Breaks???

[keypatalina]

Have any of you found that taking a "break" helps or does it hurt in LDR? I'm thinking it may help alleviate the tension, at least on my end...

[anlgp]

I think breaks are INCREDIBLY detrimental to any relationship

[keypatalina]

Yea, that's what I thought too...I'm asking because I'm considering a break since he doesn't seem as invested in the relationship as I do, so I feel a break may actually help in our case.

[Mara]

My thing with relationships is, either we are together and we are both working on our problems/issues or we aren't. There is no in between for me, but I do think that breaks benefit certain people and relationships. It's all about your perception and what you think is best for your relationship.

[squirrelz15]

Well, every relationship is a person's own, and only they can really know what's going on. I suppose it would more or less depend on the reasons. Personally, I don't feel breaks help anything. I feel that you need to be able to work through issues in order for a relationship to work, and that taking a break is basically avoiding that issue. I also feel if my relationship were to get to the point of needing a break it wouldn't be a relationship that would likely last long term, but that's my personal opinion. you will get varying opinions.

[Zephii]

I'm fairly against breaks. Obi and i considered taking a break when we ended up LD again this past September. We woildnt see other people but it would have made it easier if we didnt have to make time for each other or... Try at all. But we agreed that the possibility of it damaging our relationship was real, and that aside, giving up even temporarily because things are hard is not the right thing to do.

I would never consider a break to aid a failing relationship. I'm in or I'm out, that's it. The only time I've ever asked for a break was because I was too scared to outright break up... and thats where it lead of course.

[Sora1101]

It all depends on the situation, in a previous LDR of mine I did something really stupid and my ex got so mad that we decided to take a break so he could sort out his feelings, of course as soon as we went on the break he moved on to another girl, a mutual friend of ours, which hurt me pretty badly. We still talked on occasion and of course I made every excuse I could to talk to him. After that initial period there were a few months when we rarely talked but then all of the sudden after a 6 month break he decided he still wanted to be with me, we got back together but in the end I never really forgave him for hooking up with a friend of mine and we broke up. I guess what I'm trying to say here is the break was long yes, he moved on yes, but there was something that happened in that break that made him want to try again, so they can help, but there's always a cost involved.

[kiara_silver]

I've written my thoughts on this subject before somewhere. Im personally against "breaks" I don't think they work. I guess it depends what you consider a break? If its where your single for awhile, free to do as you please, basically a free pass, i don't think it makes sense, and might as well break up and see if you get back together in the future. To me it just doesn't make sense, like others above said, your either in or your out. But it works for some people, more power to them. I personally am against, and rather stick it out and work through the storm.

[Zapookie]

In my relationship, we don't take breaks. If we have any issues, we sort them out together and work through it. That's what a relationship is about.

[Trethsparr]

It's best to sort out any issues upfront instead of taking a break from them. They'll only still be there once the break is over. If you need a little time to think things out, you can still arrange that with your SO in the context of the relationship.

[Lyric]

I honestly can't imagine any good coming out of a break... but I really can't wrap my head around taking one either.

[Haley53]

I typically tend to feel as though people take breaks for the wrong reasons. Let's say you both took a break still with the intention of remaining exclusive and committed to one another, I still feel as though people tend to use breaking from one another as a last resort, as that last act of desperation to make their point before considering whether or not they really can get through it, and I also tend to think that taking a break is much like running away from a problem. Some would argue that breaks can and have done wonders, but in most cases that I have seen (I can count maybe only one exception), the breaks do not solve anything, nor is the first break the only break. I see a lot of people who scream "break!" every time a problem arises that they don't know how to deal with, and I honestly don't think time apart and playing the whole "distance makes the heart grow fonder" card does anything but mask the problem. It's why breaks can oftentimes be for the same or similar reasons, because no one does any work, and once you get into that habit, your relationship is, in my opinion, to be as blunt as I possibly can, pretty well nonexistent.

My partner and I took about a month long break, and though he can tell me it was purely situational and related to his mother's passing, and even if I do understand his reasons for it, I still can't say I agree with the fact he took it. Understand? Yes. Agree with? No. I wish it would have been handled differently and though he stands behind his reasons, so does he. I think we both regret the way the break was handled, and I think it ended up doing more harm than good, maybe not entirely, because it was what he needed at the time his entire life was turned upside down (and if anyone knows anything, you know you're not completely rational on losing a beloved parent), but it still did its fair bit of damage and I think that's something we're both still working through. Although this might be because I disagree with taking breaks, the fact of the matter is, all it takes is for one partner to disagree with the decision and to disagree with the concept and you're dealing with an additional problem on top of what it is you never really sorted through. My opinion of relationships is that it's really all or nothing. My boyfriend's saving grace was that he never once stopped trying or acting like a boyfriend while we were on "break." He still wore the bracelet I sent him as a symbol of our commitment, still slept with the stuffed animal I sent him, etc. He never crossed boundaries with any other girl. He still tried in our relationship. I think once people go on break, a lot of the time, most people stop trying. Simply because they can.

[chef.rae]

We did that once, and it made matters soooooooooooooooooooooooo much worse. I have been against them ever since. Taking a break is like a band-aid, when you get back together all of your issues will still be there. It's work out the issues together as a team or there is no relationship. It takes two people to have a relationship and two people to work at it, taking breaks is counterproductvie i think.

[keypatalina]

I want to work it out, I don't want the break at all. He says he doesn't want one either, but with no concrete plans for the future and me moving even farther away once I graduate it feels so tense and anxiety-ridden. He's not calling as much, same goes for messages and ichatting...if he wanted to stay where he is, I'd consider moving there but he doesn't want to stay there and has no idea where he wants to go or what he wants to do (just that he doesn't want to move to Florida, where I'm from).

[rubydissolution]

My SO and I took a break shortly after he left bc I couldn't get a grasp on life without him CD with me. At first, it seemed to have worked, but as the weeks tack on I realize that the problems we have haven't gotten better. The break helped me get a grasp on my feelings but they apparently did nothing for him. A break i'm sure will work for some people when both parties are clear what they need to accomplish in said break. Just don't let it bury the real problems you are having, I feel like that's what happened to me. If you are having problems or real issues a break isn't going to fix that. You can't take a break once you get married, so I guess if you have to take a break now, what are you going to do then? That's just my experience with breaks.