Although this is my first time posting, I'd like to say I'm glad I was able to find this forum, it's helped a lot in my LDR.
If this story is a bit long for anyone, read this, its gist of the story:My SO and I used to text, skype, facebook message, and talk on the phone for hours and hours all the time, when she was stuck at home and could'nt hang out with friends or leave (because of her parents being crazy). Now that she's living with her best friend (also a girl) and that family, we haven't skyped since I made my last visit to her 3 weeks ago (and only once in the preceding two weeks), talk on the phone maybe once every other day for five minutes tops, where she barely pays attention, and text half a dozen times a day, tops (and she ignores my attempts to start conversations). The only time she seems to want to text me is when its late at night when everybody else she knows is presumably asleep, even though I text her nice things all day (she is the type to need reassurance). Am I being too needy?
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That said, I'd like an outside opinion on my current situation, or any advice on if maybe I'm acting a little too needy? After typing it, it's turned into a bit of a long story, but if anyone has time, I'd really really appreciate the advice as I'm still new to, and slightly insecure about my LDR.
My SO and I have been talking for 6 years, off and on; and we're both 20. About a year or so ago, we began talking more frequently and more in depth about everything. We became close and I made my first trip out to meet her at the beginning of October. Before we met up the first time, we would talk on the phone for hours almost every single night. We'd skype until early morning, IM every chance we got, text most of the day, etc.
When we met and everything went perfectly, we decided that we both could be committed to a LDR and that it was worth it to be together. After that first week together when I returned home, we still skyped most nights for a few hours, talked on the phone for a few hours at least every other day, and texted very frequently.
Her mother (who she lived with at the time of my first visit) got abusive and controlling and long story short, about a week before my second visit little over a month and a half later, my SO moved out (or up and left is more accurate) and was taken in by her ex and his parents. Now, I knew she had no interest in him so it didn't much bother me at the time, however when she was there for the week or so before I visited (which we were both admittedly nervous about a second visit) we didn't skype once for the entire time, talked on the phone for 20 minutes maybe twice, and she barely texted me at all.
When I finally drove to see her, I picked her up, never met the guy (I was told he was afraid to meet me), and she stayed with me at the hotel I booked for the entire week I was there (which she wasn't able to the first time). Nothing went wrong the entire time, and as I'm sure you've all experienced after time apart, it was a perfect week.
However; while I was there her ex proceeded to post things on her facebook, commenting on her pictures saying she looked gorgeous, teasing her on her wall, writing 'i miss you' on her wall, etc. She didn't respond back and was actually very annoyed and ignored his texts the entire time we were together.
The reason I bring her response to that up is: she didn't exactly say no, or that he was out of line TO him, as she hates conflict. And he is not the only guy who does those things. She constantly has guys commenting on her facebook wall or pictures or sending her messages hitting on her and she always responds nicely, never says its inappropriate, or even really says no, she usually ignores the comment that was inappropriate and starts talking about something else.
None of this in itself bothers me, I understand her wanting to avoid conflict (I'm kind of the same way, although I shut down any flirtatious attempts by girls, out of respect for my SO) and eventually (as far as I know) they usually leave her alone after ignoring them enough.
When I left after this last visit, my SO decided it was a good idea to move out of her ex's parents place, and in with her best friend and her parents; needless to say, this removed a lot of tension in our relationship.
The problem, and what I need advice on/about is: now that she lives with her best friend (also a girl), we don't ever skype anymore at all. We haven't since I made the second trip to see her almost 3 weeks ago. We also rarely talk on the phone, and when we do it's usually for 5 minutes or so when her friend is busy doing something else; and half the time we're on the phone she spends laughing and talking to her friend and not actually talking to me (although at this point, I'm happy to just hear her voice). We texted fairly often at first, but now whenever they leave the house to go do anything, I'll get a text every other hour that's only a few words long, if that.
Our frequency of communication was admittedly a LOT before, and I know most LDR's shouldn't expect NONSTOP contact, but she doesn't currently have a job or any responsibilities (not in school this semester), so it was the norm for us. However, I am busy with BOTH of those things, and still manage to text her and try to call her to talk, etc.
