Hey guys!
I'm Laura and in January it will be the two year anniversary for my boyfriend (Idan) and I! He is two years younger than me and is currently attending Florida State University in their Film School. I live in New York City currently busying myself with school, work and an internship. I was recommended to this site by a couple that I'm close with who are survivors of their LDR.
Idan and I actually met in high school and become close friends immediately. Throughout high school we spent time seeing each other and hanging out but the age difference kept on holding me back from going ahead and trying out a relationship with him. I also did not want to feel like I was holding him back (I did not want him to go to college and feel like I was a burden/a hurdle from meeting new people, namely partners). Because of the nature of our friendship, my parents and his mom (his father lives in Tampa, FL) became familiar with one another as well. He was (and still is!) kind, respectful and adventurous- why didn't I start dating him?
I started my freshman year of college (dorming), ready to explore this 'college lifestyle' I had so heavily romanticized. The grades my first semester were good and I met lots of new people however, I started to change and I felt a little off. I tried dating a guy (who will be named Guy A for now) who reminded me so much of Idan. Articulate, nerdy and yet passionate. Hurrah, he was also older than me! However, naive as I was, our rendezvous was cut short when he found out I was a virgin. The identity that my fellow college peers also scrutinized constantly.
My second semester came around and I slowly became depressed. In a desperate attempt to not lose control, I admitted my feelings to Idan after three years of being close friends. Best friends. He was ecstatic and admitted he had felt the same way but never wanted us NOT to be friends. He was content simply having me in his life.
However, my depression did not get better and I became so apathetic that many aspects of my life suffered from it, including our 'relationship.' (I had told him that I did not want anything official but we could casually date). That Spring I told him that I could never see him more than a friend (at this point we had not done anything but light kisses) and that was that. I said this in an effort to save whatever friendship we had left before I could possibly ruin it permanently.
He was heartbroken, but still insisted on being friends because he did not want me not in his life. Guilty, I agreed. That summer he went away to Slovakia and spent some time to himself, as did I. You see, I was kicked out of school. I had to come to terms with my own dirty laundry.
By the fall, we started talking again. I had gotten ahold of myself and was doing loads better (back at school, working) and he came back with a worldly wisdom. He tried seeing another girl and even wanted to have sex with her (he was a virgin, as I) in order to get over me. He decided otherwise and just came to terms that he loved me (this is what he tells me now, haha). I was still unsure about my feelings and still overwhelmed with guilt. At least our friendship had mended at this point.
Then, finally, January rolls by and Idan attends my family reunion (about 30 loud mouthed Puerto Ricans on a Disney cruise!). He and his mother were invited because a) she's a journalist and b) she's a good friend of ours (as is Idan, of course). During the course of four days, my feelings for him grew so much stronger which only confused me more. During our vacation, he reluctantly asked me to prom (He was still a high school student at the time) and emphasized that it would just be as friends and if I said no, he's understand. I agreed to go (he was my date when I was a senior).
On the way back from the trip (my family and I drove down to FL from NYC), my entire family prodded me asking me what the deal was. I confessed that while I did like him, I was afraid of admitting my feelings and then losing him again. A cousin of mine asked me, "Do you want to wonder, for the rest of your life, what if?" and so I thought about it. I was nervous and yet I knew he was right. If things don't work out, it wasn't meant to be but I should at least try.
One week later from this Disney trip Idan and I hang out. After a day of spending time with one another, we went back to his apartment to just relax and get away from the cold. At one point we were just lying next to one another, looking at each other and he leaned in to kiss me. I was taken aback, but not because it was so sudden, but because it felt so right. He was more aggressive than before, which was also surprising, but was a testament of how much we *both* wanted this.
Since then I've been so happy and have felt so lucky. He is pursuing film and I, costume design. The distance was hard at first, but it's getting a little bit easier now that we've been separated already for about a year. Now he has a full schedule and requires lots of department permissions in order to go away, so now I won't be able to see him until December. I look forward to being part of such an inspiring and comforting community full of such strong, wonderful people.
Thanks guys. <3 (Sorry for the novel, haha!)
