Life plan?

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

I sort of always thought I'd be married by now....also thought I'd have graduated by now lol [[eh, just one more semester]]...and thought I'd be starting on a kid by now. But I'd say it all worked out for the better!

So now the plans are that I will student teach and graduate in the Fall. I'll probably just substitute until summer 2011. 1) not a whole lot of teachers will quit in the middle of the school year 2) there are a lot of cuts around here and not much hiring. With a degree I should get about $60 a day and I plan on keeping my part-time/weekend job. So I'm anticipating roughly $1600 a month if I sub every day and work my normal weekend hours. [[so i'm thinking plenty enough money to hold off just one semester on starting a job/permanent position and start saving up for when the SO is back home]]

Then the SO comes home Feb-March 2011. My parents have land for me here, his parents have land for him there. It's only 2 hours away, so I'm planning on moving with him. There is about a $6000 difference btw teaching there and here where I'm. I know it's not about the money....but when I'm doing the same thing, and even have the same rural area small school....it matters! Then it really matters just what he decides to do (school wise and all) but get married within the next year or two and then hopefully a family real soon because I'll already be 24 this November and always imagined I'd be pretty settled and starting a family by 25-26. ahahaah

I usually tell him, "Just so you know you're coming home and proposing to me within the first few months, so you better start saving for a ring. Then we'll be married within the next couple of yours and have two kids. A boy and a girl, Jude and Lucy. Jude can do your hunting and bmx stuff, but Lucy is going to be into dance and theater." At which point he always tells me, "oh ok...so I have no say, and if we have a little girl she'll be into bmx too. But it doesn't matter bc once I come home I still have 5 years until I propose." I told him, "No, I'm giving you a year and our girl doing BMX is just fine, but one of our kids be it our boy or girl is doing dance and theater!" We joke about it! But we've also had real conversations about what we want/expect.

[Naori]

wow zephii... we kind of have similar story except for the school part.

I don't have a job still and its been a year.
I've also been taking care of my dying mom thats why.
But I was lucky enough to have finish school around the time my mom got ill.
I did make some bad choices like after highschool I didn't go straight in uni.. But I eventually did and I study all three semester to catch up to everyone.
I have 10,000 in loan. After my mom died though the family is quite broken and messed up though.

hmm.. I wasn't aware of the complications of immigration. But if you get married now with you bf. As an australian I don't see the difficulties as say if you lived in China.
You probably be able to apply for work/study permit from then on you can do school and work. And I believe students can apply for carecard MSP (which is in British Columbia) and with that you are good to go with the kid thing. I believe if you lived in Canada for a year as a married couple with a work/study permit I am sure that the procedure will be in your favour for a PR. After that wait two mroe years and you are finished with school apply for citizenship.

I think I make it sound easy sorry. But trying to offer you solution.

[Zephii]

Thanks I'm not really looking for a solution, more of a sharing of experiences, but I appreciate it none the less.

[Dazzles]

I'm 26 NOW, and don't want to have children for several years. Older parents are more patient. Don't try to rush it, honestly. Finish school. Also, you can do college online for the first 3 years and do your final year on campus for your student teaching. They do education degrees online as well.

Kids make complicated situations dire. Don't even think about starting until you can afford it, and until you're 100% happy. Unhappy parents are the worst.

[Swederica]

I'm also a big planner. I've known my girlfriend for soon a year.
But i have already decided to apply for a college close to her, we have a 9 hr time difference.
And well it's superhard all this. But i know she's worth it in the end.

But anyway if everything goes right i'll be moving to US in august, effectively ending our LDR.
But it feels like an eternity until then :/

[kissoflife61]

The BF and I did a worksheet on this last night, and I have to say that we agreed on most things for our future. We will end the long distance in less than three years, probably ending up living in the city where I go to college. We will get married once we live in the same city... We want 2 to 4 children, and we agree on most aspects of our family life.

The big conflict is that neither of us have ever had a job. I am 18, so it is slightly understandable. He is 25... He waited to go to college. I'm just afraid that we won't have enough money to live on. Does anyone have advice about this?

