Moving in

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I was talking with my fiance the other day, and I laid my feelings bare. I said that I am finding this situation really tough, and it was making the distance feel bigger than before. Because of the that, it's highlighted how much I miss him, and how alone I really am. I said that I don't want to be alone anymore, and I can't stand the distance between us. I said I would be content to move to Northern Ireland if it meant that we could close the distance after the international borders are lifted. In essence, I asked him to move in with me, and he said it would be nice to know that we could close the distance when the borders open again.
It feels so strange to say this, as our relationship has always been a bit muddled in it's progression. We fell in love and talked of marriage before we met. Then we got engaged after one visit. Now we're talking of moving in together, but in order for it to happen we need to marry before we can do that.
I guess it's something like an old fashioned relationship, where you don't spend much time together before you're married to one another.
I also told him that I knew he was worried as we haven't spent much time together, and said that to my mind we already knew the important things about each other. We know each other intimately and emotionally as we share the same scars and we've been through the same battles. We also know each other's darkest parts and love each other despite them. There is nothing that could make me leave him.

I will be honest, and say that I know it won't be easy for either of us. The visa is the official part that I worry about most.

[LeoJ]

Whoosh! I find this fascinating! I have been with my SO long distance for 5 yrs and I still feel like I don't know him sometimes. He has many stories and a past life where many emotions run deep. It seems every day there is something that I didn't know about after all these years and he always says " I know I told you that". In all honesty, I may well have forgotten in all these years but I have a great memory. Anyway, I just want to say that you are really brave and must really really love him if you are willing to relocate to have him by your side. I don't think that I am ready for that even after 5 yrs but I should be. Also, have you started the VISA process yet? I would like to know how you go about it as I think I would like to start as well even though my SO's health is not so great. I think you are awesome and he's a lucky man to have you as his fiancee.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

Whoosh! I find this fascinating! I have been with my SO long distance for 5 yrs and I still feel like I don't know him sometimes. He has many stories and a past life where many emotions run deep. It seems every day there is something that I didn't know about after all these years and he always says " I know I told you that". In all honesty, I may well have forgotten in all these years but I have a great memory. Anyway, I just want to say that you are really brave and must really really love him if you are willing to relocate to have him by your side. I don't think that I am ready for that even after 5 yrs but I should be. Also, have you started the VISA process yet? I would like to know how you go about it as I think I would like to start as well even though my SO's health is not so great. I think you are awesome and he's a lucky man to have you as his fiancee.

It's been an interesting 2 years together so far, but he's never wavered no matter what we've been through. He's always been there for me, even when I knew he was scared. He's reassured me when I was scared, and he knows how to handle me emotionally. I can depend on him in a crisis, and he's steadfast. The few times I've ever asked him for anything, he's done it without issue.

There is tons of stuff I don't know about him, like all his stories etc. But for me, they don't matter so much because they only tell me what he used to be like. He's not a very talkative person, and I don't like to ask too many questions. I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know him, rather than having it all known before hand. No matter how much he tells me, there will always be things I don't know about him. I prefer him to have a lot of mystery.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for him, because I love him unconditionally. Whenever I love that way, I'm the same. I don't know if I would put myself out for my sister...but he can have my kidneys if he ever needs them. In prison? I'll be visiting.

We haven't started on the visa yet, as I need to have 6 months work at £1550 per month as a minimum to be able to support him. He'll need 2 visas, as each lasts 2.5years. After the 5 years, he should be able to apply for Indefinite Leave To Remain. It's a long and expensive process at around £2500 for each application, plus the additional costs for biometrics, health checks etc. I imagine the full total will be about £10,000. Though that doesn't include replacing his driving license, and taking the theory and practical test after one year on his American licence.
It really will be a crazy few years going through it all, and that's without him adjusting to a new country, settling into marriage, finding work, making friends, being an ocean away from all his family, homesickness, and learning Irish English.

[LeoJ]

You're awesome! Also, what you say is right, the mystery is good. I wish I could say that I have a lifetime with my SO but he is a bit past it so time is somewhat limited. Not sure we would even make it through the VISa process. The money would not be the problem, just the time. My 18 yr old still lives with me and she needs to be on her own for me to move even. That is another story