who should pay for the traveling?

[trusthemusic]

I'm in college and I don't have a job, I have no money to spend at all. He makes enough to be able to pay to fly me out there but I feel awful that I can't pay any of it, but if he doesn't pay we don't get to see each other. How do I deal with this situation?

[sweetshay]

Maybe you could build up as much as you can, ask parents for what they can contribute, and have him meet you half way? or 1/4 of the way, because him paying for his and yours is a lot.

[ioanna]

it is very often that you find different incomes within a couple..
with my SO and I, it's the same, he makes a lot more than i do. when we travel, we each pitch in what we can afford for the whole trip. sometimes we split paying for different items, for instance he pays the tickets+ hotels, I pay for food and activities... figuring out how to deal with this is a great exercise for later

[Kerry]

I've paid for all of my traveling expenses and my fiance will have to pay for all of his.

[goalie_girl34]

For my last trip I was very fortunate to have my grandmother and father help me finance it, and I paid the full amount. The problem is that both of us are pretty strapped for cash. The easier thing for me is that I dont have to pay for rent, and a lot of my food. I still live with my mother, but on the other hand I work part time and go to school and I pay for a lot of other things like gas, some food, cell phone, auto insurance and bills, toiletries and essentials. I have little to no spare money. He is an unsigned semi-pro athlete who gets a small stipend from his team and works other part time jobs when he can to make money. Then again he has to pay for all his rent, food, gas, utilities, cell phone and all those things. He has no family to help him and his work schedule is at the mercy of his team schedule. Neither of us has any idea how the next visit will get paid for or which one of us is going where.

I think our strategy is just whoever gets the money first will pay for the visit, and right now thats looking like me again. But its not like I mind, if I can see him I will be ecstatic. We both make financial sacrifices for each other and do as much as we can. I know it will probably be harder on him financially for at least a little bit when I first move in, and its going to be harder for me while I try and save for something over spring break. Right now its not too big of an issue between us though because its not like either one has more money than the other. We're mutually poor. But it reminds me of a conversation I had with a coworker the other day. She was talking about her new boyfriend of 6 days and how she called him her sugar daddy because he liked to give her lots of spending money. I told her "My boyfriend and I are both cash poor, but love rich." Being as shallow as she is I was not surprised at the confused look I recieved back. I told my SO about this conversation and he said, "That's right and I would rather live under a bridge with you than in a mansion without you." Then he laughed and said "But dont worry, we wont be living under a bridge." lol, gosh I love him.

[keminlove]

In our situation we pay for planes tickets by ourselves and we help each other out once we're together.
I like to pay for myself just because I like having such a large amount paid for on my behalf, it makes me
feel kinda weird. For others it works, just know if you have to pay it back or not, in my case I would want
to pay it back.

[Sharon Q]

Lat time I saw my SO I paid for the trip and his family let me stay with him. This time however it looks as if we may have to both pay for it and even then we may not have enough. I'm currently looking for a job and so is he. But I don't want him doing a job and college I'm afraid he may be pushing himself too hard but if he can handel it fine and everything then I'm okay with it.

Yes I'm doing school as well but I'm doing trade school wich is less work then college. I tend to have a lot of free time.

[maja]

We usually pay for our plane tickets for ourselves, but my SO helped me out once I didn't have any money, and I have payed for one of his trips before as well, and we didnt pay each other back, it has never been an issue either
I didnt like him paying for it, but I really really wanted to see him and he obviously wanted to see me, so it was a rather secondary issue..

[SquishyLove]

My SO and I are in that exact mentioned situation, except that I do not work a few hours a week - since I don't have a job and I'm not really struggling to make ends meet.
But, my SO has a very well paid job and I'm a university student. And pretty much from when we started dating, he insisted on paying for everything. Now he do pay pretty much everything. All flight tickets, hotels, food, half of my apartment rent etc.

It's not that I loved being paid for or anything, when we first started dating I tried to insist on paying everything myself, but according to Japanese culture the man pays so he insisted even more. Now we're married, he sees it as his responsibility as my husband to pay for anything that can be related to my "well-being" which even includes possible dental bills.
I've grown up in a country where men and women often split their expenses, so it was hard in the beginning and at rare times (after having kept on insisting) I'm allowed to pay for something myself.

I didn't want him to get the feeling that I was using him, but I've come to terms with the fact that he do wish to pay. He has also said on numerous occasions that paying for me is what makes him happy.

It's like this in a lot of cultures (Russian included, which is where my fiance is from), so there is no "right or wrong" about this issue. I think it depends on the couple and what arrangement they feel comfortable making. I do have the opinion that if one person always expects the other to pay, it's not exactly fair. However, if one person is able to and comfortable with paying, and both people in the couple are comfortable with it, there is nothing wrong with that.

[Josephine Falnor]

I think it's just one of those things that you have to figure out with your SO, you know? I know a few people here have talked about one of them paying more because they had a better job. In me and my SO's case, neither of us have much money (we have enough, but it's not like one of us has tons more than the other), so we both try to pay for our own trips, and once we're there, the other helps out with expenses. Sometimes we help each other though. For Christmas, I bought my SO plane tickets as a gift. We just kind of figure it out as we need to. I think the important thing is being open about money with your SO, particularly when it comes to traveling. Again, back to the Christmas example, I was going to buy her return ticket too, but it ended up being more than I thought it would, so she helped pay for that. Plus she helps with my gas when she's here, since I have to drive two hours to pick her up, and I pay for my own gas.

Sorry that this is getting a little long winded. ^^;; To make it short, be open about communicating with your SO when it comes to money. Figure out a plan for paying for trips that works for both of you.

[Sora1101]

My SO has quite a bit of money and I never have very much at all, I mean it literally takes me a year to save up $500 and yet we still split everything equally, I pay for the hotel, food, entertainment, and he pays for the plane ticket so we each spend around $400. My friends think this is horribly unfair to me but the way I see it it's not like he's the only one that wants to see me so why should he be the only one to pay for it? If he needs my help paying for stuff you bet I will if it means being able to see him. I could care less if I had to pay for all of it even with the little money I have, he's worth it to me. Who cares if he makes more money than I do, he works hard for that money and if he would rather save it for when we close the distance or on video games or what ever rather than spend it on a visit it's his choice.

[Yaaamiii]

It depends on each couple, but my SO and I go halfsies on our trips. We figured it was only fair. :P

[rsvpnj]

My SO earns a lot more than I do. I am a single mom and airfare is a luxury that I can't usually afford.

He usually pays for our trips... both his travel and mine. Honestly, I hate it... its makes me feel shameful but I suck that up and turn it into gratitude because he can and will pay for it... if it wasn't for that, we would never see each other.

[SDPersona]

In our situation, we each try to contribute, but it's harder on me because I'm in college. He on the other hand is both working and studying. So he offered to help me if I have trouble with expenses while he's with me traveling. It's nice of him, but I'm hoping he won't have to and I manage just fine.

[DemonxOisin]

This is just my personal example, but I usually pay for trips, and he puts what he can in.

My SO is in University now, and has like, insane expenses. His parents give him a reasonable amount of spending money, but not enough to buy a plane ticket. So I usually pay for the plane ticket, and if I go there, he pays for my food and stuff, or if he comes here, he'll pay me back like 1-200 hundred $$... (Bearing in mind that a flight for us costs around 5-700$).

This is with the understanding that one day I'm going to be the starving university student, and he's going to be a rich-ass engineer. We just assume that one day he'll find a way to pay me back. (Which is probably only a good idea if the 2 partners know they are going to be together for a decent amount of time.)

But yeah, that's just what we've worked out.