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I wish I had something good to say...

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    I wish I had something good to say...

    I truly wish I had some good news. Considering that he does sincerely seem depressed having lost interest in his usual, I felt like I would give my last shot but I'm starting to truly feel like its a lost cause. I'm starting to feel like perhaps I am a fool for holding on to what glimpses I thought were real love such as his dedication to spending most of his free time with me, though I don't ask for it. The argument itself, I wouldn't judge as anything too serious/or a big deal but the fact that it seemed to originate from nothing, really makes me feel like he is just trying to push me away, till I break up with HIM. I know in the previous thread someone did mention that he could be too coward to break up due to having to deal with the Br CA issue which thank goodness is cleared ^_^ but maybe he is, but not for that reason. Just last night he said that the relationship has been really draining as it seems that esp. for the past week I've constantly tried to communicate the issues I feel we have and need to work on, and he said it's like a broken record. He listens, and so far the only thing he's done is suggest we play scrabble since I like that. He's been extremely tired because of work, and he said that things have been feeling off and that since he's unhappy, he just simply doesn't care to do the things to improve the relationship and said I should make him happy. The past week I haven't been able to be happy just because I seriously get the impression that he just doesn't care and I'm waiting for it to be his turn to try to carry the relationship. I really did want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't a jerk, or self-absorbed or just too immature for an adult relationship.

    I understood that he has limited time (like approx 4-5hrs hrs M-F and all weekend) and I was spending it with him though slightly distracted by Adobe, working on a comic strip to cheer him up. He often delays in response too when he is doing something else. I even told him it was a surprise. I felt like I could just multi-task as he does. My response was literally a minute apart instead of the usual instant-response one time in the entire convo, and he said he felt something was off then my msg was instant. He said that he felt like I was "there" but not really, that the conversation lacked substance and just thought I'd be as eager to talk to him and that I'd miss him just as much as he missed me. Well I was eager to talk to him and missed him just as much. He even implied that maybe I was lying about working on Adobe, and really talking to someone else, knowing he'd be mad that my attention wasn't all on him. I just thought it was quite ridiculous that he got upset after I said that he's being silly. Silly for thinking something was "off" when I was even joking with him, to keep things cheery and insisting somethings "off" despite me saying that I was perfectly happy and responding as I normally would. And silly for getting upset that I'm working on a project for him and continuing to be mad when I said I'll set the project aside and asked him what he wanted to do. I just never thought someone would be mad when you say you're working on a surprise for them, still managing to respond normally as you would. He just said I did that because he pointed it out. Also said my reasoning was baffling and inconsiderate and ******ed.


    I suppose I am simply wondering what do you guys think? Am I in the wrong or being inconsiderate/insensitive?

    #2
    I know it's hard, but I think you guys need to take some time apart to allow him to sort his head out, and for you both to get a chance to really miss each other.
    My reccommendation would be a couple of weeks with no contact. It sounds insane, but I firmly believe in the power of giving people space to think about what's really bothering them - and you can't do that when you're making each other tense all the time, so a period of no conversation may be just what you need to help you both understand what's wrong for each of you, and, if it can be fixed, how to go about doing so. If nothing else, the distance should at give you space to relax, so that you can come back to each other less tightly wound.
    I really do think this is the best advice I could give you, in this situation.
    And no, I don't think you're inconsiderate or insensitive - I think you're just rubbing each other up the wrong way, and that's why you need to both retreat for a while and give yourselves a chance to chill out.

    Comment


      #3
      maybe he was just having a stressful day and felt like he needed your whole attention?

      those things happen in relationships. Hope it gets better.
      our story.

      sigpic

      02.02.2012 - When we got married and closed the distance once and for all

      "If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse."

      Comment


        #4
        @ Alemap: He certainly made me feel like I was being insensitive. I do agree that we're really rubbing each other the wrong way and he said that all I do is stress him out, and drain him. I'm certainly not happy whatsoever. He stopped responding in the conversation after I said, "Can we stop getting caught up in an argument? Can you just let it go?" Later I MSGed him and he said he was over it and that he just doesn't care to talk to me. He said that we're both unhappy so maybe we're no good for each other and he will not fight for me. He simply just doesn't care...It's always been like that when he's upset. He doesn't care about me or the relationship, it's the way he copes with life and it's transferred into the relationship. I'm feeling that we won't be able to get over this one because I don't think its good for him that I am stressing him out, nor is it fair to me to be with someone who clearly just doesn't care to save the relationship.

        @ Engel: He is definitely stressed but I just was so taken aback that he'd be upset that I was working a surprise for HIM and I set it aside when he said he felt I was being off. He always wants my full attention but it is totally okay when he is multi-tasking such as checking his email and responding every few minutes. I don't get upset, I just be like what's up. But the moment I don't respond for two minutes, he will want to leave the conversation and it's always been like that regardless of his job. He will think I just don't care to focus on him.

        Comment


          #5
          Pineapplebun, given what you've just said, I'm inclined to agree with you.
          I'm really sorry.
          *hugs*

          Comment


            #6
            @Alemap: Thanks *hugs back* I think ATM my mind's kind of made up, but my heart certainly isn't. And I've never had to break up with someone before and he was my friend prior to so I'm sad to lose his friendship and sad to see something beautiful fall apart. It's a big step so I'm really hesitant even though I know that I'd be a fool to stay because despite his sweet words and some changes on his part, he was either not ready for an adult relationship or that unfortunately for my sake, I never got to see how he'd go out of his way for me like a man who treats his girl like a princess/queen haha xD however you put it.

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