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    Hi, I'm John Doe.

    Hello,

    I'll refrain from using my first name but G will suffice. My LDR partner's name is J. I stumbled upon the LFAD forum today while shamelessly googling stuff about being in an LDR. I am a child of my generation, we google everything. I'm here to share our adventure in an environment free from judgement and full of glorious anonymity.

    A brief rundown on us:

    I married young, and my now LDR partner was a guest at my wedding - she worked with my wife. We hit it off and pursued an extramarital affair as the relationship with my wife deteriorated. When we met, she was always planning on the leaving the country. Had the date and everything locked in, all was final in that respect. It started out purely physical between the two of us and we liked having a final date on it as meant no strings attached and I could go back to my real life afterwards. Then we fell hopelessly in love, it was too late for her to back out of leaving and now here we are. Pursuing a clandestine relationship across the globe with an 8 hour time difference and a wife in the way. We like a challenge, her and I.

    Our goal for the next little while is to both get our lives together to a point where we are ready for each other and to be together full time. In a way it's almost fortuitous that we have the space. I obviously have some things to take care of that are easier done without her around as a full time distraction, if you will.

    If you take umbrage with our circumstances or think either one of us is the devil incarnate then I make no apologies for that and kindly ask that you keep it to yourself, and remember that everyone is here because we share a common longing to be with our respective partners and to help each other out with that. I have wrestled with the moral quandary of it all both by myself and with her before she left, and we know the score on our home turf.

    Hopefully this is as inviting a forum as any other I'm a member of.

    "And I miss you but, it feels good this way
    Let’s fall in love somewhere that you'll wanna stay"

    #2
    Hello and welcome on the forums.

    Hopefully you will find lots of support and tips here.

    Comment


      #3
      Inquiring minds would like to know if you left your wife or not? If you chose not to share, that's fine. Just couldn't help but ask!

      Comment


        #4
        That's a fair question. At present, I have not and for a few reasons. If you're really interested there is a fair bit to it:

        One of which is quite simple - i have been with my wife for 7 and a half years now, though only married since early 2015. During that time we have accumulated joint debt, we own a house and 2 dogs and live a fairly "settled" life in that respect. It's not as simple as turning off a light switch and to make the transition easy, one has to set things in place and take care of affairs as best as possible. This may seem entirely self centered and I agree, it is.

        I am a man of science and I am a firm believer in following the scientific method. I had been with my SO for just 3 months when she left and we had only known each other for 6. It was a whirlwind adventure that threw us both upside down and turned what we thought we knew about love and ourselves on its head. We both acknowledge that it's easy to let lust interfere with your true feelings and that things may change when she left - we may feel distant or may lose the "spark" that caused us to fall for each other in the first place. When testing a hypothesis with many variables, one must only alter a single variable at a time otherwise the true effect of that variable on the outcome cannot be measured in isolation....she has been gone for a month now and I am more committed to this than I ever was when she was still here. The effect of her as a variable in my life is true and measurable and profound.

        When i decided that i was going to leave my wife, I resolved to do so not so that I could run away and start a new life with my SO, but because it was the right thing to do - the distinction is very, very important. Frankly, I got married for the wrong reasons. I had grown to not love her anymore and i thought i was in too deep when the wedding finally came and i thought i couldn't back out. I thought it would save our relationship. I know now that this was a bad choice to make but you really do feel so isolated at that time and the momentum of the whole thing is a hard thing to shake. When i knew that i couldn't give her the rest of the life she deserved as a doting wife, I knew it was right to leave her and let her find someone who can do that for her.

        Continuing on, my wife and the woman i love were acquaintances before she left. The fact that her and i became friends was not a secret and at the beginning, we were quite social. My wife knew that we were good friends. She had asked me to, if at all possible, leave her out of the separation of myself and my wife and I agreed to do so for the reason I outlined above - the 2 factors (not living my wife, falling in love with her) are separate.

        The cooling off period after her departure is over. I have work to do.

        EDIT: Whilst I hope this isn't overly confronting for people, after all most of us are quite fragile or we wouldn't be here in the first place, I am simply outlining some of the harsh realities of love and life. I hope some people can learn from this like I have and it is such a relief to get this all off my chest.
        Last edited by BFG; November 11, 2015, 09:01 PM.
        "And I miss you but, it feels good this way
        Let’s fall in love somewhere that you'll wanna stay"

        Comment


          #5
          Sending empathy your way. Life is too short to live an inauthentic life.

          Comment


            #6
            BFG was probably one of my favourite Roald Dahl books. Welcome to the forums.

            Comment


              #7
              Thankyou Jorgedig, i'm sure it will all pay off in the end.

              Originally posted by Honour View Post
              BFG was probably one of my favourite Roald Dahl books. Welcome to the forums.
              It's my favourite as well. Ugh, just so good. Still now as an adult i love the story.
              "And I miss you but, it feels good this way
              Let’s fall in love somewhere that you'll wanna stay"

              Comment

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