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    #1

    Earning trust?

    Hello,


    About 3 months ago, I cheated on my SO and lied about it and denied anything was going on between me and a friend of mine...I'm a horrible person I know, but I want to know what I could do to earn her trust back and be her friend again (She won't take me back as her boyfriend.) Time isn't an option, she said that no amount of time would make her trust me again. Meeting her in real life isn't an option right now either 'cuz i'm dirt broke... So I want to know if there's any other ways... I still love the hell out of her and I want to be her friend so bad... Does anyone know what I could do to make this right again?
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    #2
    I uhm...don't want to be rude; but, if you loved her so much, why did you cheat? The distance, or what?
    To be honest if I was her, I would take months to finally warm up to the idea of letting you into my life. The most sacred promise of a relationship, and you broke it. :s I know this isn't what you want to hear; but, just give her some time. She may say that no amount of time will make her trust you, but give it a few months. That's all you can do.

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      #3
      Why did you cheat on her. To be honest if my SO had cheated on me I wouldnt even speak to him let alone want to be friends with him. What you did was SOOO beyond disrespectful.

      This is just my personal opinion but I think the best thing you can do for her for now is stay out of her life. Let her heal from this. Sorry if that was harsh But in my book if you cheat on someone then you have no respect for them in any way shape or form because if you really cared for them even as just a friend you wouldnt cheat on them, On top of that you lied about it, just cutting the wound deeper.

      If I were you I would send a long apology letter and then just let her speak to you, let her decide if she wants you in her life or not.
      " There is always hope.
      "

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by Haru View Post
        I uhm...don't want to be rude; but, if you loved her so much, why did you cheat? The distance, or what?
        To be honest if I was her, I would take months to finally warm up to the idea of letting you into my life. The most sacred promise of a relationship, and you broke it. :s I know this isn't what you want to hear; but, just give her some time. She may say that no amount of time will make her trust you, but give it a few months. That's all you can do.
        I cheated because I wasn't feeling any love from her, but that's my fault too... because before I cheated on her, this was like months before, she found out that I had lied about stuff and that I had hid stuff from her... so as a result she was starting not to love me anymore... so yeah... She's already letting me talk to her on the phone again, so she's warming up... she just wants me to think of ways to earn her trust back, but I can't think of anything... and I told her that time might make her trust me again, but she doesn't want me to rely on time... she thinks that by relying on it that I don't have anything else to think of...

        @Sharon Q - I know it was and I really regret it. She doesn't want me to stay out of her life obviously... and if I did decide to do that she'll think that I don't want to talk to her anymore or want nothing to do with her, which is what I don't want. I've already sent her plenty of letters telling her how sorry I was...

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          #5
          The only way to earn trust is be honest, 100% honest about everything. It will take time for her to trust you but she needs to see you are trying, you need to be honest with her. The best way to start would be to come clean on any lies you have told her in the past, Then stay honest from then on.

          Tell her everything you lied about.
          " There is always hope.
          "

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by Sharon Q View Post
            The only way to earn trust is be honest, 100% honest about everything. It will take time for her to trust you but she needs to see you are trying, you need to be honest with her. The best way to start would be to come clean on any lies you have told her in the past, Then stay honest from then on.

            Tell her everything you lied about.
            Yeah. I have. I've told her everything she just thinks that I'm hiding more... She won't believe that I'm not...

            Comment

              #7
              Understandably so. It will take a while for her to trust you again, all you can do is stay honest with her.
              " There is always hope.
              "

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by Sharon Q View Post
                Understandably so. It will take a while for her to trust you again, all you can do is stay honest with her.
                I will and I am... I'm not going to be the lying, hiding guy that I was... I'm going to grow up and be a honest man. Thank you for your comments.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Forget about it, you've burnt that bridge. Suck it up and learn from it, it doesn't matter how much you say you still love her, she's told you she's done with you so respect that and leave her alone. There are some things you can't just"make right" again, you chose to cheat now you get to live with the consequences of your actions.

                  There's no way I'd be friends with someone who hurt me that much, why should she have to be reminded of what you did to her because you want to be friends? She isn't going to trust you again, so if you actually do still care for her, let it go and take what you've learned here into your future relationships.
                  Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Moon View Post
                    Forget about it, you've burnt that bridge. Suck it up and learn from it, it doesn't matter how much you say you still love her, she's told you she's done with you so respect that and leave her alone. There are some things you can't just"make right" again, you chose to cheat now you get to live with the consequences of your actions.

