How to Bring Up Closing The Distance...

[grayskies]

Well, me and my SO have been together for a long time, upwards of two years, probably more like three. Our relationship has no real clear beginning. Lately things haven't been so great at the place I've been living and I'm considering moving. My SO lives in New York, and I live in the Chicago area, and I was thinking that if I ended up getting a place of my own that I might ask him if he'd consider moving in with me.

We're very open with each other, we know literally, all of each other's secrets. If I were to actually do this instead of only hypothetically thinking about it, since we haven't met, it'd be at least a year in the future. That way we'd have time to meet, and to adjust to actually being around each other, and I would be financially stable enough to handle the whole situation.

But, what I really need advice on, is how to bring this up. I feelin incredibly silly, as I'm a shy person by nature. He's said it a number of times that I can talk to him about anything, but I suppose I'm just feeling unsure. : /

[Silviar]

Just bring it up. Make some plans to meet, and ask him if things go well from there, where he sees things going. That will open the door to talk about your expectations and hopes from each other's perspective.

[paulawriteslove]

I just think you should bring it up casually and ask him

[grayskies]

Thanks.

I think the uncertainty is coming from his lack of communication recently. I've tried everything I can think of, and still... Nothing. : / But really, thank you for you replies!

[Insanity]

Hey grayskies, I'm not planning on closing the distance any time soon (just lurking) but I just wanted to say I know how hard things can get when there is lack of communication. My guy and I went through a real rough patch for about a year where every now and then he would just disappear, not contact me for weeks on end.
My guy shuts down when he's having a hard time, hence the disappearance, could your SO be doing the same?

I get a little emotional about things when I don't hear from my guy and that kind of uncertainty much be difficult. I hope you can figure things out

[LeilaniJoi]

hi grayskies I feel your pain! I have a hard time just bringing things like that up as well. Luckily we talked that part of things out fairly early on and I will be moving there (can't wait!) but, personally I'm not planning on moving 3 states away and moving in with him even though he has a house there. It puts alot of pressure on the relationship and sometimes it works.. then again sometimes it makes things worse. Our plans are for me to move into my own place and to give us some much needed time together before we take that big step of actually moving in together. As much as you can get to know someone online, the day to day stuff you just can't soak in until they are physically there. Personally I'm not expecting any trouble, but I welcome the chance to get myself sorted before we take the next step in the relationship.

Whatever your choice, I do agree that you should speak up! My guy says that to me all the time, that I can talk to him about anything but I still hesitate sometimes.. only to have him pick up on it and drag it out of me and it's always "ok" and we have been able to talk through things that are bothering us both. Good luck and stay optimistic

[xopookie]

I think you should just be blunt and say "Hey I think we should close the distance" 10 out of 10 he'd be open to it because be loves yah if not then he's not cool man not cool but I'm pretty sure he'd be excited and maybe put some of his ideas in there too. Also he probably thought about bringing that subject up to you, but was too embarassed to mention it. So by bringing it up he might be very relieved by this!

[13000km]

If it's possible you could suggest a first meeting. If both of you are comfortable around each other during that time you can gently bring up closing the distance by asking him questions like how/where he sees the relationship developing. All th best. (: