advice needed!

[patty]

hello,
i'm new here, and need some advice!

just wondering, how soon in your LDR did you begin discussing closing the distance and your future together? i've been in a LDR for about 6 months, with only about 3 visits altogether between the two of us. more visits are planned for the summer, though, so we're excited about that!

so yeah, he's coming up in the summertime-when do i bring up our future as a long-term couple, relocating and all that jazz? do i wait it out a bit more, maybe after the next couple of visits to see how the relationship goes? like i said, we've been at this for about 6 months, but people are already asking who's moving to be with whom, and if we're getting married. gee, no pressure or anything! (sarcasm) kind of annoying, but now i feel like i should at least have some kind of plan (i.e. knowing how long it'll be before we close the distance). when we began our relationship, we said we'd take things slowly, and that's what we've been doing.

help! thanks

[Jonesonaboat]

I think for sure you should have some long term visits together, I'm not sure how long your vists have been, but I always see a week or two week visit as more of a holiday together. Where as a couple of months together will give you a great idea of what living together perminently will be like, and if you both work well together.

My man and I met for the first time in November, it was going to be for two weeks but a week before I left we decided that if all went well I just wouldn't go back and we'd start the immigration process going from there. It went amazing but after 4/5 months I had to fly back to the UK due to reasons out of our control. But anyway, we said that if it didn't go well, then I could always just fly back home. We were just lucky that he earned enough to be able to support me out there, otherwise that wouldn't have really been possible.

I recommend some long term visits together, though =)

[patty]

so far the visits have been fairly short, about 4 days each time. we also had to cancel two visits because of poor weather. good news is he's coming up twice this summer, the second visit will be for about a week, so looking forward to that of course. i guess the more we are around each other, the more natural it will be to discuss the future. just have to be patient, right?

hope all goes well with you and your beau!

[KiwiLove]

We are in a long distance relationship since over a year now and due to work and family issues we couldnt visit each other at all. If everything is working we are getting reunited at the end of this month. Im allowed to stay for 9 months with my visa and if everything is still good and as we expected it to be then I re new my visa or we will apply for the partner visa.
I know its a huge step especially when we didnt visit each other and havent seen us in over a year. But thats why I didnt close and ended everything here and "only" go for a student visa so we can see how it works.

I dont think you have to focuse on the time too much. Of course its important, but if you are ready, have thought about every little crap what could happen then you shouldnt wait to discuss about future and closing the distance.

Honestly, I couldnt wait a lot longer than how long I have waited now. And since things are really not easy with my family Im thrilled to go. NOthing is holding me back now!

[nic&matt]

I don't think there's anything wrong with planning. Personally it's hard for me to do, only because I have fears of the future, but I don't think it's bad in any way. Asking what will happen is a good thing and needs to be discussed. It's like the "light at the end of the tunnel". It's hard to keep going without a motive. I'm sure he'll understand.
As for timing, whenever it feels right. Every couple is different. Some do it after a year or two, some do it before they even go long distance. It's all up to you and when you feel comfortable asking. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything!

[His_Critter]

we are LDR but only 2 hours drive time.
we get a lot of face time
we started as FWB/NSA but after my husband moved out in the beginning of March (we have been together since early december) we started talking about him moving down here eventually. so about 3 months.... but we have every other weekend face time.

[patty]

i appreciate everyone's advice, thanks everything in its right time and place.

[Tabitha]

We were together for probably 4 or 5 months when we started discussing the future and plans to move in together and close the distance.

I don't think it's too early for you to start thinking about where you want the relationship to go, and how quickly you'd like it to progress, as long as you're both comfortable with talking about it.

[Joyce:)]

i was just plain clear with my SO ever since i told him he was the one. there is no point in being in a long distance relationship if you're not planning to spend your life with that person, there is just no reason to be together and face all the problems that distance implies. so i told him my expectations, and he agreed

[patty]

how would i bring this conversation up? something like, "how do you think things are going with us?" kinda thing?

yeah, there is no point in being in a LDR if you don't plan on actually being together at some point. however, all relationships take time (local and afar) so i don't wanna rush it. that being said i also don't think i could spend years hopping on planes just to see him!