Meeting up with OTHER people from online?

[ILoveYou123]

Me and my SO met online like I'm sure most of you have. Well, I have other online friends as well who are nothing more than friends. There's this boy on Tumblr who I'm friends with. My SO follows him and everything too. Someone asked him if he could have sex with ten of his followers who would they be, I was among the ten. My SO seen it, didn't make a big deal about it. But I told him yesterday that I was texting him and he was livid at the fact that I would even give him my number. All in all, the boy wants to visit me over Christmas break and I'd like him to come visit as well. He'd only be here a day or two and I already made it clear that it would be ONLY hanging out and nothing more and he said that he didn't want anything like that from me anyway and he surely wouldn't drive 6 hours just to get it. I have not yet mentioned this to my SO. I really would like to meet the boy and hang out with him as friends because he's really cool and whatever but I already know that he'd get so pissed. Any advice? How would/do you feel about your SO meeting up with others from online? (Btw me and my SO have already met in person so he wouldn't get mad because Tumblr Boy got to see me before him)

[Haley53]

I think it'd depend. Regardless of it being on Tumblr or not, if my partner decided he wanted to meet a girl and have her come over after she'd listed him as someone she'd have sex with, I'd probably feel uncomfortable. Would I trust him with it? For the most part, yes, and I wouldn't be the one to stop him, but that's not saying I'd be happy with it. And I imagine he'd feel quite uneasy in this position as well.

Where were you planning on meeting up with this boy? If he stayed for two days, where would he be staying? The thing is that regardless of the fact he claims he wouldn't "drive 6 hours for sex," in the end, he still listed you as one of the ten followers of x-number of followers he'd have sex with, and that's bound to make anyone uncomfortable. The more followers he has, the worse that gets. I don't think it's wrong for anyone to meet up with anyone they've met online, same or opposite sex, but I do think it's a bit alarming for anyone to hear their partner say or want to meet up with someone who's expressed an interest in them.

I was in a situation a couple years ago with my ex. It was nearer the end of our relationship and we weren't even really together by that point. I met someone online, he seemed like a cool guy, we exchanged numbers and talked occasionally, nothing more than as friends, but then he admitted to being sexually interested and if my ex was "ever stupid enough to let me go..." etc. and then brought up meeting up. He of course assured me that there would be no intention of anything beyond friendship, but I didn't feel comfortable and I ended up cutting him completely out of my life. :/ Odd fellow. But basically, I don't think what matters is what they say they want or don't want, and I think this is true for anyone; actions typically tend to speak louder than words, and I already think he crossed one big line by stating that on his Tumblr knowing you were in a relationship.

So personally, I feel like it's a bad idea. I think it's disrespectful of your SO, especially to keep it from him, and I don't think it's entirely fair. I mean, if some girl expressed wanting to have sex with your SO, would you feel comfortable with him meeting up with her and texting her and talking to her on the phone and having her over?

EDIT -- I should probably say nearer one* end as opposed to nearer the end of my relationship with my ex. We were off and on for a while, should have learned me something sooner, hah.

[ILoveYou123]

But at the time he didn't know that I was in a relationship. Hell, he still doesn't know. I have a Tumblr specifically for my SO so it doesn't look like I have one I suppose. I know that I wouldn't want him meeting up with anyone but I really want to meet up with him :\

[Haley53]

Hm. Though his actions don't seem as much like crossing a line now, what if he did try something in person? Or what if he's hopeful? I mean even if he's not planning on anything or expecting anything... He's unlikely to tell you he's hoping for something if you explicitly tell him you're not. If he's unaware you're in a relationship, it could also be somewhat misleading, especially if you're allowing him to stay in your house (still unsure of where he planned to stay). Personally I think I'd put off meeting him for now, make it known you have a lad, and then see what happens from there. I'm not trying to pin Tumblr boy as a royal douchebag, but he may not quite know his boundaries if he's not aware that you're in a relationship. Is there any particular reason it hasn't come up?

