Quite an Entrance

[ldrxoxo]

Yes, but you can't say age does not matter and then make it matter. It either does or it does not. I have dated guys older, younger and my age. Guys are guys. Women are women. You just have to meet the right person.

It takes as long as it takes and I know you think you are getting to a point where you feel like you need to soon because pushing 30 can be scary, but trust me you are still quite young. You won't ever have this time again. Enjoy it. Join other online sites and make other friends. Do some online dating and just have fun. Nobody can find anyone when they are looking. Just get out the house and flirt and have fun. Don't even look for dates if you don't want. Look for friends. Take a cooking class or Join a pool league. Go out and live life why you are still young. Be friendly with people in the grocery store and your don't be afraid to grab a cab and do a happy alone sometime. Be safe, but get out of the house. You cold meet a sweet old lady that happens to have a great nephew that someday might be your true love or you might not. Just go live. If you don't want to leave the house then join more online communitys that might have single men in it but again, just to be friends at first.

Don't put all your chickens in a basket that might never hatch.

That's the only thing that I like now. Most of my friends have children with families and they always have to find and pay babysitters or leave their last cent to get food for their kids and I do enjoy not having to worry about that and can spend every cent to myself. I just don't want to end up with a wrong person which is why I am mostly alone because I see a friend of mine married the wrong person for her and she can't easily get out of her marriage and I don't want that for me. She's dependent on his money right now, staying with him because of that, while she's looking for a job and I don't want to be stuck in that situation if I am with someone.

My town is small and boring we hardly have anything to do around here except for going to the gym and bars. I used to go to the gym to play basketball with people and tried to make friends playing pick up games, but even then they were also 5 to 7 years younger than me because it's a free college gym. Most of the older guys my age have left around here or are already married with families and all that's left here are also the long distance's age here as well. They would also become long distance when they leave to go back home after college. This is a big college town and we have people from all over the world going to the colleges here.

I hope it does happen out of nowhere soon. I don't know where I will be when I'm 32. My neighbors across the street I think had their first child when she was 32 and I hope by then I'll at least be in a steady relationship.

[ldrxoxo]

As someone who has dated much younger let me tell you what you are potentially in for (not that it couldn't work, this is just my experience). Guys mature much slower then us ladies and you'll begin to notice that the longer you are with him. The youngest I've dated under my age is about 6 years for a year. The reason that relationship ended....I FELT LIKE I WAS HIS MOTHER!! I had to clean up after him, prompt him to clean his room, shower, brush his teeth, do laundry, dishes. I should not have to prompt an adult who is living on his own to do these things. At one point I flat out said, "I will not be coming over until you clean your clusterf*ck of a bedroom." Which actually worked lol. His mother paid me compliments for making him do this crap which was BS.

Second thing, you are 28, you are looking for a committed relationship. He's 19, and probably wants to be 19. Play the field, figure out what works for him. Guys his age are petrified of the word commitment because they aren't mature enough to handle it. He doesn't have that career, doesn't have a permanent residence, so essentially he's not ready for that next step. That doesn't mean if you guys survive his college day and he's in his 20's he won't be ready for it. But think about it, in 4 years you will be 32, if that biological clock isn't ticking yet it will be. AND he might not even be ready for kids at that time. Kids are another scary word for the youngins lol.

I agree with the above posters. Date around and don't settle. My current SO is 29 (two years younger then me) and plays video games and acts like a child constantly. They are out there! I used to settle for the younger guys because I was afraid older guys with more experience would judge me, that wasn't the case. I was afraid of dating sites, because they are full of beautiful people and I'm well not. I met and dated some pretty nice guys on those sites and found my SO on them. So don't be afraid to try to be single and dating. Because after you start, it's the biggest confidence boost you could ever get.

In response to the original question, my current SO and I are CD, but when I was in an LDR we never went more then a day without speaking to each other. GL!

I had bad experiences with dating sites unfortunately as well. Just found men that wanted flings or wanted to get married the next day, that's why I didn't try them again. I hope if I try them this time I will have some luck. I had met someone during a catering event who turned out way too clingy more than I am and he would sometimes show up to my apartment uninvited whenever he pleases. I always call people and talk about hanging out first before showing up out of nowhere.

He'd also continuously call my phone, and text me and I purposely didn't respond to him for more than a month, and I told him in person I wasn't interested and he still stalks me. I'm trying to make sure I don't invite someone like that again to know my place because I don't know if I can handle another way too smothering guy that's close by. I have three people right now who act like that and it's just overwhelming I keep telling them I'm not interested we just didn't click and they won't respect my feelings.

It's either too much or too little. I just have no luck.

[Hollandia]

Might I suggest taking a few weeks and just hanging out with your gal pals and stop thinking about it. Sometimes we just over think these things.

