I feel like I'm repeating myself...

[rubydissolution]

So, I've posted and commented on a few threads about the lack of texts the SO sends during the day. I've spoken to him about it on numerous occasions. Basically I've simply asked him to drop me a text when he gets up in the morning since I won't hear from him all day when he's at work. When i say simple i mean "good morning, I love you, I'll ttyl" I don't know about all of you but the first thing i think about in the morning is my SO and i immediately grab my phone and text him a good morning and i love you. I always hope in the morning that i'll hear my phone go off and i'll get that good morning text, but it never comes. In fact, if i text him good morning i'll get one back (if i get one back) a few hours later sometime in the late afternoon his time and evening my time. He has time to log onto Facebook and check it, has time to comment on something he's posted but doesn't have time to wish me a simple good morning. It really bothers me.

I know our honeymoon phase is over and he doesn't have to do things to impress me anymore, but i don't even think that falls into the category of something he has to do to impress me. If we were CD sleeping in the same bed, i could roll over smile and say good morning and I know he would do the same, so why is it so hard to do that LDR?

Am I reading too much into this? Am I being needy or unreasonable? Is this me being crazy again? BC my thoughts are pretty rational right now, and i don't feel emotionally out of control. I just wish he'd do it and i shouldn't have to remind him over and over and over because then it just becomes me nagging him to do something I shouldn't have to nag him about.

Comments, advice is always appreciated.

[kiara_silver]

I don't think your being unreasonable. LDR's are hard, your already distant and not apart of each others days. You need that simple message sometimes, just to know there still there. I understand that people need space. And not to talk everyday, but when your in a relationship, you need to put time to your SO and make them a priority. I would have a real sit down talk about how you feel. Let it all out and figure out a compromise, one text doesn't seem like much to me.

[Jgui]

I know what you're saying. My SO is the same way.. He used to text me so much more during the beginning of our relationship now I'm lucky if I get a text a day.. Haha ive talked to him about it and told him how just a simple text a day makes it that much easier for me to get through. But I do understand his busy schedule and hectic lifestyle (I know it shouldn't be an excuse). I try my best not to let it affect me anymore and I've gotten better used to it. I keep my mind busy so I don't over think the whole thing. I trust that I do cross his mind and he misses me but is bad at showing emotions and feelings.

I understand communication is important in any relationship, and especially in LDR but sometimes I am guilty for lack of communication.

[LatinButterfly]

I think it is better if the SO texts when he feels like, when he has something to share, basically when it comes from its heart... Not when he does it because he feels kind of "forced" to do it, otherwise you'll be upset.
Try going a day or two without texting him, make him miss you and you'll see he will send a text probably at the end of the day or the next day to check on you and to ask you if everything is Ok.. He will experience the way you feel when you don't hear from him and perhaps it'd make him realize his "mistake"

[Zephii]

I love waking up to txts, unfortunatly Obi's a lazy sod. When he stopped commuting an hour and a half every morning, he stop flooding me with texts too. >.> I've been able to come to terms with the fact that he either doesn't think of me as uch as I think of him, or he doesn't feel the need to act on those thoughts. And then I let it go. If it's a special occasion or I need support I'll warn him the day before that I expect him to say something nice lol, but that's as far as it goes.

Perhaps your guy just isn't that into texting? Would he prefer to send a fb message instead seeming he obviously has time for that? Maybe he thinks doing it every day makes it routine and not special? Maybe he thinks it's a waste of credit/minutes to txt if he doesn't have something he needs to say (I do this. It costs me 50c a text to contact Obi. So I read his messages, smile and put the phone down nine times out of ten )?

Whilst it's a very very tiny thing to ask of him and I don't see why he can't do it (have you tried asking him to set a reminder on his phone or something?), it's also not something that's going to make or break your relationship. Maybe try focusing on the nice things he already does rather than the extras you don't have?

[Sunnyside193]

I dont think you are overreacting. If you don't have much time to communicate to start with a text during the day or in the morning really helps. Especially when it's not expected or been requested. I agree with Zephii maybe texting isnt what he likes to do. Facebook message might work if he prefers that.

[Haley53]

Whether or not this bothered me would depend on whether or not he put effort into other aspects of our relationship and also on his schedule and what it costs to text me. Personally, where I agree with that you should put effort into a relationship because LDRs do require effort, I also feel that this might be something you can let go. Though I wouldn't say you're overreacting, I do think you're being a little bit hard on your partner, maybe even a little bit nit-picky, though I realise I'm the devil's advocate here... I simply feel this way because, frankly, texting isn't everyone's thing and, frankly, even though you may find good morning text messages to be a sweet show of affection and though you may send them yourself, regardless of what you've told him, he may not see the need for them, he may not have time, or he may not want to feel pressured into doing something that simply isn't his thing. I like to send goodnight and good morning texts, my partner's not as regular with them. Sure, I would love to have a goodnight and good morning text message every single day, because I like to send them and he's what's on my mind in the morning and when I lay down to sleep, but I'm not going to force him into doing it. It's not a detriment to our relationship because we communicate in other fashions and because he still makes time to show me he loves me and cares in his own way. Personally, if I were you, I'd let this one go as opposed to nagging him about it. You've brought it up, now leave the ball in his court and try to distract yourself with what he does to make you feel special/cared about, as opposed to focusing so much on the fact he doesn't say "good morning" in a text message everyday.

