Advice.....getting married

[Caitlin2009]

Now here in Connecticut you can get married, and Denise had the idea to do that when she comes over here in August. Now in my heart were already married we just live apart at the moment, And i do wanna marry her for real but i am scared because that is taking the hugest leap ive ever taken, I wanna marry her but i dont know if its too soon to do that or not. I dont wanna do that and then regret it later because it was too soon? I dunno, any tips, advice? should we should we wait?

[folclor]

I would suggest you waiting until y'all move to be together, not on a visit. That's my personal opinion. Also, I'd say wait 2 or 3 years before marriage but...some people don't, so it's really up to you, but my advice is to wait until y'all move in together or can at least be in the same country for more than a couple months.

[agentholli]

hell, I wish my SO would come for a visit and marry...but he won't. I say follow your heart. If you know you are going to be spending the rest of your life with her, why wait?

[Darth_Taco]

I suggest you wait, and get premarital counseling. I recommend that for any couple getting married. Marriage is a huge step. Divorce isn't that simple either here in the US. It's expensive, it's inconvenient for everyone, it's trying to restore your credit rating afterwards, it's splitting freakin everything, it's just a pain in the ass. And again, property and whatnot. You're safer with a prenup. It doesn't mean you don't love or trust them, it means you're smart. You don't drive around without insurance on your car, right? Then why make an even bigger commitment like marriage without any form of security?

I must mention counseling again! You never know what you might and might not agree on. You might not known what things are a huge deal until it's too late and you're stuck with her until you can afford a divorce lawyer. Ultimately it's up to you, but marriage will always be a huge step, even if it's just to sneak your illegal immigrant cousin into the country (cousin marriage is legal in many states, including California :P).

Please, please, please, please think this through. Even if you're meant to be together for the rest of your lives, there is a such thing as getting married too soon.

[Caitlin2009]

yeah i know! i am thinking it through, heh.....part of me thinks its a great idea because we know were meant to be together, the other part of me is telling me its too soon and to wait until were under the same roof in the same city! arrrg i dont know.....

[Rach321]

I would definitely try to wait until your first visit. Although you can talk about things and know each other through and through, there may be things about how you go about your daily lives that you might not realize. Not that it would keep you from being happily married, but I do believe marriage is something to be carefully considered, even outside of how much you love the person.

Something else to consider is immigration laws. I read a story on facebook where a couple (he was in the U.S., she in France) got married and then she tried to move to the U.S. but was denied a visa. It took several years for them to sort it out. It's probably safer to apply for a fiancee visa first. Just because you are married doesn't mean the government will not suspect that something fishy (like getting married just to get one of the parties a greencard) is not happening. It's a rare case that there are problems, but it is better to be on the safe side and be sure all of your t's are crossed and i's are dotted. Getting married on a first trip to see each other might raise some red flags.

I hate to think this might be a problem (because it should never be) but do federal immigration laws follow the marriage laws of the state??? I really, really hope so. But it's something to look into if you haven't already.

[Zephii]

If you're ment to be together, you have the whole rest of your lives to get married There's no hurry!

[garnet]

I wouldn't do it on your first meeting. Just get to know the flesh and blood girl you love this first time. Maybe next time you can take it farther. JMO!

[MadMolly]

If you're ment to be together, you have the whole rest of your lives to get married There's no hurry!

Exactly!

[Alisz]

Yeah, I echo what Zephii said. You've got plenty of time to get married. ^^ Ray thinks the same way. We both love each other and we know we're going to be together for a long time, so marriage wouldn't change anything in that aspect. I think it's also worth it to wait. Not only because she's just visiting and you'll still be physically apart and that just sounds like a sucky situation. But I think waiting allows you to go through some relationship experiences that will help strengthen your bond before all the marriage stuff.

[Caitlin2009]

Yeah thats why im gonna tell her i wanna wait, because i at least wanna be under the same roof in the same city as her before i do any of that! Yesturday she did tell me we didnt have to right away and if i wanted to wait then that was fine to Trust me i want to, and i feel we already are anyway but legally i wanna wait until were under the same roof and until things get settled

[Mio]

I think that you should both do what you would like to do, everybody see things differently, and things works differently for everybody. I have seen couples that get married very soon and it doesn't work out, or couples that get married very soon and live happily ever after. And I've seen couples that marry after soooome time, and then divorce, and couples that get married after soooome time and live happily ever after. You can not determine the sucess of your relationship based on the succes or failure of the other relationships. Talk it tru with her, look at all the angles, and make a decision when you are ready, maybe you can make the decision while she is there in CT, that will give you some time (but juszt in case make sure she brings the right documents, so if you decide to do it you wouldn't hassle about papers) Best wishes girl!

[Caitlin2009]

I did talk to her about it a few hours ago, and were going with our original plan which was to wait until everything is at least kinda settled and were under the same roof, as i told her i dont wanna jeopardize her being able to get a visa because we got married sooner, and i dont wanna fuck up what we have because we rushed into it. So we will defiantly wait until were basically living under the same roof