We were also really big about leaving each other nice long facebook messages every once in a while about some topic (usually kind of a sensitive/deep subject, or about our relationship and our hopes, dreams, fears, etc.), and we'd answer back within a few days to the other persons message. I've tried to keep this going but the messages I send don't get an answer or even acknowledgment even though she is still posting on peoples walls and it's obvious she's SEEN the message.
She's apologized to me that she's been too 'busy' and 'stressed' to really talk as much anymore (which I know she has been stressed, and sick on top of that), and says she feels bad, which I do want to believe, but it's hard too sometimes. Am i being unreasonable? I feel like the only time she wants to talk to me (or that we text frequently) is when she has nothing else going on, like I'm a last resort.
I've brought this up before a while back and she was super apologetic and almost in tears on the phone saying she would never want to make me feel that way, etc. I know she cares about me, but she's also the really flirtatious type and she's told me (before we were in a LDR) about all the guys she messages online or texts (and even texted a bunch of people pretty consistently when we'd hang out when i visited).
To top it all off, I was messaging her best friend the other day for her opinion on my christmas gift ideas for my SO, and how often we talked got brought up and she was absolutely surprised that we didn't text more when I told her we don't talk a lot nowadays. I asked why and she said that my SO was almost constantly on her phone.
The only time I get messages or texts consistently back from her is when it's getting later at night and she's not doing anything at a time when everyone else is usually in bed, that's also the only time I get the "sweet" texts or "lovey" texts anymore either. I bombard her all day with how gorgeous she is, how thankful I am for her, etc. because she's the type that needs reassurance (which I'm fine with, and love doing for her), but nowadays I don't get anything in return. Even when i try to start a conversation about something through text, I'll get a short answer and then she'll stop the conversation in its tracks.
I apologize for the length of this, it's a long story and obviously complicated. I would appreciate advice, I don't know if I'm being unreasonable. Do I need to just relax and trust her and chalk what her friend said up to just exaggerating? Am I asking too much to want to talk on the phone for a half hour here and there even though she's with her friend (they sleep in the same room too)? Should "I" stop texting her as much and see if she's just gotten comfortable with getting texts from me, and maybe she'll start texting me more?
If this story is a bit long for anyone, read this, its gist of the story:My SO and I used to text, skype, facebook message, and talk on the phone for hours and hours all the time, when she was stuck at home and could'nt hang out with friends or leave (because of her parents being crazy). Now that she's living with her best friend (also a girl) and that family, we haven't skyped since I made my last visit to her 3 weeks ago (and only once in the preceding two weeks), talk on the phone maybe once every other day for five minutes tops, where she barely pays attention, and text half a dozen times a day, tops (and she ignores my attempts to start conversations). The only time she seems to want to text me is when its late at night when everybody else she knows is presumably asleep, even though I text her nice things all day (she is the type to need reassurance). Am I being too needy?
-----------------------------------------------
That said, I'd like an outside opinion on my current situation, or any advice on if maybe I'm acting a little too needy? After typing it, it's turned into a bit of a long story, but if anyone has time, I'd really really appreciate the advice as I'm still new to, and slightly insecure about my LDR.
My SO and I have been talking for 6 years, off and on; and we're both 20. About a year or so ago, we began talking more frequently and more in depth about everything. We became close and I made my first trip out to meet her at the beginning of October. Before we met up the first time, we would talk on the phone for hours almost every single night. We'd skype until early morning, IM every chance we got, text most of the day, etc.
When we met and everything went perfectly, we decided that we both could be committed to a LDR and that it was worth it to be together. After that first week together when I returned home, we still skyped most nights for a few hours, talked on the phone for a few hours at least every other day, and texted very frequently.
Her mother (who she lived with at the time of my first visit) got abusive and controlling and long story short, about a week before my second visit little over a month and a half later, my SO moved out (or up and left is more accurate) and was taken in by her ex and his parents. Now, I knew she had no interest in him so it didn't much bother me at the time, however when she was there for the week or so before I visited (which we were both admittedly nervous about a second visit) we didn't skype once for the entire time, talked on the phone for 20 minutes maybe twice, and she barely texted me at all.
