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    So I went onto my SO's Facebook the other day with his permission to accept a game request and I couldn't help but peek into his messages. I only read messages between him and one person because he made it seem like they never talk and I dislike her greatly. Well, yesterday he said flat out that his was IMing her, so this morning I decided to go into his account and see what he was talking to her about. But it wasn't there. None of the messages they sent back and forth were. Meaning he went out of his way to delete their whole conversation. I mean why? Was it so bad that you wouldn't even want to risk me seeing it?

    Has anyone else ever had this problem with their SO? Am I just making a big deal out of this or is it nothing to worry about?

    #2
    Maybe he deleted them cause he doesn't need you snooping around. You have no business going into his messages and reading them. He didn't lie about talking to her, what more do you want?

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      #3
      I guess he knew giving you his password was maybe more than you could handle, I would have deleted the conversation, too. He trusted you with his account info and you abused it by going into his messages, what did you expect? To be honest, if I were him, I'd change my password immediately.
      Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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        #4
        I don't see any reason at all for a partner to have the password to any of the other's facebook/email etc unless it's for a joint bank account etc. People say "It's because we have nothing to hide and we trust each other" but really if you go into their private messages, (emphasis on "PRIVATE" here), how much do you trust them really?

        He trusted you not to abuse his account and you did. I'm surprised he hasn't changed his password altogether actually.

        <3 The day we met : 10.31.2009
        <3 Our first Date: 11.04.2009
        The Day we went long distance: 08.08.2010
        <3 He came to England: 12.27.2010-01.07.2011
        <3 My trip to Ohio: 5.29.2011-6.09.2011
        Our first Christmas visit: 12.23.2011-1.7.2011
        Distance closed: 2.29.2012!!!!!!!!

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          #5
          Yeah, I know it's hard when that kind of thing comes up. I can see why it's frustrating for both of you. You guys probably just need to sit down and talk about what is going on. I have done this before, unintentionally because I used my ex SO's comp all the time, and thought I was on my Facebook not his, clicked on messages and that's how I found out he was cheating. That said, if you trust your SO, then you need to talk to him. You shouldn't have gone into his messages and read them, but we all mess up, so talk to him.

          Comment


            #6
            I agree with snow_girl, Moon and nicole.

            Going through your partner's private messages isn't ok. He trusted you enough to give you his password and you abused that trust by going through his messages. If my boyfriend did that, it would be a huge problem between us.
            I've said this before on here, but I think not only is this unfair to your SO but also to the people they are communicating with. No, I don't have anything to hide from my boyfriend as such, but my friends might write me things, that they don't want him to know about. Just because I trust my friend with a story about my yeast infection (debt, one night stand, drug abuse, whatever) doesn't mean I want her boyfriend to know. I'd be really really disappointed and felt cheated on, if I found out one of my friends was sharing information I trusted her with with their SO.
            Last edited by Dziubka; December 20, 2011, 11:15 AM.

            Być tam, zawsze tam, gdzie Ty.

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              #7
              I agree with Moon and snow_girl. If he's been honest about when he's talking to her, which is more than he should be expected to be doing, then what more do you want? Perhaps he deleted the conversation because you have his password or he was aware you'd be going into his account and simply didn't want you snooping about. I don't share my passwords with my partner, and he doesn't share mine with me. Neither of us have anything to hide. Neither of us are particularly preserving privacy. We simply don't feel the need to merge every aspect of our personal lives; if one of us wants to share something, we will. It's quite possible he suspected you'd snoop and didn't want to take any chances so deleted the message. It's also possible he said nothing, but didn't want to take the chance of you seeing something and misinterpreting it. Personally, I'd let this one go. :/
              { Our Story on LFAD }


              Our Beginning
              Met online: February 2009
              Feelings confessed: December 2010
              Unofficially together since: January/February 2011
              Officially together since: 08 April 2011

              Our Story
              First meeting in person: 16 August - 14 September 2011
              Second visit: 17 March - 01 April 2012
              Third visit: 23 July - 13 September 2012
              Fourth visit: Looking at 23 March - 6 April 2013

              Our Happily Ever After
              to be continued...

