That song edited 'Forget you'. The words prior before hitting the cutting room floor. They are the ones I will send to you, my love. I was the guy's best friend then his girlfriend and I would have been his friend even after we split had he not done this.
My 'SO' (Or SOB the way I think of the little bastard right now) lied to me for no less than almost two years, in fact, longer if you count the time we spent as friends. He lied to me and said he was a few years older than me when in fact he was a few years younger. Only two years and you know it's not an issue. The only way it would be were if he were underage which he definitely was and is not. But the way I found out. He asked him to stay with him without telling me. He lied for that long directly to my face. I confronted him and he admitted it today after hanging up the phone swearing at me and saying he'd get his birth certificate, told me I had a problem with younger men (news to me) and then after I was trying to get it out of him I said I'd ask someone in his family the simple question 'how old is -----' to get my answer, he then threatened to post some rather intimate pictures of me on the internet knowing full well that i have issues with my body etc.
So, I told him, somewhat foolishly, 'you know what F--- it, post them. I have good boobs, I like myself post them' (and yes, that's funny) but I was like 'why the hell should he get that over me?'
He said he wouldn't but for god's sake. He lied to me, tried to squirm out of it then threatened me. While I was there the last time, he also moved house after telling me the night before, allowed his sister to knock on the door and tell us to behave while we were doing certain things and had all kinds of people milling around the house smoking pot like every night while after five months we were trying to get a moment.
I am stupid. I am genuinely and utterly stupid but you know what I stand by what I said. Post the damn pictures, I'll stand by them and be like 'Hell I love them' even though they make me die a little inside but he said he loved them. I'll rise up against the grain and I'll keep going after this and nothing will stop me succeeding this but damn I'm hurt. I'm ashamed to say that I hit a wall and thankfully didn't do any damage to the wall although my knuckles look a bit weird but they'll be fine. That's the last injury physical or mental I suffer from this stupidity. And seeing my poor kitty sloping around me, touching me gently with her nose every so often I know it's time to let it go. But damn, I am so hurt. It's not the age, it's the lie, it's the fact that I slept with the guy and he lied to my face. It's the fact that he's just threatened me knowing everything about my insecurities. It's the fact that the last guy cheated on me and he knows all of my issues and I feel played so very badly. I'll stop this pity party, I promised myself already. But I can't not say it and move on, even if it's just here. It hurts. It really, really hurts. And I don't want anyone to see it but it kinda has to be heard.
It hurts. And it's not the end of anything and it won't stop me but damn it hurts. I'm sorry that's all I've got lol. And I don't know why it's here but like I said it needs to be heard because I'm so far from him and I can't slap him. Lol.
My 'SO' (Or SOB the way I think of the little bastard right now) lied to me for no less than almost two years, in fact, longer if you count the time we spent as friends. He lied to me and said he was a few years older than me when in fact he was a few years younger. Only two years and you know it's not an issue. The only way it would be were if he were underage which he definitely was and is not. But the way I found out. He asked him to stay with him without telling me. He lied for that long directly to my face. I confronted him and he admitted it today after hanging up the phone swearing at me and saying he'd get his birth certificate, told me I had a problem with younger men (news to me) and then after I was trying to get it out of him I said I'd ask someone in his family the simple question 'how old is -----' to get my answer, he then threatened to post some rather intimate pictures of me on the internet knowing full well that i have issues with my body etc.
So, I told him, somewhat foolishly, 'you know what F--- it, post them. I have good boobs, I like myself post them' (and yes, that's funny) but I was like 'why the hell should he get that over me?'
He said he wouldn't but for god's sake. He lied to me, tried to squirm out of it then threatened me. While I was there the last time, he also moved house after telling me the night before, allowed his sister to knock on the door and tell us to behave while we were doing certain things and had all kinds of people milling around the house smoking pot like every night while after five months we were trying to get a moment.
I am stupid. I am genuinely and utterly stupid but you know what I stand by what I said. Post the damn pictures, I'll stand by them and be like 'Hell I love them' even though they make me die a little inside but he said he loved them. I'll rise up against the grain and I'll keep going after this and nothing will stop me succeeding this but damn I'm hurt. I'm ashamed to say that I hit a wall and thankfully didn't do any damage to the wall although my knuckles look a bit weird but they'll be fine. That's the last injury physical or mental I suffer from this stupidity. And seeing my poor kitty sloping around me, touching me gently with her nose every so often I know it's time to let it go. But damn, I am so hurt. It's not the age, it's the lie, it's the fact that I slept with the guy and he lied to my face. It's the fact that he's just threatened me knowing everything about my insecurities. It's the fact that the last guy cheated on me and he knows all of my issues and I feel played so very badly. I'll stop this pity party, I promised myself already. But I can't not say it and move on, even if it's just here. It hurts. It really, really hurts. And I don't want anyone to see it but it kinda has to be heard.
It hurts. And it's not the end of anything and it won't stop me but damn it hurts. I'm sorry that's all I've got lol. And I don't know why it's here but like I said it needs to be heard because I'm so far from him and I can't slap him. Lol.
Comment