Whats really considered long distance?

[crystaldragonix]

Hi LDR community,

I've been in an LDR for going on 6 years. I'm 21 and my boyfriend lives 45 min away and we go to different colleges. We see each other ranging from once a week to once a month. I wanted to know is my case considered long distance? What is considered a normal "distance" relationship? Do normal couples see each other everyday? Is it asking to much if I want to see him every day or at least every other day? After 6 years I'm tired of feeling like I'll never see him as often as I want to.

Thanks

[Rach321]

I'd say that as a community, we tend to believe that if YOU consider it long distance, it's long distance. For me, any distance that prevents you from being able to get together for an evening date on a regular basis is probably long distance.

[Moon]

Don't be too surprised if you get some posts that are a bit...uh...insensitive to your distance, as many of us are several thousand miles away from our SO's, and see them a few times a year, or less. That being said, distance is in the eyes of the relationship. If you don't have a ride, 45 minutes might as well be 1000 miles. For me, 45 minutes wouldn't be LD, but there are no set rules to this, although I'm pretty sure if you see each other every day/every other day, you can't really consider yourself LDR

We can't tell you if wanting to see him every day or so is asking too much, that's only something you and he can find the answer to, every relationship, and it's dynamics, is different.

[Sierra]

I agree that distance is defined by the couple, but I really wouldn't call 45 minutes long distance. I actually consider that normal for most couples I know.

[ChibiFelicia]

I personally dont feel 45 mins away is LD.

In my past relationships which were CD i wouldnt see my SO everyday. What with work and studies once a week at weekends was good enough. Some times twice a week. But each to there own.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I think any length of travelling required to visit a boyfriend/girlfriend that's over an hour is sort of long distance. I wouldn't say those who are thousands of miles apart from each other have something like a "true" LDR if you know what I mean, I think what you have with your boyfriend is a sort of long distance relationship but not quite to the extreme end of the scale.

If that makes sense lol I can make no sense whatsoever sometimes.

[Engel]

Don't be too surprised if you get some posts that are a bit...uh...insensitive to your distance, as many of us are several thousand miles away from our SO's, and see them a few times a year, or less. That being said, distance is in the eyes of the relationship. If you don't have a ride, 45 minutes might as well be 1000 miles. For me, 45 minutes wouldn't be LD, but there are no set rules to this, although I'm pretty sure if you see each other every day/every other day, you can't really consider yourself LDR

We can't tell you if wanting to see him every day or so is asking too much, that's only something you and he can find the answer to, every relationship, and it's dynamics, is different.

That.

I dont know if normal couples CD see each other everyday, I only had one real boyfriend before my so, and in our one month together we saw each other 5 times only. he was really smart, but also a nerd, would spend many many hours at med school daily and even on weekends when his colleages were out having fun he was at home studying more.

he got into 2 med unis at age 16, so no surprise there. haha

and them my SO. we went from one extreme to the other, or we are appart, continents appart, or we are under the same roof.

[CanadianGirl]

It's hard to say, since I've only known my distance and you've only known yours. If the distance is the deciding factor in how often you are together, then that can be seen as LDR. I know CD couples who see each other every day to once a week.

As for how often you should see each other, that's something to discuss with your boyfriend. A lot of us are LDR because of school, so the problem isn't uncommon. Who's doing the commuting? How are your schedules (course work, jobs, etc)? Personally, I wouldn't want to see my boyfriend everyday during college, even if we were CD. He's too good of a distraction

It's also important in LDR, to know when the distance will close. You've been together for a while, so I'm assuming it's the right time in the relationship to talk about future plans. You shouldn't feel as if the distance is going to last forever, so talk to him about that too and see where he stands.

[Riyko]

Everyone's idea of LD is different and like moon said some people will be insensitive to your distance. To me long distance is how often you see the person your with and also how often you spend the night with them, distance can be included with that. Some people will disagree with me but even if you are 6 miles apart but only see each other 3-4 times a month you could even consider yourself long distance because it's almost what it seems like.

[aggie]

I think there was a similar thread to this one, discussing what's considered long distance.
But anyway, yes, I do envy you for living 45min ride away from your SO. And I could go all bi.chy and intense how you shouldnt consider yourself LD because we're struggling here with 20-hour-flight distance sometimes. But as it was discussed in this other thread, I'd consider long distance be it, if you can't travel to your SO whenever you need to/want to because of the distance. So really, if thats an option in your case, if you feel like it is too long of a distance (hah, i think for me it will always be TOO long if he's not in the same house/room/bed with me.), then so it is.

welcome to LFAD.

[13000km]

Long distance would be when you can't pick up the phone and say "hey, do you want to do something together tonight?", when you have to plan your visits. If you don't have reliable transport to take you 45 minutes away when you want to then you are in a long distance relationship. I don't consider not seeing each other regularly due to scheduling conflicts "distance".

For me, 45 mins wouldn't be considered LD, seeing as my boyfriend now lives about 30 mins away from me. I don't have a car and it takes a little over an hour by bus+walking to get there, but I am thankful for that, because it is a much better situation than being over 8000 miles away and seeing my boyfriend ONCE in the 1.5 years we were LD.

I see how since 45 mins is the only distance you've ever known, it can feel like a LDR because of the inconvenience, especially since it has been 6 years. Stick around anyway, there are lots of us no longer in LD relationships here. (:

[elizabethjp2010]

distance isnt always created by the miles apart, sometimes its created by the time it takes to see each other.


if you feel your distant thats it you are. This community is here to help people so just let it do that "ldr veterans" arent in ldrs anymore but they still give/get advice, so just let the community help you and dont question weather or not you can be involved.

[London-FortCollins]

"ldr veterans" arent in ldrs anymore but they still give/get advice, so just let the community help you and dont question weather or not you can be involved.

Side note: Can I be a vet then even though we didnt close the distance but because I'm no longer in one? :P

Sorry, yeah agree with others posting, its all about the two of you really. Me and my xSo were Colorado and London. Transatlantic and very definitly LD.

My friends fiance is in Birmingham, UK - shes in London. Its about a 2-3hr drive. But they dont see each other more frequently than every month at best - often more than that. That is LD.

However after my LDR, if my next partner was in Birmingham I probably wouldn't consider it as LD in comparison. If I needed to see them THAT night - I probably would say "f it" and jump on a train to be with him. I couldn't do that even if I wanted to with a partner in the States.

Its all about your perspective I suppose....

[elizabethjp2010]

it might be alumni i mean. i got them backwards.

[Trethsparr]

"ldr veterans" arent in ldrs anymore but they still give/get advice, so just let the community help you and dont question weather or not you can be involved.

Side note: Can I be a vet then even though we didnt close the distance but because I'm no longer in one? :P

Actually, the "Veterans" are just LFADers who have been here on the boards for five months and have at least 300 posts. You definitely meet the qualifications to be a vet, London-FortCollins. The people who have closed the distance already are "LFAD Alumni."