Closing the distance vs Career opportunity

[toggle]

I guess some people have brought up similar posts recently regarding sacrificing closing the distance in order to take up on opportunity that has arisen. This is my situation...

Basically, I have been trying for the first few months to gain an internship in Nebraska to close the distance with my SO. The most I've received back are words of encouragement, or statements such as 'give me a call when you get here', which is of course not very helpful when I need a job offer in order to file for a working visa. I've ended up clutching at straws for jobs that might get me a visa rather than jobs that I want.

So my ideal job would be something in PR. My degree is History and German, which seems to get me nowhere in the states and they only seem to want people with marketing degrees. So I thought I would look at international firms based in London with offices in Nebraska. Whilst looking, I came across a PR firm in London, looking for History students who are fluent in German to fill an internship posititon Spookily perfect job...BUT in London! Typical!! And their only other office is in Amsterdam.

So basically I sent my Resume to the firm, and I have an interview in 2 weeks time. I know that if i get it, it's too good of an opportunity to turn town. The main problem is the guilt because I know I promised my SO that I would move to Nebraska after I graduate. Even though the internship is only 4-6 months and I might not even get the job, I know that if it was the other way around I would be upset with my SO. I have told him about it, and even though he is being supportive, I know that he is probably hoping that I don't get the internship.

So basically what I'm asking is has anyone else been in a similar position where they have had to break promises to their SO? I feel bad that I'm excited about the prospect of this internship when it would mean postponing closing the distance.

[Dziubka]

Join the club.
We were planning to move to a new city together and get our Masters' after I finish my bachelor's degree. I was supposed to finish in September this year, but for a number of reasons, it'll now take me until March next year to actually finish.
Anyway, my prof offered me a job in a project at my university. It's a great opportunity, but I'd have to get my Master's degree here and we wouldn't be able to close the distance for another 3yrs. There's no Master programme for him where I live now (and the cost of living is way too high for him anyway).

He hasn't actually told me not to do it or anything. But I did feel that he was disappointed and honestly, so am I. I was looking forward to finally living with him soo much.
I haven't made the final decision yet, though because at this point I really have no idea what I want to do

[mllebamako]

This is always the frustration: career vs. love. First of all, your SO will be understanding and support you in whatever decision you make because he wants the best for you. So don't feel guilty. This is a hard economic time for everyone and it's hard when you are starting out a career anyway. Plans don't always work out and you have to roll with the punches. I'm sure he understands that.

In some ways, being an international couple and dealing with immigration will probably make this decision easier for you. You would need a job lined up to apply for a working visa so unless that happens...you probably don't have much of a choice but to take the internship in London.

[Silviar]

This is always the frustration: career vs. love. First of all, your SO will be understanding and support you in whatever decision you make because he wants the best for you. So don't feel guilty. This is a hard economic time for everyone and it's hard when you are starting out a career anyway. Plans don't always work out and you have to roll with the punches. I'm sure he understands that.

In some ways, being an international couple and dealing with immigration will probably make this decision easier for you. You would need a job lined up to apply for a working visa so unless that happens...you probably don't have much of a choice but to take the internship in London.

Completely agreed with this. Especially given what you've said about jobs and the unlikelihood of getting one there if things are this bad, then I think the internship is a much better go - and at 4-6 months, it's not an extremely long time. And you can't force a job to appear. Sometimes we just have to change plans to make things work.

[toggle]

Thanks guys, I agree with what you've said. I know that if I'm offered the job i would be stupid to turn it down. I guess I will just have to see what happens at the Interview and then deal with whatever the result is.... I just hope he doesn't think that I haven't tried my absolute hardest to get a good internship where he is. I think he is still optimistic that I might find something there, but for me it's looking increasingly unlikely

[BabyGund]

You never know - the internship may lead you exactly where you want to be! It may open doors you just don't see right now.

I don't know - I'm a huge believer in career over love. If I am doing a job I love, I'll be paid well for it. If I am paid well, it will not hinder me financially to see The Boy. But then again, I freely admit that we like the distance, if it means we pursue our careers. I'd much rather have him LD than not at all.

[peachesNmoxie]

I'm struggling with this exact issue right now.

Background: We've been dating 7 months. Got really serious back in November. I'm trying to pursue production coordinating in the film/tv production business and Milwaukee isn't exactly the next Hollywood. He works for a non-profit as a counselor/advisor there. I'm looking for an opportunity to move up there, but the closest ones appear to be in Chicago. Honestly, it would take a God-given miracle for me to actually get a job in my industry in that town. On top of that, a few of my colleagues are admonishing me to move out LA otherwise "it's a waste of your career." Of course, there are other places to make commercials, but the whole point of a move would be to move closer to him.

He's pretty much set in his career and has more prospects in a particular ring of people, whereas I'm a freelancer, so in some ways it makes more sense to move there.

Questions I've got:
1. Should I broach the conversation of "closing the distance? Is it just too soon? We both feel restless and it's already really hard to say good-bye at the end of visits. Is it normal for such a conversation to sort of move on unresolved and then be brought up again over a few weeks/months before a conclusion is reached? Should I wait for him to bring it up? (We're definitely a more "traditional" couple in terms of roles during the dating process, etc.)

2. Should I wait until we're engaged to even do this? That idea makes me nervous at first blush... I feel like I should move there prior to engagement... but then there's the whole "what if this doesn't work out" issue (being stuck in a strange city without the best prospects). I haven't been able to find an viewpoints that completely alleviate my fears on that matter. I also don't want him to feel any pressure to "make it work" if I move out there.

3. What sort of back-up plan should i have to go with #2?

I'd appreciate input. Maybe this isn't something to be concerned about, but I'm at a point of transition in my career. All your posts are very encouraging in general; I appreciate it!

[NikkiP]

With the way the economy is, 95% of the time you are going to hear "call me when you get here". The only way to get around that is to have experience. Which would require you to go to London. If your SO loves you, they will understand.

Short, sweet, and to the point but oh so crucial. Good luck.

[xopookie]

I agree, I've been in that club too. I mean I would love to close the distance with my honey but right now I need a position that will provide me with a decent income. Sometimes, it's best to support yourself and put everything on hold than just move with your man and try to close the distance.