I've been in an online relationship for almost a year now, and I don't even know where to begin or why I'm writing this. Every so often I find myself on this website, reading different posts and topics, and I realize I'm not alone in how I feel and what I'm going through, but I still feel lost. The one thing I know for sure is that I am so in love with my boyfriend, I would do anything for him.
Some background I guess!
We met through our common interest of video games on playstation, in a group with some mutual friends on the network and eventually started talking and playing together ALL the time. He lives in New Jersey, and I in Michigan. Somewhere alone the way we exchanged phone numbers and added each other on facebook and skype. At this point we are talking almost all day everyday, and I realize I have feelings for this guy I've never even met! I had just graduated high school, and he was still in high school, but the way we felt about each other made no difference in our age, education level, or distance.
Fast forward a couple months....
And it's September 2012 now, I'm living on my own as a freshman at college, school is going great, I have the world at my fingertips, and the only thing I want is to visit my love. Having never traveled on my own, I decided that now was a good time to bring my parents into the relationship for advice and what I was hoping to be support. Right away I could feel the disappointment. "Where did we go wrong? You're such a pretty girl, can't you find someone at school? You don't have the money to go see him anyways. School should be your main focus" A string of nothing but never ending negativity. We postponed. My main goal being to make as much money as possible. Since he was only 17 and a junior in high school, and I was 18 and in college with limitless freedom, it only made sense for me to visit him. Plus a part of me wanted the adventure of being the one to go to see him all on my own.
A couple more months go by...
Waiting for a time to visit, but need to have time where we both have school breaks or time off. Hurricane Sandy didn't help either. He was off of school for almost a month because of flooding and damages, and lost the rest of his school breaks. Have to wait for summer now. Parents seem to think that at this point we will both give up on each other. Not going to happen.
It's summer now....
At least for me. He only has two more weeks left, but has football camp all summer. The only time he has off is in August, and I swear that I am going to make this trip happen this time. I got myself two jobs since I'm home for summer. Hostess at a restaurant, minimum wage. Babysitter to anyone with brats, slightly more than minimum wage. I am saving every penny I earn and find in the couch cushions. Allowance earned each month, put away in my boyfriend envelope to be added to my trip fund. But I need to tell my parents, who are still not ok with this, that this is what I plan to do. The other day I was playing around online and found a site where you can raise money for anything you put your mind to, so I made a donation page to help with my trip to New Jersey. My mother FLIPPED out on me. "Asking for money is pathetic, why don't you get another job if you're so serious about this 'boyfriend' of yours". Ouch. All of my free time is spent working. And when I'm not working, I'm doing stuff around the house to make extra money. Cutting the grass, cooking, cleaning, you name it I do it. Not to mention my father said that if I really want to visit, he has to come, and I won't be alone with him. As if I have poor judgement, or haven't done my own background check on who I am committed to when we first started talking. I've seen dateline dad, I know the dangers. I also know that there are good people in this world, and they deserve a chance. I deserve a chance to find out for myself.
I don't know where this post is going....I just need someone to talk to. Someone that won't judge me because of a choice in my life I choose to stand by. I didn't expect to fall in love with someone online, but it happened and I am so very thankful that it did. I just wish that I had more open minded, respectful people in my life. The only thing I can compare the guilt and loneliness I feel in this house is that of a story I once read of a man telling his family he was gay. I feel like I've been exiled in a way. My mom won't even look at me, my dad is trying to understand but just can't. My little brother threatened my boyfriend to stay away from me.
Where do I go? What do I do? I need to go visit, but my parents will make damn sure I can't. I'm 18 I should be able to do what I want right? Then how come I feel so trapped. The only constant in my life is my boyfriend and the strong connection we have. Online long distance relationships are not easy, this has been one hell of a roller coaster of emotions for us, but it's only made us stronger. This type of love requires a stronger bond, stronger trust, and stronger love than anyone can ever imagine.
If you've made it this far, thank you. That's all I can do for listening to a lost girl voice what small part of her she has left.
Some background I guess!
We met through our common interest of video games on playstation, in a group with some mutual friends on the network and eventually started talking and playing together ALL the time. He lives in New Jersey, and I in Michigan. Somewhere alone the way we exchanged phone numbers and added each other on facebook and skype. At this point we are talking almost all day everyday, and I realize I have feelings for this guy I've never even met! I had just graduated high school, and he was still in high school, but the way we felt about each other made no difference in our age, education level, or distance.
Fast forward a couple months....
And it's September 2012 now, I'm living on my own as a freshman at college, school is going great, I have the world at my fingertips, and the only thing I want is to visit my love. Having never traveled on my own, I decided that now was a good time to bring my parents into the relationship for advice and what I was hoping to be support. Right away I could feel the disappointment. "Where did we go wrong? You're such a pretty girl, can't you find someone at school? You don't have the money to go see him anyways. School should be your main focus" A string of nothing but never ending negativity. We postponed. My main goal being to make as much money as possible. Since he was only 17 and a junior in high school, and I was 18 and in college with limitless freedom, it only made sense for me to visit him. Plus a part of me wanted the adventure of being the one to go to see him all on my own.
A couple more months go by...
Waiting for a time to visit, but need to have time where we both have school breaks or time off. Hurricane Sandy didn't help either. He was off of school for almost a month because of flooding and damages, and lost the rest of his school breaks. Have to wait for summer now. Parents seem to think that at this point we will both give up on each other. Not going to happen.
It's summer now....
At least for me. He only has two more weeks left, but has football camp all summer. The only time he has off is in August, and I swear that I am going to make this trip happen this time. I got myself two jobs since I'm home for summer. Hostess at a restaurant, minimum wage. Babysitter to anyone with brats, slightly more than minimum wage. I am saving every penny I earn and find in the couch cushions. Allowance earned each month, put away in my boyfriend envelope to be added to my trip fund. But I need to tell my parents, who are still not ok with this, that this is what I plan to do. The other day I was playing around online and found a site where you can raise money for anything you put your mind to, so I made a donation page to help with my trip to New Jersey. My mother FLIPPED out on me. "Asking for money is pathetic, why don't you get another job if you're so serious about this 'boyfriend' of yours". Ouch. All of my free time is spent working. And when I'm not working, I'm doing stuff around the house to make extra money. Cutting the grass, cooking, cleaning, you name it I do it. Not to mention my father said that if I really want to visit, he has to come, and I won't be alone with him. As if I have poor judgement, or haven't done my own background check on who I am committed to when we first started talking. I've seen dateline dad, I know the dangers. I also know that there are good people in this world, and they deserve a chance. I deserve a chance to find out for myself.
I don't know where this post is going....I just need someone to talk to. Someone that won't judge me because of a choice in my life I choose to stand by. I didn't expect to fall in love with someone online, but it happened and I am so very thankful that it did. I just wish that I had more open minded, respectful people in my life. The only thing I can compare the guilt and loneliness I feel in this house is that of a story I once read of a man telling his family he was gay. I feel like I've been exiled in a way. My mom won't even look at me, my dad is trying to understand but just can't. My little brother threatened my boyfriend to stay away from me.
Where do I go? What do I do? I need to go visit, but my parents will make damn sure I can't. I'm 18 I should be able to do what I want right? Then how come I feel so trapped. The only constant in my life is my boyfriend and the strong connection we have. Online long distance relationships are not easy, this has been one hell of a roller coaster of emotions for us, but it's only made us stronger. This type of love requires a stronger bond, stronger trust, and stronger love than anyone can ever imagine.
If you've made it this far, thank you. That's all I can do for listening to a lost girl voice what small part of her she has left.
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