who should pay for the traveling?

[~whendarknessfalls]

I'm curious to hear what ya'll think about this.

Let's say your SO had a fabulous full-time job making quite a large chunk of money. You, on the other hand, were still in college, with a little bit of money saved up, working a few hours a week, trying to make ends meet.
Now say you both decide you want to go to Florida at spring break to stay with some relatives.
Would you want him to help you pay for your $450 plane ticket? Or would you squeeze it out of your dwindling funds?

How do you all pay for your travels???

[Haley53]

Me, personally, I have an issue with allowing anyone to help me financially. However, with my income, I'm likely willing to offer to pay half or more of my partner's travel if it became necessary. The only time I let someone pay my way was when my ex wanted me to still visit after he'd ended our relationship so that we could "talk"; I told him I wasn't shelling out eight-hundred so he could break up with me in person, so he paid. In my opinion, the person with the better-paying job pays only if the person with the better-paying job offers; I don't think it's fair to ask for hand-outs based on financial differences/situation, especially since so many people make it by on a budget.

[Lissy]

With my girlfriend and I, we usually arrange it so we're each paying for half of the trip. Last month, however, I paid for my trip to see her, and in exchange, she bought my ticket to visit her for Christmas as a gift to me. We're both in college; she has a part-time job, but I don't work. I do manage to pay for trips by saving up, earning money here and there, etc., though. I wouldn't want to have her pay all the time. But if I couldn't afford a trip and she really wanted to see me, I'd let her pay for it, and vice versa.

I think it depends on the couple and their situation. As long as someone isn't being abusive in swindling money out of their partner, I don't see it as a big deal if only one person is able to pay for trips and willing to do so. However, until the relationship is very stable, I'd probably wait for that kind of arrangement.

[uniquefem]

I agree with previous comments.. depends on the couple it self.

I am on the same spot with you. My SO earn much more than me, and i also had issue when someone want to pay me for things i want--especially bf.. i just don't want anyone think i am using him! but i did talk with him, and he insist to pay all... but i just can't (thinking what on earth his family and friend think of me after that!) so what we did is, first i agree he will pay the big chunk of the airfare from Asia to Europe, but when i did visa i did my own.. and for me its huge amount of money plus i had to go to the capital city with flight with my own money. Also i pay 4 different flights--well return flights to get to Singapore, my point of departure to Europe..because i am originally from Indonesia (and its cheaper to go from Singapore)

I think its good to talk things related about money openly with your SO. If its too much for you should tell... at least giving him idea about this.

[Mara]

Personally, I always pay my way if I can. I was raised to be financially responsible of myself and that's the way I try to live my life. If a situation arises where I simply cannot afford to pay my way with my SO either I don't do whatever it is we were planning to do or I explain to him that I don't have the money and if it's something we both really want would he mind paying for me. This goes both ways however and it's not something that either of us does or asks of the other often. I think it's very easy in this type of situation to offend someone or make the other person uncomfortable especially if it's quite a bit of money.

[Engel]

If he had enough money and offered to pay for me, I would say yes and be thankful. If I had money and could afford for both of our tickets, I would offer.


Deppending on how long we are together, if someone asked me to pay something like that, I would feel a little used. Me and my SO, however, will marry, and are in a stable long term relationship. whenever one of us has more money, we pay for the other, or share expenses, if both are a little tight on money. we dont stop doing something because one of us cant afford it at the time.


That said, I have a female friend that always expects her boyfriends to pay things for her, never would she pay for her taxi, dinner, cinema ticket or anything when together. If the guy offers to pay, great, he is beig a gentleman ! but i hate women who EXPECT the man to pay for everything. if you are married or engaged or with someone for a good ammount of time, you develop a system of who pays what. but to be expecting everything handled to you? never.

[Zapookie]

Well it's really up to the two people in the relationship.

I probably wouldn't ask your SO to help you pay for it, only accept if he offers. (Unless you two have some kind of agreement for him to buy things for you)

I know that for us, we split the airfare for his first visit. He initially said no, but I didn't want him to pay for the whole thing seeing as he was coming to see me, I felt that I had to contribute otherwise it wasn't fair. Neither of us had jobs but we both had savings(I had quit my full-time job earlier in the year due to medical reasons).

Right now for the next trip, I'm not really sure. I don't have much left in savings and I haven't found a job yet, I'm also still waiting to hear back from my college to see whether I got accepted. He has found a job now but it's not full time, so things are kind of up in the air at the moment.

[milaya]

My SO and I are in that exact mentioned situation, except that I do not work a few hours a week - since I don't have a job and I'm not really struggling to make ends meet.
But, my SO has a very well paid job and I'm a university student. And pretty much from when we started dating, he insisted on paying for everything. Now he do pay pretty much everything. All flight tickets, hotels, food, half of my apartment rent etc.

It's not that I loved being paid for or anything, when we first started dating I tried to insist on paying everything myself, but according to Japanese culture the man pays so he insisted even more. Now we're married, he sees it as his responsibility as my husband to pay for anything that can be related to my "well-being" which even includes possible dental bills.
I've grown up in a country where men and women often split their expenses, so it was hard in the beginning and at rare times (after having kept on insisting) I'm allowed to pay for something myself.

I didn't want him to get the feeling that I was using him, but I've come to terms with the fact that he do wish to pay. He has also said on numerous occasions that paying for me is what makes him happy.