[Bethypoo]

I mean, some people just dont do this. My SO started one day and we have just kept with it. I am always up first and sometimes I will text him first but i will leave it some morings and it is nice to her it go off and see his name on my phone.

Just talk to him. But if you at least talk at night then i wouldn't make to much of a deal. You cant beat it into him. But I get what you are saying.

[rubydissolution]

Ok to claritfy, He used to text me good morning every morning when we first started dating. It costs him nothing to send me a text bc he uses a free text program on his ipod or if he uses his phone, i bought the phone and the minutes he currently has on it I paid for. As for Facebook he doesn't even comment on my status or leave me messages anymore. Not texting for a few days, we did that. We didn't communicate for 3 days. No texts, calls, aim/fb msges. So i've tried that already. As for no time, he doesn't even do it on his days off. I find even when i have to get up at 6am for work i can still make the 2 seconds to drop him a text in the morning. I work 2 jobs, 50 hours a week and i find time.

The problem is i'm not seeing the effort anymore, and he says he's tired a lot from work but I have a lot of doubts that that's everything.

[Kerry]

no- I don't think you're being unreasonable. I never got how someone can do something else- like go online or go out- and can't do something as easy as texting.

I did have a question- did your bf ever text you in the AM?

[floridaellen]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. My SO texts me goodmorning every morning; it helps me get through the day and feel better about our relationship just to know he cares enough to say it.
From your second reply it sounds like he just isn't putting enough effort into the relationship. You need to sit down with him and talk to him about his lack of effort.

[Bethypoo]

hmmmm, yea. That does suck that he did do it and now he doesn't. I mean, part of that is because you are out of the honeymoon phase. But even with that being said, if you feel like you are the only one putting in the effort, then it is hard not to care like you are the only one who is really in the relationship and there to make it work. Not just in it to be in a relationship.

My SO and I just went through this. And I straight up called him on it. I told him that i didn't feel like he was making an effort and therefore sometimes felt like the only reason he wanted to be with me was to say he is in a relationship. (whether or not this is how you feel IDK). But I needed to feel like he wanted to make that call or send that text, not do it to avoid me getting mad and feeing unwanted. So, like i said before, maybe you just have to be straight out with how you feel. Even if it sounds bad. Brutal honestly may smack some sense into him and realize that you have feelings to and you would like to be shown that you are important to him.

[rubydissolution]

My SO and I just went through this. And I straight up called him on it. I told him that i didn't feel like he was making an effort and therefore sometimes felt like the only reason he wanted to be with me was to say he is in a relationship. (whether or not this is how you feel IDK). But I needed to feel like he wanted to make that call or send that text, not do it to avoid me getting mad and feeing unwanted. So, like i said before, maybe you just have to be straight out with how you feel. Even if it sounds bad. Brutal honestly may smack some sense into him and realize that you have feelings to and you would like to be shown that you are important to him.

I have flat out called him out on it. I've told him i need him to show me he's thinking of me when i'm not around. I told him i need him to act like he gives a sh*t about our relationship. I've even asked him if he wanted to break up, if he was pushing me away to achieve that ultimate end and he said no. He keeps blaming it on the fact that he feels guilty about what he did to me, but I feel like he can't keep using that as a crutch. I almost wonder if there is something else that he is feeling guilty about. BC he's been beating himself up a lot, calling himself lame and a douchebag. That i shouldn't spend money on a Christmas present bc he doesn't deserve it. I can reassure him, nut it doesn't stick. I don't really know what else i can do to get him to change its incredibly discouraging.

[Amelia]

i went through this with my SO and it went on for ages and i remember getting so worried and upset about it all, i just talked to him and told him how important the text messages were. before that i stopped texting him in the morning and he picked up on it straight away. His reason for the lack of texts was he didnt want to seem clingy or whipped as his friends would put it. The conversation went for over 4 hours just trying to get a reason out of him. It involved me questioning his want to be in the relationship and i just said i need to see you put in effort. It does not happen straight away but eventually they come around, its just a phase or a little "rut" in the relationship.

[squirrelz15]

It does sound like he feels guilty, whether it was from what he did in the past or something he did more recently I don't know. That said, he needs to learn to forgive himself, assuming that you have forgiven him and he knows that. Pushing you away is not a good way to absolve his guilt. I guess I would say sit down and talk to him about why he feels so guilty. If it's the same thing as in the past, say that you've forgiven him, but that hanging on to the past is not going to help your relationship in the present. You have to move on in order to heal and maintain a healthy relationship now. Everyone messes up, part of relationships is forgiving your partner and yourself and moving on. Past mistakes don't give him a right to push you away, and he needs to stop doing that. You also can't force him to talk to you, and that's where the hard part comes in. If he isn't willing to let go of the past then I'm not really sure what you can do to stop him from pushing you away.