Closing the distance (AGAIN) sooner than expected!

[Jonesonaboat]

Some of you might have already read about my situation. My man and I thought we'd closed the distance for good but for reasons out of our control I had to fly back to the UK, and we didn't know when we would be together again. It looked like sometime around August but it's completley out of our control. Could be a lot longer, not much chance of it being shorter. We just had to basicly wait for something out of our control to happen.

So my man was at work yesterday and we were pingchatting on your phones and he said he'd been thinking of a situation that would allow us to be together a lot sooner! And that he would explain it to me next time we Skype, which would mean I would have to wait 2-3 days to hear it! I was like, no way! Tell me now!

So anyway he told me and it's really an amazing idea. In a couple of years he was planning on retiring and getting a job at this place where he can earn a LOT of money in a very short space of time. We were planning on doing this for a couple of years to save money to allow us to sail the world. Well basicly his plan is to quit working now, and work up there. Usually you stay in camps but he said we will rent an apartment up there until things are 'done' back on the boat so I can move back there.

So I should explain the whole story. He's still married but had been seperated for a while before we met. He stayed at the home (boat) while she moved out. When she found out he was seeing someone else she went a bit insane and kicked me out, and has moved back in. Which is the reason why I had to come back to the UK.

Well, she's very, very ill and has some disease that she is duying from. It's to do with her liver and it's terminal. She wont make it to the end of the year. Which, is basicly the thing that is out of our control. They were getting a divorce and she was going to try and get every penny out of him that she could, and they were selling the boat because he couldn't buy her out.

So we decided to the best thing for him to do it so call off the divorce so that they don't sell the boat and we're not thousands of pounds in debt. They're not really together they've just gone back to how they were before she left, sleep in seperate beds, don't eat meals together, barely speak etc. Just basicly living in the same place. And once she (I feel terrible for even saying this) dies, he keeps the boat and I can move back in.

So anyway because this is really tough and when she's living on the boat perminently, and stops working because of her illness mine and his communication will be barely nothing. There will be no skyping because she'll always be there. So his idea will allow us to live together. It's one of those fly in/out jobs so he will stay with me for two weeks then go back to the boat for a few days to 'keep up appearances'. Until like I said, we can move back onto the boat together.

So, it's really tough situation and it probably makes us sound like horrible people, right?

But anyway, now it looks like we could be together in 2-3 months maybe even sooner, instead of like a minimum of 6 months.

Just wanted to share all of this with all of you really! Sorry it's so long!

[Zephii]

While I want to be happy for you, there are red flags all over this. Really big red flags. I personally would not be ok with a situation like this (And yes, I've been in similar, that's how I know lol) nor would I be ok with maintaining a relationship with a man who could be that dishonest, or that shallow. If he'll lie and pretend that way to the woman he once loved, why wouldn't he do that to you in a few years down the road? And all for money/possessions no less.
I can't see this as a good thing.
I hope everything works out for the best for you though. Thanks for sharing your story.

[Moon]

While I want to be happy for you, there are red flags all over this. Really big red flags. I personally would not be ok with a situation like this (And yes, I've been in similar, that's how I know lol) nor would I be ok with maintaining a relationship with a man who could be that dishonest, or that shallow. If he'll lie and pretend that way to the woman he once loved, why wouldn't he do that to you in a few years down the road? And all for money/possessions no less.
I can't see this as a good thing.
I hope everything works out for the best for you though. Thanks for sharing your story.

^^Agreed^^

Something just doesn't seem right here, I'd be very, very careful if I were you. Do you have any absolute proof of everything he's told you? I really do wish you the best, and hope this turns out OK, but doing some real investigating wouldn't hurt in this situation. Your first concern should be protecting yourself.

[Jonesonaboat]

Thanks for your concern guys, I'll explain this the best I can.

Well I know for sure about her illnesses and everything else. I've seen all the legal papers of her wanting to take him to court and the ammount of money we'd end up being in debt and all that stuff.

See, we've got quite a big age gap and one of his biggest concerns is that he'll end up leaving me with his debt and as our housing situation will have to start from scratch, also leaving me with a big mortgage and stuff. You know, he'd be happy to let go of the home and possesions so we can be together, but it's a much bigger deal financially than just that. He was happy to move over here with me and work and pay her off while working in this country. But everything we try and set up she takes control over and puts him back in a corner.

I've got no doubts or issues of trust with him when she's around. He really, really doesn't want to be back with her and if he did he's had more than enough chance to do so. He feels really bad about the situation and illness that she's in, and at first he was open about wanting to be there for her through the illness which I can understand and accept but that's as far as it goes, but after the way she's been the last 6 months he now wants to keep his distance from her as much as he possibly can. He's done nothing but try to please her and give in to her every demand, usually about her wanting more and more money.

So, this new idea of him working away allows us to be together and for me to feel more comfortable not having to deal with the fact that my man has to live with his ex.

It sounds like an aweful situation I know, we're just trying to make it work for us.

[Moon]

Hmmm...I know this is a sensitive subject to many people but...you're only 20, you probably haven't gained a ton of life wisdom yet, which isn't a bad thing. And, as I can see in your pics (I was suspicious, so I looked) he is much older, so he's been around the block a few times. While I noticed you've used the word "We" an awful lot, which while great in a relationship, you might want to step back from a little and concentrate on the word "Me" a bit. I'm not saying there's absolutely something wrong, not at all, I just want you to be aware how easily it could be for him to fool you, if he wanted to, that's all. Not saying he is, or anything, just be aware of the possibility. Your story is unusual, and throws up red flags, I'm kinda old myself (at least around this place :P ) so I just want to make sure you're properly looking out for yourself. You're gonna think I'm nuts, which is OK with me, but have you considered getting a background check on him, just to be on the safe side? You can get them right on the internet and they aren't very expensive.

Sorry to sound so negative, its just an odd story and occasionally older men like young women because of their naivety. You really haven't been together that long, and I would hate to see you get hurt. Good luck, I'm probably wrong, but it can't hurt to check.

[Jonesonaboat]

Thanks for all the advice

Actually my parents got one done on him when they found out about him, hah. They're all cool with it now and can't wait to meet him. He's a paramedic too, so if he had any kind of dodgy record he wouldn't be able to do the job that he does =)

And yes it's a VERY strange situation.
And yeah there's a lot of times when he could have fooled or taken advantage of me, but he hasn't. He's only ever done what's in my best interest and what's best for us. These decisions we've made (lol I'm using we again) he's talked things through with my first every time and if I haven't approved of anything we haven't gone along with it. He's proven to me enough times over certain things that all he's trying to achieve is for us to be together, but for us to also have a stable future together where we don't have to scrape by and spend our time together working off all our debt.

[Moon]

OK, good Your parents are smart! Hopefully you guys will figure out a decent solution then, and get back to your lives before too long. It must be kinda cool to live on a boat.

[Jonesonaboat]

Thanks for all the advice it's really great to hear advice from someone outside ya know, and I love that you've been so open and honest!

And yes when I told my parents about him they had they're concerns which I could totally understand so I gave them as much information as I could for them to feel as comfortable as possible about the situation. We're a close family so it mattered to me that they all approved and felt comfortable.

Living on a boat is awesome yes ! Especially at night it just rocks you to sleep!

He's applied to a ton of jobs and each opening are looking for 10+ people, some even want 50 people or more. So it's more a when not if situation. We're hoping this will only take roughly two months and we can be back together. Then we can start getting our lives together back on track =)

Really is nice to talk to an outsider about this though!