I'm new here to LDR and new to LDR period....but it's a bit more complicated at this time. I met my lady 22 years ago when we both lived in Alaska. We were great together but long story short I got cold feet and wound up leaving the relationship. We tried over the years to get back together but there was always some issue or person in the way.
We found each other in March of this year on Facebook and rekindled our romance. I think it was just too fast for it not to cool down though and we're on the outs again. I still live in AK and she lives in TX. We had planned on me moving to TX this fall (2014) and she was going to meet (fly up to) me in WA and we'd drive to TX together stopping to see our oldest adult children and grand-kids along the way.
We encountered major issues about a month ago. She was expressing her need for me to move down asap job or no job but I have commitments here to conclude before doing so and she knew this and would relent. She asked for Skype and pics (I hate selfies and I'm camera shy in a big way....the selfie on my profile was intended for her but she rejected me sending it to her saying she didn't want it because I was only sending it to appease her) and being the old school idiot I am I put her off. The short of the long of it was that became an issue, and looking on this forum I very much REGRET this in a major way.
She suffers from migraines and has for years and she shuts down which I had no clue about which caused PTSD to trigger and we argued about really stupid things and I left the stupidest whatsapp voice message a guy could ever leave his woman, especially during a period of stress. Now, it wasn't disrespectful or anything like that but more pathetic but before I knew it I pressed send and immediately regretted doing so.
The following day things were somewhat better we were texting casually back and forth then I got the text every person dreads. "I just listened to your whatsapp message, and I wish I hadn't".
My heart stopped. I told her I had a moment, I'm very sorry it was stupid and I'm better now and it will never happen again. The next text I received the next day was; "I need time to re-evaluate (her name). Will be sending much needed time with my girls (she has 2 teens remaining in her home) not liking life so much right now....so it's about (her name)".
I didn't respond. In fact I went silent for several days until I got another text saying she loved me very much but she wasn't sure she could open her heart again for marriage and that she was no longer the woman she was back then etc.
I called her. The conversation was casual and the only thing I asked her was to reconsider.
Friends....I don't want to get married in fact I want a fresh start with this woman. She's everything I want and need in a woman.
and I've had a great deal of time to feel and think about this. Contact has been sporadic a few texts here and there. One where I accepted the breakup followed by one a few days later asking for my belongings back (I had begun shipping things down to her in advance) which resulted in a "Whatever, I'll send it when I'm ready" to which I replied that I wasn't trying to be mean, didn't want to break up in the first place and was trying to move forward, which got a reaction of "you're being a jerk, your stuff is safe here until I can send it back. Nothing was ever good enough for you. I wish you nothing but love and happiness" and it went that way back and forth a little with me saying she was all I ever wanted which she said "I'm not all you ever wanted... You had an opportunity and left it... Then wanted me to take you back after everything that happened... You never listened to my heart and still don't
I'll get your stuff to you when I can" I responded by saying she didn't forgive me after all? I asked for forgiveness early on believe me and she was or seemed to forgive me. So it went like that a bit and in the end on that day I told her that she was going to wind up with those things (Two shadowboxes, one with some gifts from my late father, and 1 with my military service ribbons and medals) one day anyway, and that she was one of the only people who knew the significance of them to me so I had peace with her keeping them. There was another somewhat telling text I got that day: "All is good.....maybe I am just better by myself....much love and happiness to you....too tired to explain everything in my heart all the time..." I asked her to share it with me that I was here and read to listen to her and wanted to know how to love her.....There were other peaceful loving text interactions between us but I've been giving her space.
The last text I sent was a loving message that I feel leaves the door open but the ball in her court. She didn't respond to it but I didn't really anticipate her to. She has been cryptic on Facebook liking certain messages which I believe is her way of letting me know how she feels....
The note was on 9/11....and I've not contacted her since but to like pictures of her and the girls she's posted but no comments.
I wish I had this site back then!
Any thoughts, suggestions, prayers gladly welcomed! Thank you and I'm sorry it's so long...
We found each other in March of this year on Facebook and rekindled our romance. I think it was just too fast for it not to cool down though and we're on the outs again. I still live in AK and she lives in TX. We had planned on me moving to TX this fall (2014) and she was going to meet (fly up to) me in WA and we'd drive to TX together stopping to see our oldest adult children and grand-kids along the way.
We encountered major issues about a month ago. She was expressing her need for me to move down asap job or no job but I have commitments here to conclude before doing so and she knew this and would relent. She asked for Skype and pics (I hate selfies and I'm camera shy in a big way....the selfie on my profile was intended for her but she rejected me sending it to her saying she didn't want it because I was only sending it to appease her) and being the old school idiot I am I put her off. The short of the long of it was that became an issue, and looking on this forum I very much REGRET this in a major way.
She suffers from migraines and has for years and she shuts down which I had no clue about which caused PTSD to trigger and we argued about really stupid things and I left the stupidest whatsapp voice message a guy could ever leave his woman, especially during a period of stress. Now, it wasn't disrespectful or anything like that but more pathetic but before I knew it I pressed send and immediately regretted doing so.
The following day things were somewhat better we were texting casually back and forth then I got the text every person dreads. "I just listened to your whatsapp message, and I wish I hadn't".
My heart stopped. I told her I had a moment, I'm very sorry it was stupid and I'm better now and it will never happen again. The next text I received the next day was; "I need time to re-evaluate (her name). Will be sending much needed time with my girls (she has 2 teens remaining in her home) not liking life so much right now....so it's about (her name)".
I didn't respond. In fact I went silent for several days until I got another text saying she loved me very much but she wasn't sure she could open her heart again for marriage and that she was no longer the woman she was back then etc.
I called her. The conversation was casual and the only thing I asked her was to reconsider.
Friends....I don't want to get married in fact I want a fresh start with this woman. She's everything I want and need in a woman.
and I've had a great deal of time to feel and think about this. Contact has been sporadic a few texts here and there. One where I accepted the breakup followed by one a few days later asking for my belongings back (I had begun shipping things down to her in advance) which resulted in a "Whatever, I'll send it when I'm ready" to which I replied that I wasn't trying to be mean, didn't want to break up in the first place and was trying to move forward, which got a reaction of "you're being a jerk, your stuff is safe here until I can send it back. Nothing was ever good enough for you. I wish you nothing but love and happiness" and it went that way back and forth a little with me saying she was all I ever wanted which she said "I'm not all you ever wanted... You had an opportunity and left it... Then wanted me to take you back after everything that happened... You never listened to my heart and still don't
I'll get your stuff to you when I can" I responded by saying she didn't forgive me after all? I asked for forgiveness early on believe me and she was or seemed to forgive me. So it went like that a bit and in the end on that day I told her that she was going to wind up with those things (Two shadowboxes, one with some gifts from my late father, and 1 with my military service ribbons and medals) one day anyway, and that she was one of the only people who knew the significance of them to me so I had peace with her keeping them. There was another somewhat telling text I got that day: "All is good.....maybe I am just better by myself....much love and happiness to you....too tired to explain everything in my heart all the time..." I asked her to share it with me that I was here and read to listen to her and wanted to know how to love her.....There were other peaceful loving text interactions between us but I've been giving her space.
The last text I sent was a loving message that I feel leaves the door open but the ball in her court. She didn't respond to it but I didn't really anticipate her to. She has been cryptic on Facebook liking certain messages which I believe is her way of letting me know how she feels....
The note was on 9/11....and I've not contacted her since but to like pictures of her and the girls she's posted but no comments.
I wish I had this site back then!
Any thoughts, suggestions, prayers gladly welcomed! Thank you and I'm sorry it's so long...
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