[ILoveYou123]

It just hasn't come up because we haven't talked about relationships. He for sure wouldn't stay at my house, he'd get a hotel. I can tell him today that I have a boyfriend, its not a big deal.

But how should I bring it up to my boyfriend?

[Haley53]

Well, it's up to you. If you're really set on your decision to meet up with him, then I would be honest. Be direct. Don't beat around the bush and don't drag it out. Tell him "so soandso is coming out to see me winter break, and I know you don't like the idea, but I figured I should tell you/be honest about it." He is going to be pissy, hurt, and upset, and it's possible he'll try and provoke an argument. I encourage you not to let it become one. If he starts getting worked up, tell him you'll be fine to talk about his feelings when he wants to talk, not if he's going to yell at you, and give him space until he calms down. However, with all that said, I still think you should try putting yourself in his position. You say you wouldn't like/feel comfortable with him meeting someone like Tumblr boy (let's say Tumblr girl), so why are you going to do it? :/ My opinion is you should never do anything you'd feel uncomfortable with your partner doing, and I'm concerned that this is one situation that may be more detrimental to your relationship than a lesson in trust.

EDIT -- I meant putting yourself in his* position, not putting himself in your position

[CanadianGirl]

I think you should definitely mention your SO to him. He's already said that he's interested in you and while he's not intending on having sex, it's going to be on his mind. It's bordering on the line of you stringing him along.. Also, if you meet up with him, take a friend or two with you!

If my SO was meeting up with a random girl off the internet, it would make me really uncomfortable. If he told me first, and was clear about his and her intentions, no problem. If I found out some other way...it would create huge trust issues.

[ILoveYou123]

Yeah, I just brought it up to him and he said, "How would he even get there and just... hell no I'm sorry if it seems as though I'm bossing you but damn that should have been an instant no." So yeah, I don't think he'll be budging on his feelings toward it. :\

[Joyce:)]

i really can't blame him. if he had been talking to a girl, who has no clue you existed, and who wanted to travel 6 hours just to hang for one or two days alone with him, how would you feel? the tumblr boy has no clue you have a boyfriend, and sorry to break it to you, but even though he said he wouldn't travel 6 hours to get some, HE WOULD travel 6 hours to get some.

[Haley53]

i really can't blame him. if he had been talking to a girl, who has no clue you existed, and who wanted to travel 6 hours just to hang for one or two days alone with him, how would you feel? the tumblr boy has no clue you have a boyfriend, and sorry to break it to you, but even though he said he wouldn't travel 6 hours to get some, HE WOULD travel 6 hours to get some.

^ This.

[floridaellen]

I would be very hurt and upset if my SO did this to me.
I agree with the above: he would drive six hours to get some.

[Sharon Q]

Someone asked him if he could have sex with ten of his followers who would they be, I was among the ten.

Odds are he wants more than just to hang out with you.

[Zephii]

I kinda feel like you are leading Tumblr boy on. I do feel that you probably don't know each other well enough at this point to visit each other if the fact you're in a relationship has never come up.

I'm not adverse to meeting randoms from online at all, but your SOs feelings need to be a priority as does your safety.

I would say that you wait to meet tumblr boy until your SO can come too, and that when you do so it's in a safe public place.

[Alemap]

Let him know about your boyfriend.
If he still wants to meet, then let your boyfriend know about it.

[Engel]

We are just planning a LFAD german meet up, lol
so I guess that answers it, I think in the right situation, meet people you only talked online previously can be a great thing!

---------- Post added at 01:34 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:32 AM ----------

I kinda feel like you are leading Tumblr boy on. I do feel that you probably don't know each other well enough at this point to visit each other if the fact you're in a relationship has never come up.

I'm not adverse to meeting randoms from online at all, but your SOs feelings need to be a priority as does your safety.

I would say that you wait to meet tumblr boy until your SO can come too, and that when you do so it's in a safe public place.

Oh, I hadnt read the whole thing yet. in this case, this boy really needs to know the op has a boyfriend!