I'm Laura and in January it will be the two year anniversary for my boyfriend (Idan) and I! He is two years younger than me and is currently attending Florida State University in their Film School. I live in New York City currently busying myself with school, work and an internship. I was recommended to this site by a couple that I'm close with who are survivors of their LDR.
Idan and I actually met in high school and become close friends immediately. Throughout high school we spent time seeing each other and hanging out but the age difference kept on holding me back from going ahead and trying out a relationship with him. I also did not want to feel like I was holding him back (I did not want him to go to college and feel like I was a burden/a hurdle from meeting new people, namely partners). Because of the nature of our friendship, my parents and his mom (his father lives in Tampa, FL) became familiar with one another as well. He was (and still is!) kind, respectful and adventurous- why didn't I start dating him?
I started my freshman year of college (dorming), ready to explore this 'college lifestyle' I had so heavily romanticized. The grades my first semester were good and I met lots of new people however, I started to change and I felt a little off. I tried dating a guy (who will be named Guy A for now) who reminded me so much of Idan. Articulate, nerdy and yet passionate. Hurrah, he was also older than me! However, naive as I was, our rendezvous was cut short when he found out I was a virgin. The identity that my fellow college peers also scrutinized constantly.
My second semester came around and I slowly became depressed. In a desperate attempt to not lose control, I admitted my feelings to Idan after three years of being close friends. Best friends. He was ecstatic and admitted he had felt the same way but never wanted us NOT to be friends. He was content simply having me in his life.
However, my depression did not get better and I became so apathetic that many aspects of my life suffered from it, including our 'relationship.' (I had told him that I did not want anything official but we could casually date). That Spring I told him that I could never see him more than a friend (at this point we had not done anything but light kisses) and that was that. I said this in an effort to save whatever friendship we had left before I could possibly ruin it permanently.
He was heartbroken, but still insisted on being friends because he did not want me not in his life. Guilty, I agreed. That summer he went away to Slovakia and spent some time to himself, as did I. You see, I was kicked out of school. I had to come to terms with my own dirty laundry.
By the fall, we started talking again. I had gotten ahold of myself and was doing loads better (back at school, working) and he came back with a worldly wisdom. He tried seeing another girl and even wanted to have sex with her (he was a virgin, as I) in order to get over me. He decided otherwise and just came to terms that he loved me (this is what he tells me now, haha). I was still unsure about my feelings and still overwhelmed with guilt. At least our friendship had mended at this point.
Then, finally, January rolls by and Idan attends my family reunion (about 30 loud mouthed Puerto Ricans on a Disney cruise!). He and his mother were invited because a) she's a journalist and b) she's a good friend of ours (as is Idan, of course). During the course of four days, my feelings for him grew so much stronger which only confused me more. During our vacation, he reluctantly asked me to prom (He was still a high school student at the time) and emphasized that it would just be as friends and if I said no, he's understand. I agreed to go (he was my date when I was a senior).
On the way back from the trip (my family and I drove down to FL from NYC), my entire family prodded me asking me what the deal was. I confessed that while I did like him, I was afraid of admitting my feelings and then losing him again. A cousin of mine asked me, "Do you want to wonder, for the rest of your life, what if?" and so I thought about it. I was nervous and yet I knew he was right. If things don't work out, it wasn't meant to be but I should at least try.
One week later from this Disney trip Idan and I hang out. After a day of spending time with one another, we went back to his apartment to just relax and get away from the cold. At one point we were just lying next to one another, looking at each other and he leaned in to kiss me. I was taken aback, but not because it was so sudden, but because it felt so right. He was more aggressive than before, which was also surprising, but was a testament of how much we *both* wanted this.
Since then I've been so happy and have felt so lucky. He is pursuing film and I, costume design. The distance was hard at first, but it's getting a little bit easier now that we've been separated already for about a year. Now he has a full schedule and requires lots of department permissions in order to go away, so now I won't be able to see him until December. I look forward to being part of such an inspiring and comforting community full of such strong, wonderful people.
Thanks guys. <3 (Sorry for the novel, haha!)
Comment