              Comment


                #8
                I really dislike threads like this for a multitude of reasons. Firstly, while I understand your insecurity, snooping on his Facebook simply because you have his password is just as bad as him deleting conversations he's had with people. Just because you have a password doesn't mean you have permission to snoop. This is a violation of trust.

                My boyfriend does know my Facebook password but he's never been on it, and if he were to interrogate me about conversations I've had with other people via Facebook, I'd be extremely upset with him.

                In a relationship you have to have trust. Why don't you like this other woman?

                I think that you have to let this one go, because, quite frankly, what you did is an invasion of privacy, but if you are bothered that he's talking to her, then you need to have a conversation about why and find mutual ground on the issue where you're both happy and secure.

                Comment


                  #9
                  yup, agreed. It was his choice to tell you about their conversation which should be enough. That he deleted the messages is probably not about you anyways. As Dziubka said, she may have been sharing things that she really just wanted him to hear and no one else. That does not mean it involved you or that they are cheating or anything like that. This one is for you to fix.
                  Nothing ever comes with ease,
                  the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees

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                    #10
                    I guess you are feeling suspicious because you wanted to meet with tumblr boy, without him knowing you had a girlfriend, so you wanted to know if your boyfriend does behind your back the same you do behind his back.
                    our story.

                    sigpic

                    02.02.2012 - When we got married and closed the distance once and for all

                    "If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse."

                    Comment


                      #11
                      First of all, Engel, that was completely out of line. I'm suspicious because the girl is always saying she loves him and things.

                      Also, he has my password and goes through my messages too. Lol I didn't think that part of this post would be a big deal.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I used to go through my SO's messages occasionally at the beginning of our relationship almost two years ago. All it got me was additional stress and worry over absolutely nothing. I'd suggest to just stop doing it. It's much easier and causes less fights about nothing.

                        Became a couple: March 17th, 2010
                        Started our college long distance relationship: August 2011
                        Surprise engagement in Disneyworld! : March 22nd, 2013
                        Closed the distance: May 2nd, 2014
                        Became his wife and started our happily ever after!: May 17th, 2014

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                          #13
                          Originally posted by ILoveYou123 View Post
                          First of all, Engel, that was completely out of line. I'm suspicious because the girl is always saying she loves him and things.

                          Also, he has my password and goes through my messages too. Lol I didn't think that part of this post would be a big deal.
                          You don't think that going through someone else's private messages is a big deal? I'm curious, how old are you?
                          I'm 27, and it wouldn't matter if I had nothing to hide, if I found out my boyfriend was going through my emails or Facebook messages I would be extremely upset. Password or not, this IS an invasion of privacy and indicates a large problem in your relationship, which is the fact that you don't trust your SO.

                          The truth is this, at the end of the day, he should put out the flames that she has for him by saying he has somebody else. If he's able to still maintain a friendship with her, what's the problem? He loves you, he's not going to stray, right?

                          My boyfriend has a friend that has feelings for him. I have no problem with them hanging out, I'm just simply asked that he doesn't discuss the problems in our relationship with her as she has an interest in us breaking up, instead of giving him good advice. Other than that, I don't have any problem with them communicating or being friends. I wouldn't go through his text messages just to see what she said to him because I trust him and I respect his right to privacy.

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                            #14
                            I'm 22. Its not a big deal. I'm not saying we do it with every little message that is sent but if either of us is curious, we'll look and it not be a big deal.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              firstly, the SO and i have each other's passwords, and we do go on each other's accounts sometimes (we ask if we can "frape" each other.... hehe...)

                              secondly... i can understand how that feels. i saw his messages to julia twice... (both by accident) one of them he said he was going to see her. i immediately got upset (later on after confronting him about how i saw it and what i saw, he said he didnt have the time to tell me yet... im rather stupid, he did alot of laughing and saying "silly" hehe)

                              you can either do two things... you can just forget about it, just ask him about the conversation (him talking to you about it shows he is open to you about stuff) and not say you saw the conversation

                              or... you can be honest to him, and just say "look i accidently fell upon your messages on facebook and i saw you deleted the conversation with her because it didnt appear" or something like that

                              hope this helps

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