[Alemap]

When I do my yearly visit to my young man, I will pay.
When he comes to me, he will pay.
If, for some reason, the military doesn't let him take the leave he needs to travel to me, but he still wants to see me, so I would need to travel to him instead, having already made my yearly visit (and the subsequent expenditure)...he will pay, with the cash he would have used to fly to me.
We have discussed this at length. :-)

[Dziubka]

Like everyone says it depends on the situation and how comfortable you are with it.

I'm wouldn't be comfortable with my boyfriend paying for my holidays, if I could afford them (even if it was was difficulties). If I couldn't afford it at all, I would explain that to him and tell him I can't go because it's not in my budget. If he then insisted to pay because he can afford it effortlessly and wants to see me... I'd let him, but I'd insist on paying for smaller expenses during the trip .

I don't mind my boyfriend paying minor things for me, especially when I travel to see him (because, hello, I paid for the flight!), like dinner or my bus ticket. But even if he had a lot more money, I would probably be very uncomfortable with him paying for more expensive things.
I guess it's something you get used to and I see how refusing to let someone pay, when they really want to, can come off as rude.

I'm very happy my boyfriend and I don't have very big financial differences.

[ChibiFelicia]

The first trip he made to meet me he paid and i insisted he wouldnt be paying for food etc, unless he wanted to take me out or something. For us, in both our cultures the man should be paying. But i've never been fond of that and i made that very clear to him, he wasnt expecting that and it took quite a bit of convincing. I just prefer everything to be equal in a sense. From then on whoever paid for the flight wouldnt be paying for food etc etc. However this trip im making, he is in a very difficult situation. He has no money coming in from the army since the beginning of summer and the job situation hasnt been kind to him. I on the other hand have money so i actually paid for his rent this month and my flight and all the expenses this upcoming trip. On top of that my own bills etc. This month i will be a little tight but it's fine. I dont feel used and omg he did not like the fact that i was "helping" him.

Honestly if this kinda thing happened before we got serious etc i would not be happy about it and wouldnt offer, but now how our relationship is, how he is as a person i would be offened if he didnt accept. The way we see it now, yes we'r ein different countries and yes we aint married but our finances are not what is important. We kinda pool our money together anyway. I know im gonna be earning way more money than he is for the next few years, until he obtains his PT license but i've already told him when he gets that license, he can pay for everything then xD Wont matter anyway we'll be getting married soon.

---------- Post added at 11:15 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:14 AM ----------

The first trip he made to meet me he paid and i insisted he wouldnt be paying for food etc, unless he wanted to take me out or something. For us, in both our cultures the man should be paying. But i've never been fond of that and i made that very clear to him, he wasnt expecting that and it took quite a bit of convincing. I just prefer everything to be equal in a sense. From then on whoever paid for the flight wouldnt be paying for food etc etc. However this trip im making, he is in a very difficult situation. He has no money coming in from the army since the beginning of summer and the job situation hasnt been kind to him. I on the other hand have money so i actually paid for his rent this month and my flight and all the expenses this upcoming trip. On top of that my own bills etc. This month i will be a little tight but it's fine. I dont feel used and omg he did not like the fact that i was "helping" him.

Honestly if this kinda thing happened before we got serious etc i would not be happy about it and wouldnt offer, but now how our relationship is, how he is as a person i would be offened if he didnt accept. The way we see it now, yes we'r ein different countries and yes we aint married but our finances are not what is important. We kinda pool our money together anyway. I know im gonna be earning way more money than he is for the next few years, until he obtains his PT license but i've already told him when he gets that license, he can pay for everything then xD Wont matter anyway we'll be getting married soon.

[floridaellen]

My SO has visited me in Florida once. He lives on his own and struggles. My parents pay for me (I live at a house they own and they pay for my food and gas) while I'm attending university. I paid for his plane ticket (although it was only $200) from my savings because I haven't been able to find a job. He paid for everything while we were here (dinner and little presents). So we essentially split it.

[lucybelle]

I wouldn't feel comfortable with asking for my SO to buy my plane ticket. Even now that we're pretty serious and have been living together. If I needed help with money, I'd ask to BORROW money and repay him if I really couldn't manage it on my own. I live pretty frugally and I know how to cut corners to get things I want.

When we traveled, whoever bought the plane ticket didn't buy anything at the location. So when he came to visit me, he bought his plane ticket, but I paid for the B&B and dinners, etc. When I visited him, I bought my ticket and he paid for room and board. I think that's fair.

Oh and to add-- if you can't afford a trip to FL, I suggest that you plan a trip you can afford. He should be sensitive to your situation and be able to suggest another trip.

[kteire]

Ehh, right now, my SO has paid for all of my flights... I just moved over to the UK and had only one job prospect (that didn't pan out), so I have zero money. And he insisted that I borrow money from him to pay my rent this month, sigh. So right now, he's been paying, but before I moved over, we each had well-paying jobs and could pay our own way. I intend to pay him back for all of it once I have a job (interview wednesday, woo!) but until then, it's better that than not seeing each other!

[sarahrosestevey]

We take turn about at travelling - he will visit me, then I will visit him, then vice versa. We just pay for ourselves, seeing as it's pretty much 50/50. One weekend he came up here and just surprised me, which was amazing, but knowing how much he had spent (we are both still students/working part time) I paid him back for half of the flights. I know he would do the same for me also.