really not that easy to just pick up and live here as it is right now. We don't have Universal Healthcare, it's actually pretty expensive for insurance, even with the Affordable Care Act that Pres. Obama instituted. Our schools are not the best. College is extremely expensive, at least $10,000-$40,000 USD a semester, depending where you go. If you go to community college, it's about $1,000-$2,000 a semester.

The job market in general is improving, but still not up to standards. Most companies do not offer paid Maternity Leave or paid Paternity Leave, benefits, insurance, sick days/personal days, vacation time, pensions, 401k... etc. There's a fight about minimum wage and if we should raise it. Very few states and cities offer a real living minimum wage.

Links for minimum wage:
Chicago
National
TIME Magazine article

Housing is also expensive depending where you go.

Housing Market:
Trulia
Chicago Tribune
Chicago Business
Zillow

Cost of living:
PayScale
Expatistan

The school system is mixed with some schools being amazing, and some being bad (but, that happens in every state).

School Ratings (it's hard to find numbers comparing it to the rest of the nation, so I did the best I could. Keep in mind these lists contain public schools that are free, and private schools which cost you money):
GreatSchools.org
US News High School list

Also, while Chicago is a great city (TheSteelAngel knows all about it because she grew up partly there and visits frequently), it has a pretty high crime rate. Lots of homicides among other things, and in recent months, it's gotten worse.

Crime Rate Articles:
Washington Post article about crime soaring
USA Today article about crime soaring
ABC News article
NY Times Article

I'm not trying to dissuade you for what you and your SO have dreams for, but I'm a very realistic person and I research things constantly. Researching these types of things isn't just for your idea of moving to Chicago, but anywhere in general. Even areas close to you or your SO. There are A LOT of things to consider before moving, especially if you want to have a family some day. I'm looking into moving close to my former SO's area, but I wouldn't actually move to Philadelphia, at least not exactly where he is. Why? Because I researched it and the Job Market kinda sucks, unless you live in Center City and have connections. The housing is cheap, but it highly depends on where in the city you move. Crime is meh, but not great. Their school system kinda sucks too. I also overall look at the area, how many depression areas are there (places where poverty is high, and sometimes associated with it is crime). I look at commuting times, what's in the area. Are there supermarkets, or stores close by, or will I have to travel 30 mins away by car like my brother does where he lives in Pennsylvania? How close and accessible is Public Transit if I need it? How many gas stations are close by? Where's the nearest hospital, and how long will it take me to get there? Is the hospital a good one? And, these are things drilled into me from my parents, other family members, and even friends that have moved away and started families. You don't have to consider everything that I've suggested, a lot of it also has to do with the fact that I have anxiety and slight OCD, so I'm paranoid and make sure I can compensate for certain things (I actually overcompensate to prepare myself).

You need to be practical, logical, and realistic. Especially when it involves a huge move, such as the one you and your SO would like to make, and when it involves starting a family some day. It's totally fine and acceptable to have your dreams and work towards them, they are definitely not impossible, but like I said, you need to do your research so that you are somewhat prepared for what happens. Like I said, it's not impossible, but make yourself aware of these things. The worst thing that could happen is that you move here, and everything falls apart before you've even started.

The US is great, but it's not that great.

Haha yes to all of this. OP let me tell you something right now. As a Chicago native myself I am at liberty to say this but you should probably stay away from Chicago. It's a terrible place to raise children. There are hardly any chances of children getting a good education here as public schools around the city are all in danger of closing down. My sister-in-law is a teacher and so is my step sister and they both might lose their jobs in the near future. It's really hard to make a living here. Even my aunt who lives in the city by herself is having problems paying rent. She had to sell her car and most of her belongings just to keep a roof over her head. Even the suburban areas where I grew up in are terrible and are inhabited by mostly gang members. Now there are some good places in the city but it's mostly the tourist stuff. The rest of Chicago is a toilet and I hate it, but that is MY opinion of it. You guys will have to talk about it and make a decision together. You are only 18 now so you have plenty of time to think things through.

[differentcountries]

If you and your SO are 18, it is going to be quite difficult for you to move to the US and start living there. Your best shot is probably education, if you can afford it. With a student visa you can enter the US. Is there any reason why you want to move to Chicago? And dont get me started on the both of you moving to a different country/culture, possably with no network to set you up.... it is going to be hard and expensive and you will need a more solid plan.

Even closing the distance to one of your countries is probably going to be a lot of paperwork and cost you a lot of money.

If you want to consider another country in the EU, you can explore different options. But usually, countries require that you can support yourself. You are only 18. What kind of skills do you have? What kind of jobs do you want?

If you move to States or another country and then deside that you want to move to one of your home countries, you risk having to split up because one of you have to be the host person and already have a job there to prove that you can support the other person...That means probably being long distance for at least a year.

SO and I have never really consider any other countries than our home countries. He is not adventurous, and I dont know why I should live somewhere neighter of us have ties. Plus it is hard to be able to move my husband, as well. We consider very strongly getting SO to move here on a work permission/visa. He a waiter with a degree in hotel management, and we know a restaurant that would consider hiring him, possably as the middle manager. I will work closely with the restaurant to make sure all the papers are in order and I already talked to immigration about it. Right now, we are focusing on preparing him coming here for a visitor visa with guarantee, my plan is to get a private toutor to teach him (and possably his friend/a small group) Norwegian as in intensive course. And I want him to stay at least 2 months so that he will really get a hang of the daily life here, which he will need if he wants to consider living here. I know he wants to make money, times are tough in Turkey because of the political unrest and tourist decline, and worker's rights are better here. It also means we could all live in the same country, otherwise I would be in a long distance relationship with my husband. I would not mind living in Turkey because I love so much about the country, but my Turkish is only at beginner's level and I would fear for my income there. The family economy is dependant on me making good money and I do that in my current job. The general salaries in Turkey means it would be hard to travel and visit my home country a lot, unless I worked for a international company. We have talked about buying or building a summer home in Turkey, and this is the plan when the economy allows. The three of us talk about money a lot, to make plans and at this point the focus is first on erasing/reducing debts.

Focus first and foremost on your education. Get a degree or a skill. Then you can make money and you are better suited for making good choises about your lives together.

[BaconGirl05]

My SO and I are an international couple as well. We have not officially closed the distance until our visa comes through, but I am staying in Australia with my SO while we're waiting for it. This means I am away from my friends and family. I've actually been having a hard time coping with this, however, this is what we want. SO and I decided to stay in Australia. We are going to be starting our life here and raising our family here.

It's definitely a discussion to have with your SO on where is best for you both. I understand how you feel about being far away from your families. My SO and I talked a lot about that, and it sucked that one of us has to be so far away from our family. I'm 8000 miles away from my everyone, but thankfully with technology, I can Skype or call my family. I suggest doing some research on where you want to go and what places give you guys the best opportunities. You guys are still young though, so don't feel pressured to make a decision right away. I personally think this kind of thing is a big deal, so definitely make sure you guys are on the same page with things.

Good luck xx