Dealing With Anxiety in a LDR

[Sierra]

Hey guys,

I've been thinking a lot about my actions and the way I feel in my LDR. I love my boyfriend dearly but sometimes I feel like the anxiety I feel (unnecessarily) is going to tear our relationship apart. I've talked to him about it and he said it won't, but I still worry.

Mainly, I get upset when he's not home before I go to sleep and he forgets to text me that he got home alright. I have an irrational fear that something happened to him and he's dead. This isn't just in my LDR, but it's anxiety that I experience with other people as well.

Sometimes my anxiety just grips me and I can't get out of it. Being in a LDR has made it worst, the distance, the not knowing what's going on, how I could never get to him if something happened and who would tell me anyway?

Sometimes it gets so bad that I pick fights with him. And they are bad.
Has anyone else had to deal with this in their relationship? I want to be the best girlfriend that I can be but this anxiety really gets the best of me sometimes.

[Jgui]

I know what you mean with no calling and such. Have you tried talking to him about this anxiety problem? Let him know you're worried and it gets you all worked up when he doesn't call to let you know his home.

[kteire]

I know how you feel, I have been much the same. I've lost a lot of people unexpectedly, and coupled with that, I have an anxiety disorder that goes mad when my SO isn't around when I assume he will be.
My advice? Be honest about it. If your SO is understanding, he can help to make you feel at ease. I know I regularly have to discuss how I'm feeling with my SO, and he'll do anything he can to reassure me that everything's ok. Also, the more important bit, as far as I'm concerned, is that it's not normal to have that level of anxiety, to be constantly worrying if someone has been hurt. Have you talked to your doctor at all about it? If it's out of nowhere, it could be an anxiety disorder, which can be challenging, but it's easier to deal with it once you know that's what it is. I have ways of dealing with my own anxiety, and medication I can take when it's particularly bad.

[Sierra]

I have explained my anxiety to him and he does a really good job of letting me know when he's home and what not. It's when he forgets that I get super worried. I've explained that my anxiety causes me to pick fights with him, and he says he understands that too, but he doesn't offer me much in the way of a solution to this as it's my own problem.

I too do have an anxiety disorder and I am on meds for it. But they only do so much. I'm also in therapy which is where I tend to talk about my anxiety. My therapist tells me that I need to figure out what I need to be secure in my relationship and not feel that way but the honest truth is, I don't know how not to with the distance between us.

[Bethypoo]

You sound exactly like me. And I will tell you what I have to say to myself.

" Why am I fighting with him?"

If there is a reason, then fine. But if it is something small, like a forgotten text or something like that, it isnt something to fight over. Communication in a LDR is a special thing because for some of us it doesn't come as often. I always pick fights with chris and was more mad at the situation than at him and it truly almost tore us apart.

So really just try to evaluate what the situation is any why you are mad. Is it him or you? And if it is just you freaking out, then dont take it out on him. They just feel bacd and want to fix it when in reality they did nothing. Hope that helps