When I got divorced earlier this year, my best friend invited me to join him in participating in a very private, invitation-only support forum for single parents. I joined up and made a handful of really good friends who did a great job of making my grief healthier and less complicated, and made the process so much easier.
One lady kept me laughing. One gave me great advice and helped me know what to say to my ex when she started stirring up trouble. One guy made me feel better by just letting me know he could relate.
And then there was one who was, well, special.
She thinks like me. She's sensitive like me. We share a large handful of random common interests: a deep appreciation for the culture and music of West Africa, talent and passion for grammar, similar music, the same movies (I couldn't believe I'd met a woman who liked Spinal Tap and Tarantino movies as much as I do!), and passion for our jobs. Her sense of humor clicked with mine, and her compassionate outlook on life resonated with me. Beyond that, we discovered a LOT of things that seem to make us fundamentally compatible with each other.
So we started flirting innocently, which is really common on that board. The flirts got hotter. Our friends told us to knock it off. We tried. Instead, we took it off board to Facebook chat. I had a particularly stressful review at work, and she offered me her phone number so that I could text or call if I needed to talk. We started calling each other a LOT. We revealed some of our deepest, darkest secrets to one another and gained a level of trust that amazes me.
The whole time, we tried to make sure we were developing a friendship, albeit a friendship with a strong element of mutual attraction. Hell, we lived 2,200 miles apart, and she has a failed LDR in her past and had vowed not to have another. Besides, if anything were to develop, closing the gap would be a VERY high stakes proposition for both of us (I have joint custody of two kids plus a daughter in college and a well-established career here, she is extremely well-established in her career and has a very close family and a good working relationship with her daughter's father in Seattle. Too many barriers. We shouldn't get serious, right?
On October 1st, we got busted. PurplePirate went into a parent-teacher conference with her daughter's teacher (this teacher is also a personal friend and colleague, because Pirate is a teacher in the same school system.) This teacher noticed how often we are on each other's Facebook walls, and just how flirty we are. She thought it was really cool, and was glad to see Pirate so happy.
A long conversation followed that night. We had to come face to face with how we really feel about each other. And how we feel about each other is STRONG. We crossed the "I love you" threshold that night, and admitted we've been feeling that way for months. We'd been in denial, fed by our efforts NOT to fall in love. But it was high time we just came clean and admitted it. Our attempts to not fall in love were a spectacular failure, and we owe it to ourselves and to each other to see if this thing has wings.
When she told me, "I love you," a jolt of electricity ran from my shoulders to my ankles, and it happened again when I said it back to her! Since then we have committed to meet each other face-to-face at my place this month and at hers in January. We have timelines and goals, and hope to get to know each other (even each other's dark sides) even better before commencing Operation: Close the Gap. In the meantime we have joined this site so we can figure out what makes successful LDRs click.
So far we've started playing Scrabble during our phone calls (we are both word nerds), opened a private Love Blog, and started the occasional Skype chat. I can't wait to meet her face-to-face at the airport next Tuesday.
One lady kept me laughing. One gave me great advice and helped me know what to say to my ex when she started stirring up trouble. One guy made me feel better by just letting me know he could relate.
And then there was one who was, well, special.
She thinks like me. She's sensitive like me. We share a large handful of random common interests: a deep appreciation for the culture and music of West Africa, talent and passion for grammar, similar music, the same movies (I couldn't believe I'd met a woman who liked Spinal Tap and Tarantino movies as much as I do!), and passion for our jobs. Her sense of humor clicked with mine, and her compassionate outlook on life resonated with me. Beyond that, we discovered a LOT of things that seem to make us fundamentally compatible with each other.
So we started flirting innocently, which is really common on that board. The flirts got hotter. Our friends told us to knock it off. We tried. Instead, we took it off board to Facebook chat. I had a particularly stressful review at work, and she offered me her phone number so that I could text or call if I needed to talk. We started calling each other a LOT. We revealed some of our deepest, darkest secrets to one another and gained a level of trust that amazes me.
The whole time, we tried to make sure we were developing a friendship, albeit a friendship with a strong element of mutual attraction. Hell, we lived 2,200 miles apart, and she has a failed LDR in her past and had vowed not to have another. Besides, if anything were to develop, closing the gap would be a VERY high stakes proposition for both of us (I have joint custody of two kids plus a daughter in college and a well-established career here, she is extremely well-established in her career and has a very close family and a good working relationship with her daughter's father in Seattle. Too many barriers. We shouldn't get serious, right?
On October 1st, we got busted. PurplePirate went into a parent-teacher conference with her daughter's teacher (this teacher is also a personal friend and colleague, because Pirate is a teacher in the same school system.) This teacher noticed how often we are on each other's Facebook walls, and just how flirty we are. She thought it was really cool, and was glad to see Pirate so happy.
A long conversation followed that night. We had to come face to face with how we really feel about each other. And how we feel about each other is STRONG. We crossed the "I love you" threshold that night, and admitted we've been feeling that way for months. We'd been in denial, fed by our efforts NOT to fall in love. But it was high time we just came clean and admitted it. Our attempts to not fall in love were a spectacular failure, and we owe it to ourselves and to each other to see if this thing has wings.
When she told me, "I love you," a jolt of electricity ran from my shoulders to my ankles, and it happened again when I said it back to her! Since then we have committed to meet each other face-to-face at my place this month and at hers in January. We have timelines and goals, and hope to get to know each other (even each other's dark sides) even better before commencing Operation: Close the Gap. In the meantime we have joined this site so we can figure out what makes successful LDRs click.
So far we've started playing Scrabble during our phone calls (we are both word nerds), opened a private Love Blog, and started the occasional Skype chat. I can't wait to meet her face-to-face at the airport next Tuesday.
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