Is it easier to be LD if you have never been CD?

[Jezah]

I ask because I just had to say goodbye to my beloved HBB after 2 months together. He is now back in the UK and I am slowly adjusting, and by slowly I mean SLOWLY. It was so bad a few times these past 3 days I doubted our relationship, questioning if I was really strong enough to last 7 months without him. If I could actually do this again, 3 more times before we will live together. I decided that yes, I can, because a guy like him only comes around once in a lifetime. He is perfection, and I have never loved anyone more.

Now to the question. Me and HBB started off online, just skype friends who fell in love. We never touched each other, never kissed or had anything IRL. Then he visited and now that he left...omg it is so much harder! Things that used to satisfy me, like a long talk and some frisky time on cam....just barely take the edge off of the missing. When we were online only we thought these 2 months would make it easier to last, because we would have memories to look back on and remember. Now I think I was wrong, has anyone else experienced this? LD is easier it seems, when you don't know what you are missing

[Zapookie]

I would say yes, it was a lot harder for us after we had finally met each other and been in each others space for 3 months straight.

Prior to us meeting, it was a lot easier for me if I didn't get to skype with him a few days in a row or didn't get the opportunity to talk to him. But after meeting each other... I know what I'm missing now and it's hard.

I knew it was going to be tougher once we had met. We both did. But we wanted to be able to finally see, touch, smell each other so badly that it didn't even matter. In a way though, a visit just fuels the fire. And sure starting off LD is definitely easier, but love isn't easy. Distance isn't easy. Life itself isn't always easy. But we fight for what we love, and love perseveres through everything.

Finally seeing my SO cemented our love and feelings for each other, and we know that this is what we want. Even if it takes years, we'll still do it because we know what's waiting for us on the other side and that love is > distance.

Keep your chin up. It gets better as time passes. It's really easy to start thinking negatively, but don't let that overshadow everything that you know is in store for you.

[kiara_silver]

I would say it is so much harder. I can relate to this so well. My SO and I met online, and spent 2 years in love over the distance. And sure it was hard there were some struggles along the way but it wasn't unbearable. They he finally came. We met for the first time and it was amazing! So natural and just confirmed all our feelings and made us stronger. He was here for 2 months. And it flew by so fast. Now he is back in the UK and it will be a total of 9 months before we see each other again. I have 4 more months left. And it has been so much harder. I won't lie. Before it was hard, now it feels unbearable. I didn't know that it would feel different. But even so, it's possible. Remembering the memories, looking through pictures, videos and having a countdown helps me. I wish I could say there's a quick fix to make it easier. But there isn't really. But you know now exactly what your waiting for, and why it's worth the wait, who is worth the struggle. That keeps me going to, knowing that at the end of the wait I get to be with my SO. It's hard, but hang in there!

[Alemap]

My SO started off CD, and last week he had to fly to America for a four year posting, so we'll be LD for that long, with visits every six months.
I actually am dealing really well, when I compare a lot of the posts I see here to what I'm feeling, but it's very early days so who know what's in store?
I have faith in our ability to withstand this. I know him, have held him, have made love with him and I know we're strong. But his physical absence is difficult for me, it's true. I personally can't imagine falling in love with someone I'd never met, but I guess if the beginning status for one's relationship was LD, it would be less painful than CD having to go LD. Because there's no real 'loss', presumably, in an LDR that has always been an LDR, because separation is the status quo, but a CDR where circumstances force the participants apart and into an LDR, there is a very clear reality of losing each other's physical presence, which previously they had had.

[squirrelz15]

I agree, it seems to get harder after you spend time LD. Even when my SO only came home for a week, it's made the 3 weeks apart(which I know isn't long at all) even harder. We knew each other in person before we started dating though. But our relationship technically started LD, and the first few weeks weren't so bad because in some ways it didn't seem real to me. The only thing I really find that helps is talking to him, and keeping busy.

[lucybelle]

I do think it's harder. My SO and I met in person, and were unofficial for a long time while LD. During our LD span, we had never spent a long time with each other. Just dates while we were in the same country and two 5-6 day visits. So it wasn't super super tough for me. After closing the distance, even a 3 day trip out of the country to renew my visa makes me miss the crap out of him. Though I do feel like after a month or two, you do get back into the LD swing of things.

[Engel]

To keep it simple:


Yes, LD becomes harder once you have been CD. But it is worthy it.

