Waiting... and waiting... Ugh, help?

[Silviar]

Bear with me, I've a lot of frustration about this, so I hope this makes sense. I don't know if I need advice, commiseration, hugs... maybe a boot in the ass, but I'm stuck here and I need to talk.

My SO and I are working hard to close the distance. It's a slow, frustrating process because we had to wait for him to get a job - which he has now, and will supposedly start soon. And now we've got to wait for the right amount of money to be saved. Ideally, we'd save until April and I'd go over in May, but he's having a really, really hard time with the distance. His mood is foul, his sleep cycle is fucked, and he's admitted that it's eating him alive. His only hope right now is that work will help right him.

Now, he apologizes after he blows up and everything, so it's not a matter of him being a jerk - but I can see how much this is affecting him. And me - I'm not completely roses and sunshine either, although I've accepted this is life and I have to suck it up and deal with it.

Add to this that I'm very unhappy in my job. Originally I planned on quitting my job come April so I can spend a month with my family before I go, but this sadness and general black cloud that keeps hanging over us worries me. It won't cause a break-up, but seeing it eat us alive is painful.

I've been thinking and thinking about it, and I'm seriously considering just going for it and leaving in March. It's the first thing I've said that's made him perk up and feel at all better, and I'm starting to think it's going to become more of an option than a requirement.

Here's where my neuroses gets in the way - if I leave in March, I'll have enough money to cover everything I need, but I'll only have my bare minimum. Enough to cover my visa retainer (I have to show proof of $5k in AUD funds for purposes of my trip), insurance, and so on. He wants to pay for my ticket, but if we do March I'll probably have to stick it on my credit card and pay it off the following month (as I don't know if he'll have enough in March, but definitely will in April).

My expenses there will be minimal - I have a free place to stay until I get a job and adjust to the country. Am I being overly cautious? I mean, having $5-7k in hand is good, but on the other hand, I'm going to a foreign country where living costs more. Then again, I have a place and family to stay with, and an SO who's supportive and willing to support us as I find my feet.

I just want myself and us as a couple to be happy. So if I do go in March, my thoughts are this:

I'll have to quit my job with just enough on the fence to cover everything. I may not be able to stay with my parents more than 2 weeks, and I definitely won't be able to afford a trip to go see my grandma and dad before I go. If I do it this way, I'll make it a priority to go back home for several weeks to visit within the first 18 months of being in Australia.

I'd be a lot happier. I hate my job, and I'm sick of it sucking away my writing career and life (I freelance write/career build as well as work a full-time job).

My SO wants to make sure he's where he wants to be financially before we decide, but honestly... if we're doing March, I need to know NOW. Two months for me makes a huge difference in terms of getting everything squared away. I can support myself once I'm there.

He wouldn't disagree or necessarily be unhappy if I chose to just come in March, but it's a conversation he just doesn't want to have about his finances until he has a few paychecks under his belt... and by then it'll be February...

Argh, see where the circle loops? Please help. Brain is exploding. x.x Do I make the decision and tell him I'm coming, wait...?

[mllebamako]

Honestly, March and May are not that far apart. It just seems like you both will be in a better place financially if you wait. But that's me...I'm pretty practical, although I wish I was more spontaneous, but the practical side always wins. Of course, I also don't know how you guys are feeling emotionally due to the distance. It sounds like it is really taking a toll on both of you. But don't you think that pain will really subside when your moving there is not so far away? For me, the pain is so minimal right now because I know I am moving in May and that seems like it's right around the corner. I would hope that things would get easier for both of you as things got closer.

Don't know if that helped. But in any case, I'm sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts. It'll be okay. And if you need to talk, I'm here.

[Silviar]

Honestly, March and May are not that far apart. It just seems like you both will be in a better place financially if you wait. But that's me...I'm pretty practical, although I wish I was more spontaneous, but the practical side always wins. Of course, I also don't know how you guys are feeling emotionally due to the distance. It sounds like it is really taking a toll on both of you. But don't you think that pain will really subside when your moving there is not so far away? For me, the pain is so minimal right now because I know I am moving in May and that seems like it's right around the corner. I would hope that things would get easier for both of you as things got closer.

Don't know if that helped. But in any case, I'm sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts. It'll be okay. And if you need to talk, I'm here.

The problem is what month we pick is in limbo. We have no set date, at all. And I'm sure that's a large contribution. I'm of the nature that practicality wins out usually too, but if he gets eaten down to a shadow of himself, we're gonna have a problem.