[ldrxoxo]

Might I suggest taking a few weeks and just hanging out with your gal pals and stop thinking about it. Sometimes we just over think these things.

I hate to say that I don't have much girl friends, either. I mean it when I say my life is full of misery, lol. My two roommates are guys
The girls who used to be friends with me have back stabbed me. I have no luck with finding good girl friends either. I don't know if they are threatened by me as to why they treated me so poorly. I was always there for them, defended them when people bullied them, and they just went and befriended people picking on me never sticking up for me.

I did finally make one good girl friend from work but she's 22 with two kids. We have talked about going to the clubs one weekend and I hope I do. I do think you're right that's what I need. My best friend is a 44-year-old woman with three children and one of her children is my long distance's age which I kinda laugh at because she, her daughter(s) and I all hang out as if we were all close friends. I don't have a car which makes hanging out difficult but hopefully with my two roommates out of town this weekend they'll let me borrow the car if I don't need it and I'll for sure visit my best friend. I've just been cooped up in my apartment for a while that's all I do: work and go back to apartment write or sleep. I live a simple boring life, haha.

[Hollandia]

I hate to say that I don't have much girl friends, either. I mean it when I say my life is full of misery, lol. My two roommates are guys
The girls who used to be friends with me have back stabbed me. I have no luck with finding good girl friends either. I don't know if they are threatened by me as to why they treated me so poorly. I was always there for them, defended them when people bullied them, and they just went and befriended people picking on me never sticking up for me.

I did finally make one good girl friend from work but she's 22 with two kids. We have talked about going to the clubs one weekend and I hope I do. I do think you're right that's what I need. My best friend is a 44-year-old woman with three children and one of her children is my long distance's age which I kinda laugh at because she, her daughter(s) and I all hang out as if we were all close friends. I don't have a car which makes hanging out difficult but hopefully with my two roommates out of town this weekend they'll let me borrow the car if I don't need it and I'll for sure visit my best friend. I've just been cooped up in my apartment for a while that's all I do: work and go back to apartment write or sleep. I live a simple boring life, haha.

I get it it can be hard. Again, I hear ages being thrown around. There are wild single 44 year olds and married 22 year olds with 4 kids so why do you mention age? I have friends of all ages and I don't think of them according to their age at all. I also hear an excuse for every attempt offered to help you. I am glad you are getting out of the house for bit this weekend, most of us live simple boring lives. Don't dwell on that just have fun when you can, that is what we all do. If you are not happy with your life then look into ways you can improve it that do not include a mate. The saying goes, you can't really love someone else until you love yourself. Do you love your life without a mate, or do you need one to complete it? If you don't, then fix your life for you first and then you can be truly happy with a mate.

[differentcountries]

I think that you need friends more than you need a bf. If you consider dating again, go do something that you like, perhaps with a friend. My sister at 31 just recently found a guy through a Christian exersize club, actually they are long distance too, she like dated once before (people generally dont date much here). My friend met her husband through a dancing club, my college did too. More friends will get you more settled, also they can offer you advice. Everybody needs at least a couple of good friends. I hope you can find that.

[ldrxoxo]

I think that you need friends more than you need a bf. If you consider dating again, go do something that you like, perhaps with a friend. My sister at 31 just recently found a guy through a Christian exersize club, actually they are long distance too, she like dated once before (people generally dont date much here). My friend met her husband through a dancing club, my college did too. More friends will get you more settled, also they can offer you advice. Everybody needs at least a couple of good friends. I hope you can find that.

It took me years to find good friends. All my life I've been around people who just used me for my money, bully me, for my car when I had one to give them rides. I just found my good roommates almost three years ago who don't use me for anything and just want to spend time with me as friends. I've never had good roommates in college and don't keep in touch with people from college at all. I wish I had more friends but for some reason or another people who are supposed to be my friends end up treating me poorly later on the more we hang out and I have no idea why when I was always there for them. I only have about five close people I know who are there for me other than that, I don't have much. I know when it happens for me it will be with the right person and I'm hoping that's why it's taken a long time for something to happen to me.

I definitely won't date someone just to be with someone, but hopefully I will end up liking someone and it will work.

[ldrxoxo]

I get it it can be hard. Again, I hear ages being thrown around. There are wild single 44 year olds and married 22 year olds with 4 kids so why do you mention age? I have friends of all ages and I don't think of them according to their age at all. I also hear an excuse for every attempt offered to help you. I am glad you are getting out of the house for bit this weekend, most of us live simple boring lives. Don't dwell on that just have fun when you can, that is what we all do. If you are not happy with your life then look into ways you can improve it that do not include a mate. The saying goes, you can't really love someone else until you love yourself. Do you love your life without a mate, or do you need one to complete it? If you don't, then fix your life for you first and then you can be truly happy with a mate.

