She's already in love with someone else?

[screammaayday]

Hi all. Most of you know my story and have helped me a bunch in going through these tough times and break up with my ex. I'm incredibly thankful for all of you.

I come to you all today to tell you about what I heard today. My friend, the one who previously told me what Kaylin would post, has told me that she posted about how she was in love with this man whom she met last week in West Virginia. Apparently, she saw him and just felt a "spark." When I heard this, I was back in the same place I started in. Square one all over again. My chest got tight, I wanted to cry. My friend doesn't think it's true because I had posted on my friend's Facebook wall about doing a double date with one of my friends who likes me and Kaylin posted this journal entry the day after I had posted on my friend's wall. Kaylin has said numerous times that falling in love is a gradual process, so I don't understand this? She has told my friend that she is completely unhappy and sent me a message on Thanksgiving saying she hoped I was alright and wished me a happy Thanksgiving. I didn't reply, because I felt it would make me worse off to talk to her.

Opinions? Do you think she is doing this to spite me or do you think she truly loves this man?

[elizabethjp2010]

I think it doesnt matter. Youve posted a few times, it sounds like she is stringing you along.

You really do deserve better

sorry for the harshness but its what i think and really how i feel.

[Haley53]

To be honest, I'm not sure her intention matters in this case. I don't usually say that actions matter more than intention, but here... Whether or not she's involved with this man because she has feelings for him or because it's to spite you, harsh truth is that she's getting involved with somebody else. If she's doing it to hurt you, she's not worth your time, she's playing games with your heart and stringing you along, and you should move on. If she's doing it because she did feel that spark, then you should still start moving on, because being blunt, it sounds like she's been ready to move on long before you; you're simply fun to keep around and play with.

My opinion is you either need to cut off the mutual friends or have that mutual friend stop being the middle man. Almost sounds like that friend likes stirring up drama, frankly, since any time anything happens with either of you, that would cause drama with the other, it seems to be heard/whispered about. I think that needs to stop, because obsessing over your ex and keeping tabs on her through a middle man is not going to do you any good; you will only serve to get hurt further. And being honest, the more she hurts you/knows she's hurting you, the more she's likely to do it, because she probably likes the power from it. My opinion is cut them both off unless the messenger here can have some self-control and stop relaying everything. No use removing someone from FB if you're going to have someone else stalking them for you. It needs to stop.

[jiynx]

I agree with elizabeth. It shouldn't matter what she is up to in this situation - she is stringing you along, and it's all to hurt you.

My advice? Cut all ties with her. Delete her off your things, and when friends try to tell you about her, tell them you don't want to hear it.

I think a clean cut will be good for you in the end. Yeah, be friends, but in the future. I believe this is in your best interest.

Hope it all turns out well

[screammaayday]

@Elizabeth I don't think you were harsh. I agree. I feel as though she's trying to string me along.

@Eclaire The mutual friend is my best friend. I told her not to tell me anything more about Kaylin. I've already asked her once, but she apparently forgot. I'm fine until I hear something of this nature, and once I do, it takes me awhile to bounce back. It's just hard to hear that she's already completely moved on, when she supposedly had loved me so much.

[elizabethjp2010]

if you know dont let her do it.

if you dont give her that power she wont bother you. just dont let her, tell your best friend you dont want to hear it. You need to move on.

i had a simular problem with my first serious boyfriend he said jump i said how high, i just didnt want to give up on what we had, or what i thought we had. If i hadnt have given up and realized all the crap he put me through i wouldnt be in love with michael now, i would be wondering why cody wasnt returning my calls.

[Darth_Taco]

...You need to tell your friend to shut the fuck up. Don't ask kindly, flat out tell her to shut her trap. Tell her how bad it hurts her when you hear about your ex, and that if she's any kind of friend she needs to keep this crap to herself. If she refuses or "forgets" again, then it's time to consider that your best friend isn't such a great friend. It doesn't mater if she's doing it intentionally or not, she's preventing you from moving on and making you miserable.