[TknandLvnIt]

Well pick a date :-). I know that sounds simple but having a definite date or goal in mind really helps me with the distance. Maybe a date halfway between the two like midmarch or early April? Also maybe budgeting would help. Like figuring out if there is a way for you to be able to have the money you need without having to scrape it together. So maybe no eating out until you move and then going to a fancy dinner together or maybe something even simpler but I know that I have saved a lot that way. Maybe consider finding a job like you or your SO can do during your free time to make a little extra cash like knitting scarves or baking treats depending on what you are both good at...I hope this helps a little bit :-)

[Zephii]

There is such a thing as being too careful. You're not a frivlous teenager, you're a smart woman who knows her way in the world. So, what's life without a little risk? Sometimes you just have to say "This is it," and jump in with both feet.
Besides, how healthy is it to work a job you hate just for the money? (I yell at myself for this shit all the time.) It really is just money, you can and you will make more of it.
But, listening to me probably isn't wise. I didn't even have the retainer when I moved here. I had $300 and a pocket full of prayers. >.>

I'm also thinking, seeming you're moving to another country, you're not going to need all your stuff. You could pick up quite a few pennies throwing a garage sale or on ebay and that might be enough to make the difference.

TknandLvnIt's half-way date suggestion is also good. Knowing it's sooner than he expected might be enough to tip the balance, but you still have time to squirel away pennies.

[Čternity]

Check out the ticket prices. If you see a fabulously cheap one I say go for it! Let that determine the date you leave.

[Karringtyn]

I have a lot in my mind about this but I need more time to process it..lol. I want to sleep on it before I suggest to you what I think (not that what I think matters that much)...but I want to be sure I say it with my heart....

[Dauntedpoet]

I am a life is to short to wait... (this from a woman that has already waited 9 years LOL) I say explore it. If you can afford it. Do it.

[Silviar]

Well pick a date :-). I know that sounds simple but having a definite date or goal in mind really helps me with the distance. Maybe a date halfway between the two like midmarch or early April? Also maybe budgeting would help. Like figuring out if there is a way for you to be able to have the money you need without having to scrape it together. So maybe no eating out until you move and then going to a fancy dinner together or maybe something even simpler but I know that I have saved a lot that way. Maybe consider finding a job like you or your SO can do during your free time to make a little extra cash like knitting scarves or baking treats depending on what you are both good at...I hope this helps a little bit :-)

I'm considering picking a date - and if I left in March, it'd be the end of March, not early. That's kind of half of our problem is how he doesn't want to discuss a date until those few paychecks are under his belt - and why waiting that long is a concern to me because I will be ready for sure by then - and I think he will be, too, but it goes back to the whole circular logic thing...

I actually freelance write, so I make money that way. the baking treats is a good idea, as I'm an excellent baker. I will have the money I need for the minimum amount to show the government, and I will most likely have $2-3k more, but minimum versus having a huge buffer for international travel... yeah...

There is such a thing as being too careful. You're not a frivlous teenager, you're a smart woman who knows her way in the world. So, what's life without a little risk? Sometimes you just have to say "This is it," and jump in with both feet.
Besides, how healthy is it to work a job you hate just for the money? (I yell at myself for this shit all the time.) It really is just money, you can and you will make more of it.
But, listening to me probably isn't wise. I didn't even have the retainer when I moved here. I had $300 and a pocket full of prayers. >.>

I'm also thinking, seeming you're moving to another country, you're not going to need all your stuff. You could pick up quite a few pennies throwing a garage sale or on ebay and that might be enough to make the difference.

TknandLvnIt's half-way date suggestion is also good. Knowing it's sooner than he expected might be enough to tip the balance, but you still have time to squirel away pennies.

Agreed - this job is actually physically affecting my health, it's so stressful and frustrating. I have some physical illness problems that go away when I'm off of work and reappear once I go back. It's... well, bad. XD

I've already planned on selling 98% of my stuff, including my car, which will bring in a pretty penny. You should see my budget - I have *everything* calculated, LOL. Projections galore!

Check out the ticket prices. If you see a fabulously cheap one I say go for it! Let that determine the date you leave.

Oh trust me, I've considered it. Strongly. LOL.

[Silviar]

I have a lot in my mind about this but I need more time to process it..lol. I want to sleep on it before I suggest to you what I think (not that what I think matters that much)...but I want to be sure I say it with my heart....

It's ok, that's how I've been as well - lots of time needed to think about this, lots of prayer, that's why I came here to ask other people... maybe there's something I'm missing, or maybe I just need a cold dose of reality. Anytime, it's welcome and badly needed, your opinion.

[lucybelle]

I say go for it! That's what I decided for myself too. I should stay in the USA and work for 2 more years, there's a lot of reasons to stay. But I'm saying screw it! You know why? Because I know deep down in my heart I would be happier somewhere else. Financially it would be better for me to stay, but screw that! I've been dirt poor before, and I can do it again. I'm quitting my job in June and moving to another country.

There have been a lot of things happen in my life this year and last year that make me think that I need to live life NOW. And not wait for it. I enjoy being spontaneous, and love the idea of an adventure.

You have to ask yourself, are you ready for an adventure?

[Silviar]

Thanks everyone. I'm closing the thread because I think we've reached the end of it's lifespan. Still have no idea what I'm going to do, and feeling pretty apathetic at this point. What will be, will be I guess.