I try so hard but nothing

[AsianRawr!]

So yet another problem I am having with my SO. She's been working for the past month or two and she doesn't even text or call anymore. I end up having to do it even on her days off. She works from 10 AM to about 9 PM almost everyday but she doesn't get home until about 1-2 AM my time. I try to call her but nothing, I try my best to get some time with her but when I do it ends up being 5 minutes or so and even then she's still somehow busy. I've started to get tired of it, is that bad? I just feel tired from all of this, I can't even have a decent conversation with her anymore without her having to go do something else or I end up arguing with her. What can I do now? This is making me fall into a small sort of depression, rejection, and neglected.

[Haley53]

I don't feel you're being unfair at all or that it's wrong of you to be tired of the circumstances. If she's working from 10-9, then she'll understandably be exhausted, but there's a difference between being exhausted due to an 11-hour shift and being exhausted from spending 4-5 hours with friends after work every night. Though she's going to need her "me-time," either for downtime or to hang out with friends, I think it's also important she realises that you, as her SO, are a part of her life as well, and it's simply not going to work if she does not make the time for you. Though I hate to say it, love isn't enough. Love is a good start, love is a powerful foundation, but making a relationship work takes communication and effort from both parties.

Have you ever spoken to her about it? You say you often end up arguing with her, so what if you wrote your thoughts down? Write a letter and within that letter, say whatever. Do whatever. Write whatever. Then start a second letter and write something more civil, something you'd feel more eager to present to her. Read it over; see if it needs editing. If it doesn't, then ask her if you can both set some time aside for you to read her the letter over the phone. If she says yes, great; if she doesn't, e-mail it to her, then, don't back down from it. I would honestly lay out how you feel and what you want from her. Tell her you don't need every single night from her but you do need time from her if you're both going to make this relationship work.

On top of this, I would consider backing off. It can be hard, but it's possible she's become entirely reliant on you because you're predictable at this point. Why should she put in the effort to call when she knows that you will? I think that this is a very human tendency, and I don't think she should be chastised for it, but I do think that she needs to realise you won't be the sole one to carry 100% of the weight 100% of the time. Because of this I think you should go some nights without ringing her. Give her some space for a while. A little bit of space can do a load of good, too, and I think proving to her that you're not always going to be the one to put in the single-handed effort will show that there's some action behind your words.

[yayagrl]

Well she is busy so the 5 minute calls maybe all she can can do. Sometimes you have to give more than you can take. This is one of those times. Support her and help her through this. I don't work as many hours as she does, but work is tiring and when I come home all I wanna do is sleep and on the off days all I do is sleep. Add school to that and there's a lot going on. Give her a break and show her you care by being there for her. It's hard on you, but I'm sure it's hard on her as well.

[Sharon Q]

If its 1am or 2 am your time perhaps she is being considerate of the fact that you need sleep?
If my SO and I had that time difference I wouldnt want to call and wake him.

Maybe she still needs time to get used to this job, That said she should still make an effort to call you or message you maybe before she goes to work.

Talk to her about time management and work together on this. Don't be too hard on her, compromise. and work out the issue together.

[squirrelz15]

It's not an easy situation, she is busy, but you need more from the relationship. I agree with Eclaire's idea of writing a letter, and going from there. If you can't resolve the situation that way, maybe this isn't right for you. She may be very busy, and that's fine, but your needs aren't being met emotionally, and something has to change.

[HollzHeartsChris]

Being so busy is probably putting a lot of strain and stress on her, I know at the end of a long day of lectures at college all I want to do is go to sleep. Give her some time, if writing a letter doesn't work, try some emails. As hard as it might be for you both, you're going to have to persevere and just let her know you're there for her regardless. Hold tight