[SDPersona]

I've been keeping up with your threads and I can't help but see like you're the man who keeps driving a dagger into his heart - time and time again. You really need to stop, cut all and any ties with your ex and that also means that your friend has to stop being the relayer. She needs to spare you the pain if she's your friend. Also, it's no use dissecting everything your ex-girlfriend says or does no matter if it's true or just a perverse kind of power play that she likes, not if it pains you so much and prevents you from healing. If you're completely over her or at least not hurting any more, you can start being friends with her, but that's not going to be awhile. At least stay away from your ex for a few months and while I'm at it from facebook, too. Facebook can bring a world of hurt if you're not careful...

[lucybelle]

...You need to tell your friend to shut the fuck up. Don't ask kindly, flat out tell her to shut her trap. Tell her how bad it hurts her when you hear about your ex, and that if she's any kind of friend she needs to keep this crap to herself. If she refuses or "forgets" again, then it's time to consider that your best friend isn't such a great friend. It doesn't mater if she's doing it intentionally or not, she's preventing you from moving on and making you miserable.

Agree with this. When my first heart break broke up with me, my best friend decided she wanted to be friends with him. So I straight up told her "I don't want to hear about him, I don't want to know how he's doing, I don't want him at the apartment, I don't want to know he even exists."

[thatgirllit]

I think it doesnt matter. Youve posted a few times, it sounds like she is stringing you along.

You really do deserve better

sorry for the harshness but its what i think and really how i feel.

+1

To be honest, I'm not sure her intention matters in this case. I don't usually say that actions matter more than intention, but here... Whether or not she's involved with this man because she has feelings for him or because it's to spite you, harsh truth is that she's getting involved with somebody else. If she's doing it to hurt you, she's not worth your time, she's playing games with your heart and stringing you along, and you should move on. If she's doing it because she did feel that spark, then you should still start moving on, because being blunt, it sounds like she's been ready to move on long before you; you're simply fun to keep around and play with.

My opinion is you either need to cut off the mutual friends or have that mutual friend stop being the middle man. Almost sounds like that friend likes stirring up drama, frankly, since any time anything happens with either of you, that would cause drama with the other, it seems to be heard/whispered about. I think that needs to stop, because obsessing over your ex and keeping tabs on her through a middle man is not going to do you any good; you will only serve to get hurt further. And being honest, the more she hurts you/knows she's hurting you, the more she's likely to do it, because she probably likes the power from it. My opinion is cut them both off unless the messenger here can have some self-control and stop relaying everything. No use removing someone from FB if you're going to have someone else stalking them for you. It needs to stop.

+1

I agree with both Elizabeth and Eclaire. Her intentions are irrelevant...this is about you.

1. Are you planning on rekindling your romantic relationship with her in the future?
a)If the answer to this question is yes, than you need to carefully consider whether or not she has similar intentions. If the answer to this question is also yes, then you need to speak with her directly and stop allowing other people to be apart of your relationship.
b) If the answer to this question is no, then you need to cut off all contact with her and explain to your friend that the best way they can be supportive of you (be a good friend) is by no longer intervening in your relationship or acting as a go between.

2. I am new to the forum so I have not read any of your previous post, but it sounds like this break up is relatively new and that you still have feelings for your ex. This is understandable. However, it also seems like you are engaging your ex in this emotional manipulation/game playing. "I had posted on my friend's Facebook wall about doing a double date with one of my friends who likes me..." If you broke up a week ago, and still have feelings for your ex, did you really have any intention of go on a double date with someone else? Or, did you post that comment on your friend's Facebook wall because you knew your ex would see it? AND, if you did intend to go on a double date with someone else, do you think that this is fair to the third party at the point you are still hung up on your ex? I think you need to take a step back and allow yourself to grieve. No one is asking you to be "over" your ex only a week after your relationship ended. However, I don't think you should continue to engage your ex in these emotionally exhaustive games and I certainly don't think you should involve other people who might get hurt needlessly.

Best.

[heylittlekrissy]

Agree with this. When my first heart break broke up with me, my best friend decided she wanted to be friends with him. So I straight up told her "I don't want to hear about him, I don't want to know how he's doing, I don't want him at the apartment, I don't want to know he even exists."

