I met my SO online 4yrs ago. We played the same online game and remained friends long after we stopped playing the game. In July 2010 something changed in the tone of our converstations and we started to develop feelings for eachother. Now we are madly in love. We met in Oct and it was amazing. We have made a point of travelling one weekend a month to see eachother ever since. Now we are talking about closing the distance.
Problem: His parents are extremely conservative, religious and controlling. He is 24 almost 25 and lives at home. His brother who is two years older also lives at home. This is so odd to me because I have not lived at home since I was 16!! He is a police officer and has an otherwise independent and stable life except for this situation with his parents. Additionally, its not just his parents it's "the family" as I have heard quoted several times by both him and his brother. Its aunts, grandparents, uncles etc who all apparently have opinions and approvals or disapprovals of their life. There is also a considerable amount of wealth in his family which contributes to this IMO blackmail of sorts.
I love him dearly and I know that he loves me. He says he doesnt care if they approve or not that no one is going to come between us or keep us apart. I'm so torn because I firmly believe they will judge me and my life before ever getting to know me. I am older than him, I am divorced, I have two children from my previous marriage (one is 18 and the other is 15 and lives with his father).
Originally our plan was for him to move where I live. He would move away from them and not have to deal with them everyday nor seek their approvals. However, this would be a massive shock and drama fest initially as they do not know anything about me. To them it would be like dropping a massive bomb randomly in their lives.
So then we had a plan that I would move there for six months. We would sign a six month lease and intially I would be his "roomate with seperate bedrooms" so that they could get to know me without harsh judgments and that after a period of time he would break the news that we are in love and that we are moving together back to my hometown.
The problem is I feel like the second one, while MAYBE, might go over better it is very deceptive and dishonest. I do not want to start my relationship with his parents by lying to them. Not to mention I feel like if he is not ashamed of me and my life then he just needs to tell them the truth and stand up for me and for us. We already know they will not approve of us living together before marriage (as a couple) and yet we WILL do that because I will not marry anyone I have not lived with.
He says he will stand up to them or tell them to F*&# off if it comes to that but I feel so bad for him having to choose between them and me. Plus I dont think he realizes how hurtful it is to have to cut off your parents from your life. (I know because I havent talked to my father for over 8yrs). I just want them to like me but I also dont want to have to change who I am for that approval.
How do we nagivate this delicate situation so that we can be together?
Problem: His parents are extremely conservative, religious and controlling. He is 24 almost 25 and lives at home. His brother who is two years older also lives at home. This is so odd to me because I have not lived at home since I was 16!! He is a police officer and has an otherwise independent and stable life except for this situation with his parents. Additionally, its not just his parents it's "the family" as I have heard quoted several times by both him and his brother. Its aunts, grandparents, uncles etc who all apparently have opinions and approvals or disapprovals of their life. There is also a considerable amount of wealth in his family which contributes to this IMO blackmail of sorts.
I love him dearly and I know that he loves me. He says he doesnt care if they approve or not that no one is going to come between us or keep us apart. I'm so torn because I firmly believe they will judge me and my life before ever getting to know me. I am older than him, I am divorced, I have two children from my previous marriage (one is 18 and the other is 15 and lives with his father).
Originally our plan was for him to move where I live. He would move away from them and not have to deal with them everyday nor seek their approvals. However, this would be a massive shock and drama fest initially as they do not know anything about me. To them it would be like dropping a massive bomb randomly in their lives.
So then we had a plan that I would move there for six months. We would sign a six month lease and intially I would be his "roomate with seperate bedrooms" so that they could get to know me without harsh judgments and that after a period of time he would break the news that we are in love and that we are moving together back to my hometown.
The problem is I feel like the second one, while MAYBE, might go over better it is very deceptive and dishonest. I do not want to start my relationship with his parents by lying to them. Not to mention I feel like if he is not ashamed of me and my life then he just needs to tell them the truth and stand up for me and for us. We already know they will not approve of us living together before marriage (as a couple) and yet we WILL do that because I will not marry anyone I have not lived with.
He says he will stand up to them or tell them to F*&# off if it comes to that but I feel so bad for him having to choose between them and me. Plus I dont think he realizes how hurtful it is to have to cut off your parents from your life. (I know because I havent talked to my father for over 8yrs). I just want them to like me but I also dont want to have to change who I am for that approval.
How do we nagivate this delicate situation so that we can be together?
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