Neglected and unloved?

[missinghim11]

My long term boyfriend recently moved to Canada (I live in New Zealand) to work, and will be back in 4 and a half months. I am finding it extremely hard to cope without him, and I have told him this many times. Despite this, he can't even manage to email me once a week, and only talks to me when I tell him we have to talk for the sake of our relationship. He says he is very busy, and can't balance all the things he has to do. He says he loves me still, but doesn't have the time or energy to put this into words to email me. However he still finds time to spend time with his new friends (not that he tells me this, but I see photos on Facebook). He has also mentioned that he wants to either stay in Canada for longer or go to Japan to live. I have started to think that he doesn't feel the same about me anymore, and is trying to avoid telling me too harshly.On the other hand, I don't know what to expect from a long distance relationship, and if I am asking too much. Need help ASAP! Sorry about the essay-length post!

[jknott11]

Well, I feel like he is beginning a new chapter in his life with his move to Canada and new job. I believe that he is telling you how he is feeling, solely by his actions and it maybe time to either wait to see if he changes or you part ways. I found for myself, in a relationship if your partner wants to communicate with you they will find a way and if you see it yourself that he is spending time with his friends , but barely has enough time to talk with you then maybe that is where his head is right now. You are definitely not asking for too much to talk with him. All relationships need communication especially long distance relationships. I hope this advice helps

[Haley53]

Can you put a number to the time frame of "recently"? Although I agree with the above poster that communication is key and that effort is required to make LDRs work, you also have to consider the length of time he's been there. I would say that if he's been at it for 3+ months, then there may be a time to sit him down and talk with him about how you're feeling. If he's been there 3 months or less, then I'd honestly say it boils down to him getting used to a new place, new job, new friends, and an entirely new situation.

[Zapookie]

Did both of you discuss communication and what is going to happen while he's away? Did you talk about it and were you on the same page before he left?

It may be that he's just having a lot of fun as he is overseas, and he might be seeing this as a holiday. You need to tell him though that if he still wants you when he gets back, he will need to get his act together and do his part in including you in his life, even from afar. If he really wants to make it work, he will make the time for you, no matter how busy he is. Obviously, he's not making you a priority right now and putting you on the backburner. That shows the amount of respect he has for you as a girlfriend.

We all miss our partners, there's no doubt about it. But if he, to put it bluntly, doesn't give a shit, why are you still waiting? A relationship is give and take. You cannot pull the load all by yourself, he has to help you and you do it together.

And if he is just going to make a decision to move to another country without consulting you first, well that's not very fair, is it? You said you have been together long-term, so any types of moving decisions need to be talked about and agreed upon by both parties first.

You really need to organise some kind of skype date or something, where you can talk about this together and decide on what you're both going to do in terms of making this work long-distance. Not everyone is cut out for LD, and that's nothing to feel bad about. You just have to take it as one of life's lessons

Good luck!

[xbriellex]

A relationship is give and take.

I totally agree with you. A relationship is give and take. You cannot be the one who gives all the effort to make the relationship work.

This is just my opinion, but I do feel like he is not ready to have you in his life yet. And if he is really serious in your relationship, he'll really put on effort to see you and make the relationship work. It is important that you talk about this issue with him and ask him straightly what he feels about your current relationship.

If he still fails to work on the relationship, I think you'd deserve someone else better who would love to see you in his future together.

[Engel]

You arent expecting too much, when Im away from my SO, if we only talked once a week, that would be too less for me, and would make it next to impossible for me to cope with the distance. from amazon to germany there is a 5 or 6 hours difference, deppending on the time of the year, and we still managed to talk everyday!

even if just for 5 minutes before he slept, and i would see him sleeping. and there were also the emails, sure.


talk with him, and i hope it gets better for you.

[Engel]

You arent expecting too much, when Im away from my SO, if we only talked once a week, that would be too less for me, and would make it next to impossible for me to cope with the distance. from amazon to germany there is a 5 or 6 hours difference, deppending on the time of the year, and we still managed to talk everyday!

even if just for 5 minutes before he slept, and i would see him sleeping. and there were also the emails, sure.


talk with him, and i hope it gets better for you.

[HollzHeartsChris]

Agreed with Engel, you're not asking for much from your SO. Just time to chat and spend some time together. I don't think he's adjusted completely yet though, if he's never been long distance then it's not easy to make an adjustment quickly, but he shouldn't forget the odd email because I find that inexcusable. He loves you and yet he's not making the effort to show that. You need to pin him down and have a long chat with him about this, cause it's not fair on you. Best of luck

[squirrelz15]

Yeah, I agree with everyone above. You need to talk to him about it. He needs to make you a priority, or you deserve better. Relationships need 2 willing participants, you can't hold a relationship together alone. I hope you get the chance to talk to him, if you can't pin him down, I guess I would just email him and tell him how you're feeling and what you're thinking. Best of luck, I hope things turn out well.