I don't need anyone to complete me, but I just need better friends. Even people who are supposed to be my friends treat me worse than a bf ever has. I don't know what's a "friend's" excuse to act the way they do. I always thought friendships were supposed to last longer than a relationship. I wish I had more than five people to count on because when I couldn't find a ride to get to places I always had to walk 2 and a half hours everywhere and that's how many people I can't count on that I resort to walking in this blizzard winter when I can't find a ride. My town just doesn't have that many good people in it. Mostly selfish people live here who only think for themselves are around and for the good friends I do have I can't see them much since I don't have a car and they don't have a car either. It makes hanging out harder.

[Malaga]

• Narcissism
• Paranoia
• Anger issues

Work on these issues and I'm sure you'll find it easier to find a boyfriend and proper friends.

Hope this helps.

[80anthea]

• Narcissism
• Paranoia
• Anger issues

Work on these issues and I'm sure you'll find it easier to find a boyfriend and proper friends.

Hope this helps.

I agree with Malaga.


I hope you take this post the right way, but have you ever looked at anything to do with 'Personality Disorders'? Obviously, I barely know you, I don't know the real you, I only know what you write on here so I could be way off the mark. However, from the posts of yours which I have read there are some very strong indicators of having a very common mental health problem.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/person...efinition.aspx explains it far better than I can.

[nottheprincesspeach]

It took me years to find good friends. All my life I've been around people who just used me for my money, bully me, for my car when I had one to give them rides. I just found my good roommates almost three years ago who don't use me for anything and just want to spend time with me as friends. I've never had good roommates in college and don't keep in touch with people from college at all. I wish I had more friends but for some reason or another people who are supposed to be my friends end up treating me poorly later on the more we hang out and I have no idea why when I was always there for them. I only have about five close people I know who are there for me other than that, I don't have much. I know when it happens for me it will be with the right person and I'm hoping that's why it's taken a long time for something to happen to me.

I definitely won't date someone just to be with someone, but hopefully I will end up liking someone and it will work.

You seem like the kind of person who has a victim mentality. Bad things happen to you always and it's never even a little bit your fault. While bad things happen to people when it isn't there fault, when someone consistently has bad things happening to them and people using them, it probably has something to do with them permitting this behavior or not having appropriate relationship boundaries in any relationship. Being the victim will only ever leave you getting shit on and being the victim.

Also if you have had many relationships fail and you've always blamed them on others you need to reconsider those relationships. Even in a relationship where it ending is not your fault there is ALWAYS something you could have done better. Learning to recognize these things can help you in future relationships.

The way you talk about your life is a large part of the reason it isn't getting any better. My shrink taught me to look for the good things even amongst the bad. When I was in this victim mentality it was during a period of PTSD, but some people end up living this way. I had to learn that many bad things that happened to me I could prevent with effort, and others I had to learn to take in stride. I had to start looking for the good around the bad. Then I had to stop defining days and weeks and months and years as good and bad and start seeing those things as components of good and bad. When I started doing this I realized a lot of good things had happened that I had just overlooked.

Anyway if you did some of the many things people have suggested for you it will be easier to make the kind of friends you want to make and meet the kind of people you want to meet. It's not easy to make or keep good friends, and no friend is perfect. Same thing for any relationship really.

I hope this helps.

[ldrxoxo]

• Narcissism
• Paranoia
• Anger issues

Hope this helps.

No, your list was not helpful seeing as you do not know me. I'm pretty sure I'm not the one with the narcissism issues and when you have people who are supposed to be your "friends" break your trust I'm sure the paranoia is warranted. I'm far from a narcissist and yes you are way off the mark. If you don't have anything constructive to say I suggest you don't talk to me. I know some posters on here come off far more narcissistic than I do. And yes, you do not know anything about my life to "judge" whether or not I'm a narcissist. That's a first that someone has called me that!

If you think someone who has volunteered half her life to causes and charities is a narcissist when she's broke herself, I don't think you know what a narcissist is. And yes, you have insulted me. Feel free to not comment toward me again. I didn't volunteer half my life while I'm broke just so a know-it-all on the Internet could insult me. And yes, you don't know me so you do not have the proper information to judge. I'm not sure from my posts where you got the idea that I'm a narcissist, but okay. Whatever floats your boat.

[nottheprincesspeach]

No, your list was not helpful seeing as you do not know me. I'm pretty sure I'm not the one with the narcissism issues and when you have people who are supposed to be your "friends" break your trust I'm sure the paranoia is warranted. I'm far from a narcissist and yes you are way off the mark. If you don't have anything constructive to say I suggest you don't talk to me. I know some posters on here come off far more narcissistic than I do. And yes, you do not know anything about my life to "judge" whether or not I'm a narcissist. That's a first that someone has called me that!