[Rugger]

My SO and I started off CD. We went to the same college and became LD when we graduated. It was extremely hard to become LD after spending so much time together. I don't know if it would be considered harder seeing as we started together

[Haley53]

Yes, I imagine it becomes harder, quite simply because everything changes. When you start out LD, you're aware of what you're in for. You're already aware of how your relationship works when presented with a distance situation. Regardless of how long a visit may or may not be, you still started with a LD dynamic and so it's somewhat easier. I'm not saying it's easy for anyone - spending a significant amount of time with someone, going from LD to CD for x-amount of time, and then back to LD again is difficult - but for me, I think relationships that started out as close-distance find more of a challenge in adjusting to the distance and my guess would be that there are more challenges for a LD couple going from LD to CD/moving in together than there would be for a CD couple moving in together. I don't feel distance is easy for anyone, but I think it's harder to shake the foundation of something when it started LD, i.e. even through a visit. And this is coming from someone whose relationships have always started out LD.

[carolynred]

I wouldn't say its "harder" in terms of the relationship, its just harder emotionally at some points. My SO and I started about CD for about a month and a half before I had to go to college. I think that being CD helped to fortify us for a LDR though. We already knew how to communicate with one another and such. It only became difficult because we missed one another like crazy. Its the emotional stuff that gets me more than to have the LDR itself. We always talk and communicate, which is always the best way to keep things stable when emotions are flying all over the place. I'm glad we started CD though, I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Sora1101]

I definitely think it's harder, starting out online means that you don't know what it's like to be with them and then once they come and leave you know what you're missing and what you could be having. The first year of my relationship I had a hard time waiting, or at least I thought it was a hard time, and then we finally met and then I had to wait another full year to meet him again, that's when I truly learned how painful waiting was. For weeks after he was gone I'd catch glimpses of him out of the corner of my eye and it was like I could almost hear him talking in the background, waiting through that was torture more torture than when I didn't know what it was like to really be with him.

[Bethypoo]

I think it depends. I mean, if you dont know what you are missing when you have never been CD then it isnt that hard. But when you have been CD for anything more than i would say 2 weeks (though it still sucks to leave no matter how long you have been CD) then it is really hard. You get used to them being around and not waiting for phone calls and getting to see them in real life and just cuddle. You cuddle with yourself and you pillow and it just isnt the same.

So I think it is harder if you have spend any time CD together.

[kat4301]

I would vote CD first is harder depending on the situation. For me, the worst thing about going CD to LDR was that we both moved away from where we had been CD. So when we moved we both had these new lives. It felt so awkward not knowing his friends or places he went. We have been LDR almost two years now and even after a couple visits here and there, when we went out with his friends last night I was totally the outsider. It was an entirely new role for me and of course it did not feel great. I think the benefit to CD is seeing the commitment firsthand but depending on your own circumstances either way can be worse than the other.

[books]

I personally can't imagine falling in love with someone I'd never met, but I guess if the beginning status for one's relationship was LD, it would be less painful than CD having to go LD. Because there's no real 'loss', presumably, in an LDR that has always been an LDR, because separation is the status quo, but a CDR where circumstances force the participants apart and into an LDR, there is a very clear reality of losing each other's physical presence, which previously they had had.

I agree with this.

I've never had a relationship that started off as LD, so I really have nothing to compare it too. I will say that in a LDR, the couple seems to have already set up a routine of communication, whereas in CDR to LDR, that routine needs to be worked on, and oftentimes (as OP pointed out) fails to suffice for the "real thing". My fondest memories with my SO are those we have spent together and not those on the phone, texting, etc.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Personally, I think it's tougher if you are CD first. My SO and I were CD, but only for 2 weeks before he left for college. It's been HARD. He and I have been best friends for 13 years now and we went to school together from 2nd grade all the way through high school. We graduated together, went to prom together, etc. We only became a couple right before he left. To go from seeing him every day, to only once every 1.5-3 months is so hard. I miss him so much, not only as my boyfriend, but as my best friend too. It was so strange when he first left and it really hit me hard that I wouldn't be going to school and seeing him in my classes, or getting to hang out whenever we wanted to like old times. Things are much different, but it's only temporary. In about 1 year and 8 months, this distance will be a thing of the past for us and will make for good stories to tell at our wedding and to our future children someday.