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What is he saying?

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    What is he saying?

    Brief background: We've been dating over a year, started off as CD and we've been LD for about 7 months now. We're usually able to see each other twice a month.

    My boyfriend has been in a few relationships in the past before me. They all started as CD but all of them eventually became LD. The distances ranged from 300 miles to over 5000 miles. He said that in each relationship, they broke up when it turned into a LDR. He said that they broke up on good terms, which is true because he still remains in touch with them a few times a year. He told me that the only reason why they ended up breaking up is because they most likely would never live in the same city again.

    Okay...

    So where does that leave me? Right now we don't have a concrete end point. I know that it's going to involve me moving, which I'm fine with, but it will involve finding a new job and that will be tricky. The earliest we could probably reunite is 1.5 years from now. But there's no guarantee, and that's why I'm confused. If he broke up with the other girls because they probably would never be able to close the distance, then I don't understand why he is still with me. There's a possibility that we might not end up in the same city. Of course there's the possibility that we will be able to close the distance. But he could have closed the distance with the other girls even if his chances were lower. Could it be because we're able to see each other often? Or do you think maybe there was more to the break ups that he isn't telling me? I know for a fact that he's still friends with all of them but maybe he or she didn't care enough to try a LDR? I don't know, I'm so confused.

    He was very pessimistic when we found out that we were going to be in a LDR and I guess it was because of his previous relationships...

    Anyway, any comments or advice?

    #2
    True love knows no distance and while the distance is a huge challenge, it can be workable as proven by many on this board. Maybe he just wasn't serious about the others?
    Three words. Fill my racing mind. Leave me breathless. Lost in time.
    Three words. Fill my endless dreams. Repair my heart. Mend the seams.
    Three words. Fill your heart too. Three words pronounced. I love you.

    ~~~~~~

    You look in the mirror, you don't like what you see, don't believe it.
    Look in my eyes, I am the only mirror you're ever gonna need.




    Met online: 12/24/10 Met In Person: 2/24/11 Distance Closed: 4/24/11
    Not one regret, not one backwards look, only towards the future and beyond!

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by LeilaniJoi View Post
      True love knows no distance and while the distance is a huge challenge, it can be workable as proven by many on this board. Maybe he just wasn't serious about the others?
      I agree with Leilanijoi, maybe he didn't see those other relationship as a serious enough relationship. Situation and people make a person change.

      Have you tried talking to him about her concerns? Ask him if there is going to be a chance the distance will close, You moving or him moving? if you've been together for 7 months LDR it's a good sign right? Have a talk with him about your future together... 1 year is a good amount of time to realize if a person is right for you or not.

      Good luck and stay positive

      Comment


        #4
        just a thought- and a bad one at that- but he's not a serial LDR-er is he? i mean yes they were close distance at first, all his previous Rtlnshps, but does he identify who put the most effort into each one? if he sounds pessimistic at ths sound of your rltnshp going LDR is it because of his past, or because it means he's got to try and make more effort again? also why have you or him not brought up a agreeable closing point? i've noticed on here that most couples have agreed to a goal in the end.

        i think if he loves you, you both need to have a long talk about this. for if he's already got pre-set thoughts about it, it won't help. xx

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by LeilaniJoi View Post
          True love knows no distance and while the distance is a huge challenge, it can be workable as proven by many on this board. Maybe he just wasn't serious about the others?
          This is what I am thinking. I mean, maybe you are different. And that is a very good possibility. But you need to really have this conversation with him and see what he says. You don't want to waste your time if he is going to give up and leave. But you also need to know what is going through his head.
          Got together Jan 3, 2011~ Closed the Distance March 23, 2012~ Living Together Since June 19 2012~ Future TBD......

          I miss you more than I ever could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal." ~ Vita Sackville-west

          Comment


            #6
            LeilaniJoia: That could be true. His last relationship was a couple of years ago so he may have changed since then.

            Jgui: There really aren't any career options for him in the city that I'm living in. So like I said, it's going to be up to me to switch jobs and move wherever he is. I'm 100% willing to do so, but due to the line of work that I'm in, it can be very, very difficult to switch jobs in the near future that I'm shooting for (1.5 years).

            nomnom_elf: It's really hard to say who was putting in more effort. From what he has said, once they became LD or even before one of them moved away, the relationship ended. Basically they didn't even try the LDR. We do know that in order for us to have an endpoint, I'm going to have to be the one to move. But like I mentioned to Jgui, I'm at the mercy of my job, boss, and job market if I want to switch jobs. It's really complicated.

            Bethypoo: Yeah, maybe. It's just hard to talk to him about this stuff...

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