Reality is tough sometimes..

[Beeks3]

Hey all - it's definitely been awhile. I'm finally back up at school and loving every second of it.
The boyfriend and I have officially closed the distance and are living a mere five minute walk from each other in town. We've been having a LOT of ups and downs since the distance left the picture. Most memorably we almost broke up once because of his excessive partying/drinking habits.
Now that we're getting down to the nitty gritty of classes and homework, we've started to become distant and we both recognized this.
We had a long talk last night and he came to the conclusion that he needs to figure things out and focus on school for awhile, which I am totally supportive of. It took me the past two and a half years to figure out a major program and get back on my feet. I went through the same thing while we were broken up over a year ago.. He keeps saying he's afraid to lose me but I think he needs a break to zero in on his life.

It's hard to acknowledge that we've been drifting apart. Between his homework/major program and my family health issues (two relatives in hospital with cancer) the relationship is suffering in terms of time spent and emotional connection.

I just wonder if anyone else has gone a similarly difficult, but mostly unavoidable, situation since closing the distance? Reality is hard to deal with sometimes, but one good thing that has come from this is that we are becoming better friends to each other as opposed to just being lovers. There is support and advice given with care and love in mind, and it's nice to know that we can be together in both roles.

Any thoughts? I'm upset about what is happening.. but I'm also just trying to stay on track and in control of my situation.

Thanks. Hope everyone is doing well

[Haley53]

I don't have time to respond at the moment, but I'm in a similar situation. My partner and I are still long distance, but he recently ended the relationship (I use the term "ended" loosely) due to his mother passing away and a lot more happening after that and needing to get his life situated and back on track; understandably, he's not at a point right now where he can maintain a relationship. If you don't mind listening to what I have to say, even though we're not close distance, I would be more than happy to share my feelings and opinions on the matter.

[Beeks3]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I hope that he can sort things out and that the relationship takes the direction it needs to.

I would appreciate any kind of response right now. I'm looking for different viewpoints on the situation since I've never been in this kind of thing before..

[Haley53]

I completely forgot about this. x.x I am SO sorry. I should have time to respond tomorrow, I don't at the moment, my life has been insane, but I will try and come back soon. I'm so, so sorry for forgetting. I hope you've been hanging in there.

[rubydissolution]

Um...well my SO moved here for 3 months. Then abruptly left, though he assured me that he didn't leave bc if me it was bc he couldn't find work n was unhappy with his living arrangements. Since then he's gotten uber distant. We've taken a week off bc i can't seem to get my emotions under control (needing constant reassurance n him not giving it the main reason for that) and i felt like i needed to become less dependent on him. I also kinda wanted to give him time to reflect on whats going on. I don't think time off is a bad thing, it gives u time to miss each other. Maybe that's what you need as well. Time to reflect on what you mean to each other and if you really wanna work things out. Hopefully after the break you will find your way back to each other. Good Luck.

[weetzie]

It's different going from LD to CD. I mean, I'm CD now with my SO but I kind of like that he goes away every once in a while, because I've become so used to him being far away. I'm used to the things that come along with LD. I guess just take your time away from each other and see if that helps things a bit. Good luck,

[Haley53]

My best advice is that you have to hang in there. With my partner's situation, he cannot commit to being a boyfriend. He needs time to re-evaluate who he is and where he's at, and as much as that pains me, because it's change, and because there's no guarantee that we're going to change together (in the same ways), it's something he needs to do and I need to respect it. The best I can do is be there for him through it, be his support, be whatever he needs and do what he needs to do, and still focus on living my life and on building up my supports and on giving him the space that he needs. I can't say our relationship has changed much, simply that it's labelless, but there's also the fact that we are currently "broken up." Whether it's a break or permanent, I'm not sure, and I can't get a clear answer because with everything that's going on, it's taxing to think just to tomorrow, so I've learned to live and deal with the uncertainty.

I've utilised my campus's psychological services even further, so that I have my professional supports in place. I have my family that I go out and do things with, because I have their support. If you have friends, they could serve the same purpose. I'm working on remaining concentrated and focused on my studies. I'm trying to find new things that I enjoy through art, writing, etc. I'm busying myself around LFAD, and I'm making time for me, too, (or trying to) through bubble baths, meditation, and so on. All you can really do is work on being there for him but also on being there for yourself. It's important to acknowledge your feelings and do what you need to do to handle them while he's sorting things out.

Sometimes you have to let things go, but if they were always meant to be yours, they'll come back to you.

[lucybelle]

I feel like sometimes people just grow apart. Not just for outside reasons, but you find out you're different than you imagined and move on. Since you're both in school I wonder if you're still in your early twenties? I grew apart from some of my best friends during this time (still am). And I still like them and I don't see anything wrong with them. But we just don't have anything in common any more. Our lives got different at the same time and we have to focus on that. Maybe that's happening with you two?

[Kerry]

I'm sorry for everyone who is going thru a hard time in their relationship right now. **hugs**

[Beeks3]

I appreciate all of your thoughts.

It's been an extremely long month for the both of us. And in addition to everything within the relationship and concerning stress, my grandfather passed away earlier this week on Tuesday night.
My 22nd birthday followed soon after (Lucybelle, he's 20 I'm 22) on Thursday and my boyfriend threw me a big birthday party to get my mind off of things. He spent the whole day cleaning and getting a meal together for dinner.. he unfortunately couldn't come home with me for the wake/funeral, but he's doing his best to be here for me via technology until he's home this week.. We're doing a bit better now. He definitely has a difficult time with school stresses and was doing noticeably better after his tests were done.

We've been giving each other the space we need and focusing on school. I think things will work out alright. I've been making lots of new friends and spending time with people other than him, which is better for the both of us and our relationship. When we do get to spend time together, we make the most of it and have a really nice time. it's been a hard month with lots of ups and downs, but we are communicating more and that was a big roadblock for us.

Again, I really appreciate the input and opinions on here. LFAD has been a part of my end of the relationship for some time now and it has helped me gain perspective and support in many different issues that arise.

Thanks to everyone