Don't know what to do

[efish1042]

I find myself slipping into a depression again and the last time this happened was two years ago and it ended with me in a really bad situation and I only got over it to get myself out of the situation.
I can't end up in that situation again, but I find myself in similar circumstances. I'm on a slippery slope and I need my SO's help and support, but he is clueless as to what to do or say to help me. Quite frankly, so am I.
I feel terrible for putting this on him. I know he has other issues, but I need him.
I guess I just need reassurance to help ease the racing thoughts, but he has never been good with that and it isn't like I can just ask him to say things because I will inevitably think that he only said them because I asked. Nor can I just tell him I need reassurance, because he still won't know what to do or say...
I don't know what to do...

[anlgp]

I'm in a similar boat. It helps to know the cause of the depression, as I'm sure you're well aware.

As for your SO even if you both are clueless as to what needs to be said to be reassured I still think it's important you say that you need the reassurance, that way your needs are out there, and he knows what kind of a spot you're in. Sometimes, the best kind of help someone can give is to just know that the other person they're with is going through something rough and being that one person that gives the extra inch that others won't/don't/can't for whatever reasons.

As far as you putting things on him, you need a shoulder to lean on and the depression is not something you wished upon yourself, so I'd say try not to beat yourself up over that if you can help it. There's a time and place for things, and it'd be better if both of you were in a good spot, but if you have to say something say it - better too soon than too late.

There are other things as well - exercise, write.. ummmm. take up a new hobby.

Plus, you posted here, and that in itself is in a way trying to help yourself. Somewhere down you know what you need to do to get reassurance because you've already done it.

[squirrelz15]

I agree with anlgp. Also, I don't know if it's possible for you to see a counselor , but sometimes they can be helpful in pinpointing the cause of the depression as well as helping you find ways to get through it. All you can really do though is tell your SO that you do need reassurance, and tell him how you're feeling. If he hasn't been through anything like it he probably is having a hard time understanding, but that doesn't mean he can't listen and at least be your shoulder to cry on.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I found myself struggling with depression a few months back but one of the biggest life savers I had was being comforted by my parents, but also my love of music. I find listening to Lady Gaga's music, who is my idol and favourite singer in the world, to be my way of releasing tension because I don't just listen, I sing along with her. The lyrics mean a lot to me and blasting out her music I've found is a great way of easing tension. Perhaps you could do something similar.

I'd definitely recommend speaking to someone about what's bothering you too, be it a councillor, someone on the end of a phone from a helpline or just your friends and family. Whoever you feel comfortable talking to. Whatever you do, don't suffer in silence. I did that for about 3 months and it was the worst thing I could have done. I spoke to a councillor from a helpline when I couldn't take it any longer and my god, the relief....it was amazing how good the chat I had with him helped. I found comfort in the fact that someone was listening to me: what had been the cause of the depression was something I couldn't confide in my friends or family, so the helpline was a great help for me

And remember, we're all here if you need a chat. Message me any time if you feel like you want to have a chat

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Something I held on to when I was depressed was that... I can do one minute. And when that minute's up, I might just be able to hold on another minute. And then, after that, one more minute would be ok. And then that transpired into hours. And that became days. And then it became weeks. And so on and so on. Obviously, this was just my coping mechanism with depression, and everyone has a different one, but I found the thought very comforting. Managing time into small, livable moments. Just getting by one minute at a time.
I'm very sorry for your situation, but don't forget that for things to actually get better, you need to look after yourself. You want to look after your SO and not put too much pressure on him, but if refusing yourself attention from him, just because you don't think you can be what you think he wants from you is holding you back, then it's not helping anyone. The main thing is that your SO is here for you, is still here for you, and loves you.

[floridaellen]

I know how you feel. I was depressed from 7th-11th grade and suffered in silence. I self-injured and dabbled in other bad behaviors. It took my friend telling the school about my self injury and them making me see a counselor to feel better. I would definitely recommend a counselor or even just a call to a helpline.

Here's the hotlines for Florida: https://www.depression-understood.or...florida.htm#28

I do relapse sometimes and lean on my SO for help but he's not a trained counselor. He tries to help; he wants to help. But these counselors know what they are doing and have been trained well.

[efish1042]

I had a bad experience with counselors so I'm not really open to that road right now. I'm trying to get there, but I have a feeling I won't be ready to try again for a while and I'm hoping to get over this slump before that while.
Thanks everyone for your help! It really means a lot and it helps to know that I'm not alone in this. I mean, I know other people have similar issues, but it doesn't stop you from thinking you're all alone in it. So thank you guys. Really. I might take some of you up of your offers to talk.
I talked to my SO last night... rather, we had a fight because he got frustrated with not knowing how to help me and we bit each others heads off, but then we called and apologized and I feel better about things. We are going to try talking tonight and hopefully we will accomplish more. We both realized, yet again, that we need to work on communication because we tend to keep things bottled up rather than put the pressure on each other because we feel like burdens, but then again neither of us return the feeling... I think we are too concerned with trying to make each other happy by protecting each other from our problems than by helping each other through them. I'm hoping to work on that tonight.
Thank you all again for your support! I may be back here again later for more advice. It really helps knowing other people out there understand. Thanks

[Jezah]

Im so sorry. I have depression too and I know what it is like. Do you have a psychologist? You need to see someone since depression is chemical and I know people believe talk therapy can help....but it is only 1/4 of the battle...the rest is chemical. You need medication, even if its just something to even your mood till you can cope and pull yourself up. Its alot harder to get stable if you slip all the way down into depression so I would recommend seeing someone soon.

Until then, try and get out of the house. Even if its just to go for a walk, especially if it is sunny since vitamin D boosts endorphin's along with exercise. I also recommend a B vitamin complex and some St. Johns Wort as I use them myself to stave off depression. Sorry if its all meds talk but I have had depression since I was 13 and at this point I have grasped that it is mainly chemical related in my brain since most of the time I get bad spells with no event to cause them.

As far as your boyfriend goes, let him know and maybe link him to this page https://depression.about.com/cs/basi.../howtohelp.htm as it has alot of resources to help him understand how to help. My mother works in mental health mainly because of what she went through with me, so I have more knowledge on this subject than I want sometimes. Feel free to PM me, I think I can help or maybe just talk and let you vent to someone who gets it? Because I really really do.

[OceanBlue]

I think I'm going through teh same. but my problem is that I can't tell anybody how I feel and what I'm going through. I do tell my SO everything but I can see it's hurting him a lot too, so I hold back everything. I am in a depression even though I don't show it. I feel like I have to handle so many big problems on my own and I can't talk to anyone. I really knoz how you feel like. I'm sorry that I don't have anything to help you with it since I need the help too. I just can wish you good luck and hope everything will be allright.