boyfriend has bipolar??

[rusty15]

My boyfriend mother has bipolar disorder, and I'm starting to think he has a mild version of it.
He told me when we first started dating a long time ago that his ex-gf told he had bipolar and I didn't think much of it.
Every 6-8 months or so he freaks out and doesn't act like himself at all, he will say crazy stuff like he wants to break up/doesn't like me/blah blah, but than the next day he will be totally lovey-dovey, and apologizing and so happy like it never happened. He used to abuse alcohol years ago but hasn't in a year, which has helped his "freak-outs" but now that we are far away and he is lonely, I think he feels pressured and lonely and he had a freak-out the other day, and texted his ex-gf some-what inappropriate stuff, and he husband actually messaged me on facebook about it. When I confronted him about it, he was in his bipolar mode, which I feel like he was for a couple days. I didn't talk to my boyfriend for a couple days even though he was calling/texting me non-stop, and now he is so sorry, blah blah, super happy with me, bought me a really nice camera, like it never happened.

I want to bring it up to him, but I'm scared he might get mad that I think that. Hopefully he will agree to go to a doctor's and check it out, I feel like he is probably embarrassed/ashamed.

Anyone else deal with a maybe-bipolar S/O?

[garnet]

My father is bipolar... he disowned me so I no longer deal with it, but it was hell. He never found the proper medication and it makes me sad to know that he has led a very unhappy life. He's spent most of it hurting others.

Isn't 6-8 months a pretty slow cycle? Maybe not. If he does indeed have manic depression, it's nothing to ignore. I would find a time when you are both calm and just talking, and bring up your concern. How old are you guys? Is this something you could approach his mom with? If he's a minor, and she's properly handling her own issues, she would likely want him checked out?

[Jezah]

That does not sound like bipolar to me. Did he go to a doctor for an official diagnosis? My mother is a mental health worker and I have gone to too many seminars and talked to too many doctors and so I know more than I like. My dad has Bipolar and it is not that slow and that short. The cycles happen quite often (weeks in between) and they last at least a few days. One day is just a very very short cycle and almost unheard of from what I have heard. Something to consider is he may actually have BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, and you would be shocked how often the two are misdiagnosed. Lately Bipolar has been the illness du jour so alot of psychiatrists unfortunately use it as a catch all. I am not saying he doesn't, I am not a doctor, but I do advocate people taking an active role in their diagnoses.

Here is info on BPD https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Border...ality_disorder

The difference is, one is relatively easily managed with medication whereas BPD is a heck of a fight since part of the disease is periods where the patient feels 100% ok and will go off meds and feel 'cured' so they stop treatment. I would recommend discussing this all with your boyfriend, because either bipolar or bpd he needs to see a doctor and be monitored as they can be dangerous illnesses

[Engel]

I am bi-polar and reading about him...that doesnt sound like it to me either. not saying he doesnt have SOMETHING, but everybody freaks out once in a while. I can change my mood 12 times per day when i get into crises, back and forth. maniac, depressive, normal, hypermaniac. and so on, so forth.

[Haley53]

I wouldn't suggest it's Borderline Personality Disorder either, not to mention that medication wouldn't help as much for Borderline, seeing as it's easier to medicate a mood disorder. To me, it doesn't sound like either, because though the "every 6-8 months" might be a pattern, his actual behaviour doesn't show much of one as far as being disordered. It doesn't even sound like a variation of either of the two disorders. A lot of people tend to think that Bipolar is a rapid cycle switch between two moods - "one minute I can be depressed and wanting to end it, and the next I'm hyper and loving life!" - with absolutely no pattern and it's not, not to mention there's a whole lot more to the criteria than being on two ends of the spectrum mood-wise; when diagnosing someone with Bipolar, you have to consider the length, times, patterns, etc. But these days it seems as if Bipolar is as misdiagnosed as Clinical Depression and ADHD, unfortunately. His age is also going to come into play here, especially if you're considering he might have a personality disorder. Most doctors won't consider diagnosing someone under the age of, let's use 21 with a personality disorder (except in some extreme cases) and if they did, I'd run far and fast from that one. Personality disorders are extremely difficult to diagnose, and the diagnostic tools, at least in some places, such as Canada, are, in my opinion, terrible (I disagree with a paper test being administered anywhere); the criteria is complicated and there's so much more to it than what a lot of people can find online, so be wary of categorising him into having a personality disorder merely by eyeing a laundry list of symptoms as well. I also want to note that if it's a personality disorder, it's going to be exhibited everywhere: family, work, friends, and you; his symptoms won't be specific to you and his ex-girlfriend.

To be honest, this doesn't sound much like a disorder to me at all, not with the information you've given here. You've labelled what he has "freak-outs" but to me, these don't scream disorder, even if they do only happen every several months or so, especially since it's the only "symptom" you're really giving/putting up for cross-examination here. To me I would guess it's more a product of alcoholism (even if he's been in recovery from it for a year) or simply a product of who he is. It could be a product of his environment. Is his mother medicated? I have seen people have to deal with unmedicated Bipolar parents, or, as Garnet mentioned, parents who were on the wrong medication, and they have some significant scars from it being as it was a very turbulent childhood. It's possible that what your boyfriend witnessed growing up has left some baggage that he's not yet fully sorted through. Honestly, it sounds like something you could both benefit more from from counselling. Neither the alcohol nor the distance is an excuse for his behaviour, especially not if he's cheating/headed in that direction by sending inappropriate text messages to his ex, to the point her husband PMs you about it. This sounds less like a chemical problem and more like a behavioural problem, to be frank, and maybe how he is in relationships, to be franker, if his ex had to deal with it too. How long ago was the situation with his ex? Perhaps you could talk to him about both seeing a couple's counsellor because of how hurt you were by that situation? To me it sounds like you're facing someone who doesn't know how to be tied down/in a relationship and who makes some pretty pitiful excuses every time he routinely messes up. He fits more the profile of an abuser (pattern-wise, not necessarily behaviour-wise) than someone with Bipolar or Borderline. As opposed to encouraging him to a doctor, I'd encourage counselling. Or seeing a counsellor as a couple. If they start seeing and noting more of a pattern, they'll likely talk to him/the both of you about further treatment, but as for now, it doesn't sound like a disorder but rather a habit that needs to be nipped before it gets worse.