Closing the Distance- Temporarily?

[alohamalu]

Hey all,

My boyfriend came back from Colorado to spend the summer with me in NY. His job is seasonal, as a ski and snowboard instructor, so I wanted him to stay in NY (where he is from) and be with me. He moved into my apartment with me. But so far, it hasn't been the easiest. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's great being back together- most of the time, we are really loving. But we get into arguments a lot easier. At first I think it was the stress of me finishing up school- I just recently graduated. And things have gotten better since I finished. But we still argue about little stupid things sometimes. And the worst is any time the future comes up, we argue pretty badly then. I know I want to be with him, and I know he wants to be with me (he got me a promise ring for our anniversary!) but the future is uncertain, and I think both of us need to compromise. I told him that I would move to CO for now, but that I don't want to do it permanently. I love my family, and want to live closer to them than 2000 miles away. Any ideas on how we can ease ourselves into being back together, and living together at the same time? And on how we can not argue so much about the future?

[rsvpnj]

I honestly have no feedback on this... in a little less than 2 weeks, my BF and I will be temporarily closing the distance... I am anticipating some disagreement as we adjust to living together and being around each other 24/7.

Good luck!

[Riyko]

All i can say is compromise about the location, if not in CO or NY then somewhere in between the two. If that won't happen then you'll really have to reconsider if this is what you really want.

[Alexandria Lora]

Hey all,

My boyfriend came back from Colorado to spend the summer with me in NY. His job is seasonal, as a ski and snowboard instructor, so I wanted him to stay in NY (where he is from) and be with me. He moved into my apartment with me. But so far, it hasn't been the easiest. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's great being back together- most of the time, we are really loving. But we get into arguments a lot easier. At first I think it was the stress of me finishing up school- I just recently graduated. And things have gotten better since I finished. But we still argue about little stupid things sometimes. And the worst is any time the future comes up, we argue pretty badly then. I know I want to be with him, and I know he wants to be with me (he got me a promise ring for our anniversary!) but the future is uncertain, and I think both of us need to compromise. I told him that I would move to CO for now, but that I don't want to do it permanently. I love my family, and want to live closer to them than 2000 miles away. Any ideas on how we can ease ourselves into being back together, and living together at the same time? And on how we can not argue so much about the future?

alohamalu,
So sorry to hear about the struggles you are both going through. Please know that this is normal! Arguments tend to rise when discussing options because it places us at an uncomfortable position: the unknown. Change is always hard even when it is with someone you love and we all tend to fight it in some way. I find that I have to give my SO space when we start arguing alot, especially about something we BOTH want. It is only the stress speaking in us and not our true desire and that is to be together. Just giving a break in the discussions sometimes helps clear the air.

Regarding the moving situation, I think everyone that's replied has said it best: compromise. I just found this awesome blog on LDR's and it has just about all you can find on LDR from another fellow LDR'er. She however, has closed the distance with her SO and even talks about that as well. Anyway, She lived it and is smart and very resourceful. She has a section on "Mutual Relocation". Have a look at it and maybe it will provide some comfort a well as answers. Hope this helps and wish you both the best!!

https://ldr-insight.org/2010/04/mutual-relocation/

[alohamalu]

thanks guys…things have been getting a little better. More ups and than downs right now, anyway!

[alohamalu]

by the way, @Alexandria- your feedback was actually really helpful. We hit another rough patch a few weeks back, and I was really scared there for a few days, but we have been moving past it, and I think we are better and stronger than ever!
But I read that Mutual Relocation article and everything, and did a lot of thinking about it all.
We've been working on compromising, and i think that really is a big key to all relationships!!