Hello from Malaysia.

[yubashini]

HI,

I recently join the LDR forum and in a LDR relationship with SO who is in the United States. Our relationship is quite recent..it has been only a month. Im a divorcee with a 5 year old daughter (been 3 years since divorce). SO is also divorce - no kids. I'm 33 and he is 38.

Hope to meet and help each other here.

Regards
Yuba.

[alizee]

Welcome to the forum! This forum has helped me a lot during my 3,5 mohths LDR, and without the opinions here, I think I wouldn*t have been able to cope with the distance ... I still have 3 more weeks to wait before we meet. Why does this have to be so hard on me? I know he doesn*t feel the same way, because he has a more active social life than me and that keeps him from missing me (he told me one time that it gets lonley on him sometimes), but I guess I am the one that misses him more. And I am getting very emotional ... and to see the fact that he doesn*t want us to talk daily (because he seems a little child and a person who sometimes wants to just be, and relax on his own ...) it kills me.

[yubashini]

hi Alizee,

Thanks for your reply,...i think i can relate to what you feel..., even though i have a kid, and working which takes up most of my time, when im free i wonder too why my SO has not reply to me msgs or call me...(i wonder sometimes that i'm the one with a kid, and i have time to spare...why don't you rite?) i join the community hoping for some answers and advice on whether i'm being too childish (like a teen). It could be that after 3 years i find some one i could connect with and which is why i seem needy?? i don't know.

[Chlo]

Welcome to the forums, Yuba!

[yubashini]

Thanks Chlo,

I need some advice....when in a LDR, when is a healthy time to talk about sex. Me and SO are not teens anymore...is it natural to have the sex talk after a month?

[alizee]

hi Alizee,

Thanks for your reply,...i think i can relate to what you feel..., even though i have a kid, and working which takes up most of my time, when im free i wonder too why my SO has not reply to me msgs or call me...(i wonder sometimes that i'm the one with a kid, and i have time to spare...why don't you rite?) i join the community hoping for some answers and advice on whether i'm being too childish (like a teen). It could be that after 3 years i find some one i could connect with and which is why i seem needy?? i don't know.

Yes, so this is a forum used for us to vent. Like today I am sure that I won*t be talking to him, because he is at work now, will be until 5 pm, will get home at about 6 pm and then he will go play soccer with his friends until about 8 pm. He will get very tired, take a shower and then watch o soccer match on tv that starts at 9 pm. Then go to sleep. Seeing him like that makes me afraid to call him (because I could call him!), but I don*t want to disturb him and hear him on the phone being distant, cold but polite!
I mean I don*t want to sound so desperate here, but can*t he make time to send me one text (it takes him one minute!!!), but I am trying to be understanding here and not be so selfish ... he needs space and time alone, and I am glad I know most of his work days program and weekend program too, because he told me. I guess this is sincerity from his part, but I can*t help feeling a little left out ...

[yubashini]

hi Alizee,

My SO is 12 hours behind (so when i'm getting ready for bed, he is getting ready for work!). Sometimes i get upset and wonder why he has not text me.....and i ask him and he says busy with work,...but after reading the LDF book on the website...im trying not to be desperate.

[alizee]

Thanks Chlo,

I need some advice....when in a LDR, when is a healthy time to talk about sex. Me and SO are not teens anymore...is it natural to have the sex talk after a month?

I am in a 3,5 months relationship and we never talked about it. In a relationship I need to feel confident and to create a bond with a man, and then talk about sex. I am a little shy when it comes to this think, but I am glad he feels the same way and never lead the discussion to sex. He is being respectful and polite to me and I appreciate him for that.
He invited me to come to visit him (2 times already) and I told him it was too early to visit him and that I wasn*t emotionally prepared. He told me he understood and that quote - don*t worry for that thing if you do come, because I am not that kind (as to force me). He never insisted with me visiting him, and told me I will come when I will feel ready for it. Now, he is coming in September and we will meet face to face, as we have the same hometown.
But every relationship is different .... if you feel the need to talk to him about sex it*s your call!!! But I think it*s a little too early, let the relationship develop and then see what it brings ...

[yubashini]

hi Alizee,

Thanks for the reply and advice. ...my SO has been busy these 2 days....has not reply my msg. if i send one in the morning, only get reply end of hte day saying his busy with work....so trying to be busy and not send too many msgs to him on why he's not replying...Hopefully, the weekend he will be free.

[alizee]

Yes, I guess LDRs are like that ... especially LDRs between two mature persons (who have obligations, work, bills to pay ...) and they really can*t (or is hard) to talk daily! Everybody is got a life of his own where they are, even though they are in LDRs. That*s why LDRs are so hard ... I mean it*s hard on me not to hear his voice everyday, but I know that he*s got a life over there ...

[yubashini]

Yes, LDR are really hard...and definately test your loyalty and love for the person....i tot LDR would suite me as im busy with work and kid...did not have time to go dating....some or rather i suddenly have time to think a lot on my SO....LDR does teach you to be more understanding and patience for your SO.

[alizee]

Yes, and as time goes by, and you start to become closer to your SO (when I was in my first month of relationship, I didn*t think of him much, because I didn*t want to get my hopes high) you will think of him more and more ... I don*t know if he does think of me all the time ... sometimes I miss him so much that I start to cry... I am so emotional these days, and I never thought I could be like that. I thought I was strong!!!!

[syndyela]

Welcome to the forum yubashini! My SO is also in the US for work in California. Where's your SO's location in US?

And yes, LDR does teach us to be to be more understanding and patience for our SO's.

[Lilly9886]

Welcome to LFAD!

[yubashini]

Syndlea.....mine is in New Hampshire....after 2days of busy working he text yesterday....so I was quite happy.....but today again...no reply.....so I'm trying to keep an open mind....