Is this a bad idea?

[Michelle]

I think you two have plenty of time before June to arrange a visit. A lot can change in half a year. If his mom knows he is moving to be with you, maybe she would actually be willing to meet you.

[Zephii]

I think that's probably the part when you tell him to grow up and speak with you like an adult

[Bluestars]

I do not understand how your mom isn't ok with him visiting you but she is ok with him moving in. That doesn't make any sense to me >.<

I would have never, ever, ever moved in with my SO before we met in person. Heck, we are not even ready for that stage at this point in our relationship.

Like others have said, I think that is a very bad idea. Communicating online is completely different than communicating in person. You discover a lot of things that you didn't know about the other person. Not only that, but there is the whole "chemistry" element as well. Just because you guys like each other now does not mean that there will be chemistry in person. Not to say you guys won't have it--my SO and I certainly did--but there is a risk. Having a back up plan is probably second best to setting up a visit just in case that happens.

But I really encourage you to set up a visit first!

[Dauntedpoet]

I agree there is plenty of time to meet him before June, even if its just for a couple of days, I'm not sure where your SO is located, but I would look into a cheap hotel for a couple of nights, just so you can get past that first meeting and take the pressure off the moving in. And then think about how excited you will be when you close the distance!

[Tabitha]

I would try to meet him first. Moving in with someone is a huge deal. You never know how things will work out until you really get to know someone in person.

[gh0stfl0wers]

I have tried talking to him about my concerns and all he does is make either this face =( or this >_<. Not really good convo eh?

If this is the way he handles problems, how are you going to handle it if you fight (they do happen in every relationship)? It is crucial in a relationship to COMMUNICATE! If he isn't willing to talk about a back up plan then he is definitely not mature enough to take a big step like that. Really. MEET FIRST! It doesn't matter what his mother says, get a hotel room

[Riyko]

If he has family in WA then couldn't he go and stay with them for a week and you two could meet up then. Right now to me that seems like the most plausible idea since you don't have money to go and visit him.

[DarkSolitary]

I do not understand how your mom isn't ok with him visiting you but she is ok with him moving in. That doesn't make any sense to me >.<

I would have never, ever, ever moved in with my SO before we met in person. Heck, we are not even ready for that stage at this point in our relationship.

Like others have said, I think that is a very bad idea. Communicating online is completely different than communicating in person. You discover a lot of things that you didn't know about the other person. Not only that, but there is the whole "chemistry" element as well. Just because you guys like each other now does not mean that there will be chemistry in person. Not to say you guys won't have it--my SO and I certainly did--but there is a risk. Having a back up plan is probably second best to setting up a visit just in case that happens.

But I really encourage you to set up a visit first!

My mom is fine with him visiting but it's his mom that isn't. She won't let me go there and she won't let him come here =/

[DarkSolitary]

If this is the way he handles problems, how are you going to handle it if you fight (they do happen in every relationship)? It is crucial in a relationship to COMMUNICATE! If he isn't willing to talk about a back up plan then he is definitely not mature enough to take a big step like that. Really. MEET FIRST! It doesn't matter what his mother says, get a hotel room

We do communicate. He just doesn't really know what to say to my concerns. And he kinda does have a back up plan but its still quite a rough plan.

[DarkSolitary]

Why does his mom's approval mean anything if you know she's going to be like this? Rent a hotel room or if he's in a big city check out hostels. If he's graduating, I assume he'll be 18 so he can do what he wants as well. I assume that once he moves with you she'll blow a gasket anyways, if that's her attitude about your relationship. You're not going to avoid it no matter what, although I would hope she'd at least agree to have dinner with you and your SO so she could get to know you.

He lives near Chicago. So I could check out Hostels or something if I do go visit. And his mom is in the mind set that he's not an adult when he's 18 and that he's not allowed to move out when he's 25 :/ And I know we can't avoid her but we want to at least make it easier on her so she will be less... mad. And like there's a slight language barrier between me and her so... It might be hard to have a decent conversation with her :[

[mllebamako]

And I know we can't avoid her but we want to at least make it easier on her so she will be less... mad.

I may have missed this, but how is him moving out to a house of strangers and going against his mother's wishes making it "easier on her"?

I mean, is he planning on just denouncing his family?

[DarkSolitary]

I may have missed this, but how is him moving out to a house of strangers and going against his mother's wishes making it "easier on her"?

I mean, is he planning on just denouncing his family?

No not at all. I used the wrong word. Like we were planning on easing her into the idea of it... She will still be as mad as a bull no doubt but it won't be like dropping a bomb on her i guess? yes, go ahead and say it, me and my SO are just young and dumb and all that jazz but like we really don't have much of a choice :x Say I were to do the slow -and better- route and did visits and all that. I don't even know if she would even let me see him during the visits... She's very... controlling and over protective sometimes.. not saying that being over protective is a bad thing for a mother but she needs to let him live his life. And making him stay in her home until he is 25 would not allow that and he doesn't want to stay in her house until he is 25.

I think I need to edit my first post and kind of explain the whole situation better >_<

[mllebamako]

No not at all. I used the wrong word. Like we were planning on easing her into the idea of it... She will still be as mad as a bull no doubt but it won't be like dropping a bomb on her i guess? yes, go ahead and say it, me and my SO are just young and dumb and all that jazz but like we really don't have much of a choice :x Say I were to do the slow -and better- route and did visits and all that. I don't even know if she would even let me see him during the visits... She's very... controlling and over protective sometimes.. not saying that being over protective is a bad thing for a mother but she needs to let him live his life. And making him stay in her home until he is 25 would not allow that and he doesn't want to stay in her house until he is 25.

I think I need to edit my first post and kind of explain the whole situation better >_<

Yeah I guess I'm just a bit confused. I never said you were young or dumb though. I just don't understand because you said you want to ease her into the situation but him moving out suddenly to live with you would be dropping a huge bomb on her.
I believe you that she is controlling and over-protective, there are people like that out there. I just hope that your SO can talk to her and make her want to meet you a few times. If not, she's going to miss out on a big part of her son's life.

[DarkSolitary]

Yeah I guess I'm just a bit confused. I never said you were young or dumb though. I just don't understand because you said you want to ease her into the situation but him moving out suddenly to live with you would be dropping a huge bomb on her.
I believe you that she is controlling and over-protective, there are people like that out there. I just hope that your SO can talk to her and make her want to meet you a few times. If not, she's going to miss out on a big part of her son's life.

Hmm.. like i guess introduce it to her in baby steps.

like:

Have him bring up to her that he wants to go to college in Washington and let her get used to that idea by telling her good points like the programs would be better for him here than where he is but he would need to live a year in washington to gain residency so he can afford it. Of course she will probably say that he would be better off going to college in his state since he already has residency but he can try to convince that the programs would be better for him if he goes to college in my state. let her get used to him moving out of state first. she of course will be mad but he can reason with her. then after she gets used to the idea of him moving out of state he could, if necessary, bring up that he would be living with me and my parents. But if she's already fine with him going to college elsewhere why bring up another sore spot unless she asks? Now if she does ask about his living situation here he could (and hopefully will) say that he will be living with me and my parents. She will probably be mad either way he approaches it but at least it won't be one big bomb i guess? this plan is still pretty rough and sketchy but its really the only we me and him can think of to bring it up to her We also think that maybe it will ease her mind that my parents will be around? We really don't know but its worth a shot.