Totally agree with you and Darth_taco on this one.
I'm the same way, if things have ended with someone I once cared about, the only way for me to get over them was to have them completely out of my life, so I didn't want to hear about them, see them, or have to deal with them. That always helped me.

And I agree with Eclaire, that no matter what her intentions are, it seems she is already on the path of moving on and getting involved with another person.

It's not going to be easy, but I would do your best to try and move on. Even if you hope things will happen in the future, you need to live your life now, and do what makes you happy now. If things are meant to work out in the future, they will; but waiting around is only going to be hard on you, and you don't deserve that.
I'm not saying you have to jump back in the dating scene or anything right away, but you need to work on making yourself happy again, and finding ways to do that. When you're ready to start dating again, go for it. You don't have to necessarily find someone better than her, because obviously you truly care about your ex, but you might find someone who exhibits a lot of the same qualities that attracted you to your ex, someone who will put your needs first, too. I don't know your ex, and I don't want to say anything bad about her without knowing her, but from what you've posted now and before, it seems she has been rather selfish, and you don't deserve that. That doesn't make her a bad person though, it's just a bad quality that happened to take a negative toll on your relationship with her.
You need to find someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them, and I'm not saying your ex didn't want to be with you, but there was obviously something there that she couldn't handle.
Whether it's somebody new, or you get back with your ex sometime in the future, you'll find somebody who's perfect for you. But you need to live your life now first.

[screammaayday]

+1



+1

I agree with both Elizabeth and Eclaire. Her intentions are irrelevant...this is about you.

1. Are you planning on rekindling your romantic relationship with her in the future?
a)If the answer to this question is yes, than you need to carefully consider whether or not she has similar intentions. If the answer to this question is also yes, then you need to speak with her directly and stop allowing other people to be apart of your relationship.
b) If the answer to this question is no, then you need to cut off all contact with her and explain to your friend that the best way they can be supportive of you (be a good friend) is by no longer intervening in your relationship or acting as a go between.

2. I am new to the forum so I have not read any of your previous post, but it sounds like this break up is relatively new and that you still have feelings for your ex. This is understandable. However, it also seems like you are engaging your ex in this emotional manipulation/game playing. "I had posted on my friend's Facebook wall about doing a double date with one of my friends who likes me..." If you broke up a week ago, and still have feelings for your ex, did you really have any intention of go on a double date with someone else? Or, did you post that comment on your friend's Facebook wall because you knew your ex would see it? AND, if you did intend to go on a double date with someone else, do you think that this is fair to the third party at the point you are still hung up on your ex? I think you need to take a step back and allow yourself to grieve. No one is asking you to be "over" your ex only a week after your relationship ended. However, I don't think you should continue to engage your ex in these emotionally exhaustive games and I certainly don't think you should involve other people who might get hurt needlessly.

Best.

I did not have any intentions of my ex seeing that. And the break-up has been a little over two months ago.

To all the rest of you, your replies are all wonderful and they put a lot of things in perspective. I realize now that I need to make sure my friend doesn't tell me anything about my ex. And I do need to live my life for now, and let the future decide itself.

[Engel]

One way or another, she is doing you no good.

Or she really doesnt care about your feelings that way anymore, and is trying to ind someone else

Or she doesnt want to be your girlfriend but still wants to have you there, still in love with her, just in case.


You do deserve better dear.
Im sure you can find a girl who also deserves you.

Good luck. <3

[screammaayday]

@Engel Thank you. <3 I think you are right in that she wants to have me there, still in love with her for when she's ready. I didn't want to believe it was true, but it is.

[Jgui]

...You need to tell your friend to shut the fuck up. Don't ask kindly, flat out tell her to shut her trap. Tell her how bad it hurts her when you hear about your ex, and that if she's any kind of friend she needs to keep this crap to herself. If she refuses or "forgets" again, then it's time to consider that your best friend isn't such a great friend. It doesn't mater if she's doing it intentionally or not, she's preventing you from moving on and making you miserable.

I agree with him. Your mutual friend needs to zip it.