When I finally drove to see her, I picked her up, never met the guy (I was told he was afraid to meet me), and she stayed with me at the hotel I booked for the entire week I was there (which she wasn't able to the first time). Nothing went wrong the entire time, and as I'm sure you've all experienced after time apart, it was a perfect week.
However; while I was there her ex proceeded to post things on her facebook, commenting on her pictures saying she looked gorgeous, teasing her on her wall, writing 'i miss you' on her wall, etc. She didn't respond back and was actually very annoyed and ignored his texts the entire time we were together.
The reason I bring her response to that up is: she didn't exactly say no, or that he was out of line TO him, as she hates conflict. And he is not the only guy who does those things. She constantly has guys commenting on her facebook wall or pictures or sending her messages hitting on her and she always responds nicely, never says its inappropriate, or even really says no, she usually ignores the comment that was inappropriate and starts talking about something else.
None of this in itself bothers me, I understand her wanting to avoid conflict (I'm kind of the same way, although I shut down any flirtatious attempts by girls, out of respect for my SO) and eventually (as far as I know) they usually leave her alone after ignoring them enough.
When I left after this last visit, my SO decided it was a good idea to move out of her ex's parents place, and in with her best friend and her parents; needless to say, this removed a lot of tension in our relationship.
The problem, and what I need advice on/about is: now that she lives with her best friend (also a girl), we don't ever skype anymore at all. We haven't since I made the second trip to see her almost 3 weeks ago. We also rarely talk on the phone, and when we do it's usually for 5 minutes or so when her friend is busy doing something else; and half the time we're on the phone she spends laughing and talking to her friend and not actually talking to me (although at this point, I'm happy to just hear her voice). We texted fairly often at first, but now whenever they leave the house to go do anything, I'll get a text every other hour that's only a few words long, if that.
Our frequency of communication was admittedly a LOT before, and I know most LDR's shouldn't expect NONSTOP contact, but she doesn't currently have a job or any responsibilities (not in school this semester), so it was the norm for us. However, I am busy with BOTH of those things, and still manage to text her and try to call her to talk, etc.
We were also really big about leaving each other nice long facebook messages every once in a while about some topic (usually kind of a sensitive/deep subject, or about our relationship and our hopes, dreams, fears, etc.), and we'd answer back within a few days to the other persons message. I've tried to keep this going but the messages I send don't get an answer or even acknowledgment even though she is still posting on peoples walls and it's obvious she's SEEN the message.
She's apologized to me that she's been too 'busy' and 'stressed' to really talk as much anymore (which I know she has been stressed, and sick on top of that), and says she feels bad, which I do want to believe, but it's hard too sometimes. Am i being unreasonable? I feel like the only time she wants to talk to me (or that we text frequently) is when she has nothing else going on, like I'm a last resort.
I've brought this up before a while back and she was super apologetic and almost in tears on the phone saying she would never want to make me feel that way, etc. I know she cares about me, but she's also the really flirtatious type and she's told me (before we were in a LDR) about all the guys she messages online or texts (and even texted a bunch of people pretty consistently when we'd hang out when i visited).
To top it all off, I was messaging her best friend the other day for her opinion on my christmas gift ideas for my SO, and how often we talked got brought up and she was absolutely surprised that we didn't text more when I told her we don't talk a lot nowadays. I asked why and she said that my SO was almost constantly on her phone.
The only time I get messages or texts consistently back from her is when it's getting later at night and she's not doing anything at a time when everyone else is usually in bed, that's also the only time I get the "sweet" texts or "lovey" texts anymore either. I bombard her all day with how gorgeous she is, how thankful I am for her, etc. because she's the type that needs reassurance (which I'm fine with, and love doing for her), but nowadays I don't get anything in return. Even when i try to start a conversation about something through text, I'll get a short answer and then she'll stop the conversation in its tracks.
I apologize for the length of this, it's a long story and obviously complicated. I would appreciate advice, I don't know if I'm being unreasonable. Do I need to just relax and trust her and chalk what her friend said up to just exaggerating? Am I asking too much to want to talk on the phone for a half hour here and there even though she's with her friend (they sleep in the same room too)? Should "I" stop texting her as much and see if she's just gotten comfortable with getting texts from me, and maybe she'll start texting me more?
oh, and Welcome!
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