[Bluestars]

The big conflict is that neither of us have ever had a job. I am 18, so it is slightly understandable. He is 25... He waited to go to college. I'm just afraid that we won't have enough money to live on. Does anyone have advice about this?

Did your boyfriend graduate college yet? Because if he has, then he should have a degree, which means he could just start looking for one in his field of study. Internships would also be a good idea to look into. Also, he could always find a job at a restaurant or something that doesn't pay as much to gain a little experience. If you are planning on moving in together in three years, he should definitely be able to find a job by then.

[kissoflife61]

He hasn't graduated yet... In fact, he has about five more years. He's studying to be a Christian counselor, and he needs to get a master's degree.
Though, when we were talking, it was kind of implied that one of us would be working before we get married. I really think that he'll try to get a job and work while he's still in college... Whatever that job may be.
Thanks for the advice; it is very much appreciated.

[Zephii]

I'm sure he must have had some kind of trauma that would have stopped him working before this point in time, and I'm sorry for that.
The longer you wait to get your first job, the harder it will be to actually get one. If people see someone of that age group with nothing on their CV, they are going to think all kinds of horrible things. If nothing else, he can use volunteer work to fill in some of the blank spaces though.
Moving to be together and making a life together just doesn't happen without the money to get started and then sustain what you achieve.
Perhaps discussing realistic financial plans would be the place to start. I know a lot of couples struggle to discuss finances, and even more struggle to agree, but if you're in it for the long haul you need to work together with the resources you have.
There are jobs out there where you only need to work one or two days a week, that still look good on a resume because you don't have to say how many days a week you were working. Seeming you will both be in unskilled labour that wont pay very much, you should both be out there getting your feet wet about now. That's the best advice I have
Obvioulsy if you're not working now you have someone supporting you. Take that opportunity to save every penny you make for your future - and don't take excuses from him if he says he can not do the same

[kissoflife61]

I don't really think anything has kept him from working. He still lives with his parents, and they support him. I can't say anything bad about that because I'm in the same situation.
I have worked as a volunteer for the Red Cross before, which might prove helpful in getting a job. I haven't gotten one yet because of numerous health issues, most notably migraines and fibromyalgia. I really do hope I can get one soon, though, because I am required to have a resume to get into nursing school. :/
I definitely will take your advice and discuss it with him some more. I'll also do as you said and start saving. May I just say that you give some good advice, Zephii!

[Zephii]

Thanks
I simply can't imagine living at home til that late in life, and I've already told Obi that our children will be <nicely> handed enough money for their first damage deposit/rent and thrown out on their 18th birthdays lol.
He lived at home til after 23, apparently that's pretty normal over here, but I still hack on him.
fibromyalgia is pretty serious stuff (from my limited understanding) so there might be government initatives that will help you find work.
Nurses are full of awsome! Good luck with that.

[Bluestars]

I did not get my first job until I was 19, so you shouldn't feel too bad about it My mom wouldn't let me work in high school because she wanted me to make good grades, and it payed off.

I do not have to pay a dime for college due to scholarships and grants, and I even get a good bit of money back each semester that is more than enough to live on. Because I get extremely stressed, I have chosen not to work during the semester so that I can focus on my courses and maintain a high GPA. However, last summer I started looking for a summer job because I needed money. Let me tell you, it was hard having no work experience at age 19, but it made my situation a little worse because I could only work for around three months. However, it was possible, and I found a job I started looking for a summer job again this summer, and it was SO MUCH easier having a job to put on my resume. I found a job after a few days of looking

Would your boyfriend be able to get a summer job? If he is taking a full load of summer school, it might be a tad understandable, but if not..... i do not think you will be out of place for bringing it up since there is a LARGE age difference between an 18 year old and a 25 year old, and both have different expectations (so I do not think you can say you are in the same situation).

But yeah, Zephii is definitely right! Planning is extremely important when planning to be together, and you both need to be realistic in finances and whatnot. Completely supporting yourself is on a whole different level from having a job while being supported with your parents. (At the moment, I wouldn't be able to do it!)

On the plus side, three years is plenty of time to find a job, develop a good resume, and start saving up money