                    There's no way I'd be friends with someone who hurt me that much, why should she have to be reminded of what you did to her because you want to be friends? She isn't going to trust you again, so if you actually do still care for her, let it go and take what you've learned here into your future relationships.
                    Thank you for your comment.

                    She wants to be friends too, so it isn't just me... I know what I did was unforgivable and I am grateful that she forgave me for it... she just can't forget it... and I don't blame her...If she was done with me then why are we still talking? I don't get that. If I leave her alone, she'll think that I don't want anything to do with her, which as I stated before, I don't want that to happen. I know there are consequences and I'm still dealing with the karma that comes with them..

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Leave the poor girl alone. She doesn't owe you her friendship or anything at all for that matter. You could give her the moon but it wouldn't change a thing. Maybe you just need to accept that she won't ever trust you again and if she does it won't be for a long, long time. So, let her be so she can heal on her own and maybe, MAYBE, become friends with you on her own terms. But that would be very generous of her.


                      Comment

                        #12
                        Way I see it is she's not going to heal from this if you're still around trying to win over what you lost not once but twice, and this is, in my opinion, where you have to decide if you love her enough to want to let her go. The thing is that by hanging around, you're not helping her, you're keeping her around because it's what you want to do. You don't want her to think you don't want anything to do with her because if she wanted to give you another chance, you'd probably jump at it. But the thing is that what she needs is time to heal, time to work through this, time to truly get over it, because she's not going to do it with you still around. And she may not want to. Cutting someone you once loved out is probably one of the hardest things you could ever do. Does it eventually happen? Yes, but it can take some time depending on the circumstances. Way I see it is it's better you let her go, give her her time, with the possibility you may end up friends in the future, or you can try, somewhat futiley, and she'll make her own decision to get rid of you when she's ready, and by that point, things may be too far gone to ever recover. If you love her, you'll break away from her and give her time to heal, not keep her hanging because you want her in your life.
                        { Our Story on LFAD }


                        Our Beginning
                        Met online: February 2009
                        Feelings confessed: December 2010
                        Unofficially together since: January/February 2011
                        Officially together since: 08 April 2011

                        Our Story
                        First meeting in person: 16 August - 14 September 2011
                        Second visit: 17 March - 01 April 2012
                        Third visit: 23 July - 13 September 2012
                        Fourth visit: Looking at 23 March - 6 April 2013

                        Our Happily Ever After
                        to be continued...

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Ok, I know you know what you did was wrong. That said, she may never trust you again, and even if she does, there is always probably going to be that part of her that wonders. All you can really do is give it time. I've been cheated on twice. It took years for me to trust the one guy again, and that is just as friends, and I still don't trust him 100%. The other one, never ever again. He doesn't want it, and I work with the girl he cheated on me with so I get to live with that daily reminder that I wasn't enough (and even if you didn't cheat because of that, odds are she's thinking it). So all you can do is give it time, be there for her when she wants it, leave her alone when she doesn't.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            i was cheated on by my first boyfriend, he slept with other people when i wouldnt sleep with him....

                            there is nothing you can do to make it better. Sorry, you lied to her... cheating is wrong, lying about it is worse. Sorry to be rude, but what you did was wrong, mean, and selfish. All you can do is not make that mistake with the people you like in the future!

                            tell her youre sorry for doing that than move on, its the nice thing to do, because when she sees and talks to you all she will think is that she wasnt good enough for you, weather thats true or not.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              I hope you weren't expecting sympathy, but guys like you make me sick. You say you want to be her friend and you cared and love her still, but if you were truly her boyFRIEND to begin with you would've tried to work things out with her and started being honest about things instead of lying more on top of everything else. How do you know she doesn't think you're lying about wanting to be her friend? I wouldn't trust you either because to me every word you say would sound like a lie and I wouldn't wan to have to worry about it. you should've been honest from the beginning. What's the point of being in a relationship if you're just going to lie and cheat? Sounds like you need to get your priorities straight and get yourself together and figure out why you lied and hid things from the person you supposedly love. Cause this doesn't sound like love to me at all

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