If you think someone who has volunteered half her life to causes and charities is a narcissist when she's broke herself, I don't think you know what a narcissist is. And yes, you have insulted me. Feel free to not comment toward me again. I didn't volunteer half my life while I'm broke just so a know-it-all on the Internet could insult me. And yes, you don't know me so you do not have the proper information to judge. I'm not sure from my posts where you got the idea that I'm a narcissist, but okay. Whatever floats your boat.

Read this: "Some people diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder are characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance. They have a sense of entitlement and demonstrate grandiosity in their beliefs and behavior. They have a strong need for admiration, but lack feelings of empathy.[4]
Symptoms of this disorder, as defined by the DSM-IV-TR, include:[1]
Expects to be recognized as superior and special, without superior accomplishments
Expects constant attention, admiration and positive reinforcement from others
Envies others and believes others envy him/her
Is preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of great success, enormous attractiveness, power, intelligence
Lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings or desires of others
Is arrogant in attitudes and behavior
Has expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic"

Then re-read your post. It is possible YOU don't know what narcissism is. I wasn't going to say it before that post, but you almost hit the nail on the head. You really need to work on how you talk to people. You attack so many posters that it's just going to lead to a more antagonistic behavior from other posters. I hit heads with people when I first got on here, but I talked it out with them over PM in private instead of doing it like this publicly intentionally.

EDIT: Basically what I am saying is that narcissist doesn't meant that you don't do good things for others, it means you do them for recognition and get upset when you don't get that recognition you feel you deserve. Narcissists often do a lot of things to try to get recognition and power they feel they deserve.

EDIT 2: It is also possible that every time you have said that you've never heard negative things like you've seen here has been said about you, but you blocked it out and brushed it off, but can't ignore these things over text eliciting your emotional attacking responses. Also I am not a psychologist so I am not saying any of this definitively.

[ldrxoxo]

You seem like the kind of person who has a victim mentality. Bad things happen to you always and it's never even a little bit your fault. While bad things happen to people when it isn't there fault, when someone consistently has bad things happening to them and people using them, it probably has something to do with them permitting this behavior or not having appropriate relationship boundaries in any relationship. Being the victim will only ever leave you getting shit on and being the victim.

Also if you have had many relationships fail and you've always blamed them on others you need to reconsider those relationships. Even in a relationship where it ending is not your fault there is ALWAYS something you could have done better. Learning to recognize these things can help you in future relationships.

The way you talk about your life is a large part of the reason it isn't getting any better. My shrink taught me to look for the good things even amongst the bad. When I was in this victim mentality it was during a period of PTSD, but some people end up living this way. I had to learn that many bad things that happened to me I could prevent with effort, and others I had to learn to take in stride. I had to start looking for the good around the bad. Then I had to stop defining days and weeks and months and years as good and bad and start seeing those things as components of good and bad. When I started doing this I realized a lot of good things had happened that I had just overlooked.

Anyway if you did some of the many things people have suggested for you it will be easier to make the kind of friends you want to make and meet the kind of people you want to meet. It's not easy to make or keep good friends, and no friend is perfect. Same thing for any relationship really.

I hope this helps.

I spend time with my dog when I can. She has been one of the few good things and my good roommates. When living in the type of town that I'm in, I'd rather have the few good friends that I have than be acquainted with many people who could turn their backs on me the next second. I volunteered for a while because I know that's a good place to meet good people and friends. That's how I met my current roommate through a volunteer program but I can't volunteer all my life since I have bills to pay unfortunately. Only through charity work, and my current paying job have I been able to meet good people, but if it's through any other places, can't really trust them.

The one thing I do blame myself on is allowing these people to be in my life for so long so that they could do what they did. At the end, I suppose I don't regret anything because through all the bad stuff I did meet the few good people that I did meet, and I did get my dog.

[ldrxoxo]

I agree with Malaga.


I hope you take this post the right way, but have you ever looked at anything to do with 'Personality Disorders'? Obviously, I barely know you, I don't know the real you, I only know what you write on here so I could be way off the mark. However, from the posts of yours which I have read there are some very strong indicators of having a very common mental health problem.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/person...efinition.aspx explains it far better than I can.

The only thing mentally wrong with me is if you think I'll let you still talk to me the way you do. What is so mental about calling people out for how they're behaving?
Is it "mental" to put people in their places when they're not acting any better than the people they're insulting?

I don't find anything wrong with that. I do notice a pattern. Every time I call out someone for behaving the way they do, they turn around and call me a mental person. And I'm sure if you lived the life that I live and have to deal with the people that I deal with, you'd react the same way. You know absolutely nothing about my life to even conclude that I'm so-called "mental."

And you have a huge ego you need to work on if you think I'm mental. I've noticed your other posts with other posters in how you interact that you seem to thrive off of aggravating people.