Being forced to be in a relationship

[OceanBlue]

I'm feeling bad. My parents and family make me be in a relationship with a guy THEY LIKE. not me. I said lots of times no, I don't want this but they don't listen. They say if I don't go out with this guy, talk to him everyday for hours, they will take away my computer, my phone, my internet, I will have to stop with school and so on...

They don't know about my current boyfriend in Brazil. And if they take away my internet and phone I wont be able to contact my boyfriend in any way. I have no choice. It's so frustrating. I feel horrible everytime I talk to this guy my parents force me to be with. He loves me big time, I know, but he's sooooooo different than how I am. He keeps controlling me, looking me up on the internet, telling me what to do and what not. He's discussing everything with my parents, I dont even know when what happened.

Like once, he took looots of pictures of me from my sister and putted them on his phone background and everywhere else and showed to his whole family. I had no idea, I was so pissed but coudln't say anything. He keeps on telling me how important I am to him but I cant tell him the same. bc its not true, I dont feel ANYTHING towards him. everytime I talk to him something inside me dies, I feel SOOO BAD.

And his dad keeps calling me daughter and he wants me to call him father, but I said I couldnt do tat and he's talking about engagement and stuff. everything is soooo fed up.

I love my boyfriend in Brazil SO SO SOOOO much.

My family is trying to buy me over, they try to be nice now to me so I do what they want from me. But I'm so tired of this, I don't feel home here anymore. I feel like I can't breathe anymore.

Sooo desperate....

[squirrelz15]

I don't really have any advice, but I'm really sorry that you're in that situation. My parents may not like my boyfriend, but at least they don't try and force someone else on me. Is it a culture thing? Is that why they insist on you being with this guy? I'm guessing telling them you're already seeing someone is out of the question. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, it must be incredibly hard

[OceanBlue]

I don't really have any advice, but I'm really sorry that you're in that situation. My parents may not like my boyfriend, but at least they don't try and force someone else on me. Is it a culture thing? Is that why they insist on you being with this guy? I'm guessing telling them you're already seeing someone is out of the question. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, it must be incredibly hard

It is a cultural thing and yes, its out of question, I can't tell them. It is indeed incredible hard.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I'm really sorry, I saw a similar thread on here once and it saddened me then as well =( All I can say to you is nobody should be pressurised into marrying someone they don't want to, regardless of what religion they come from or what their beliefs may be. My belief is that you should be able to marry who you deem worthy and who you love, not who your parents or any other relatives or even guardians deem worthy. You have a right to turn round and say that that is not what you want, although I understand you are constrained by what your parents are saying and what your faith dictates what you can and can't do. However, I can relate to how you feel about your SO in a number of ways. I understand it when you say your love for him is strong. I know what it feels like, after all. My mum always used to tell me that when you meet people in reality, it's different to when you're speaking face to face via webcam. To some degree she's right. In other degrees, she's wrong.

It sounds like you have a deep connection with your SO. This is great =)

But ask yourself these questions: do you want to live for yourself or others? Do you want your happiness to be sacrificed for the sake of your family? Or do you want to sacrifice theirs instead so that you can live the life you obviously want with your SO? I know it's a hard subject to broach when you're only young, I'm only 18 myself, but if this is what your life is going to be decided by in the next few coming months then you need to look into your heart and ask yourself what do YOU really want.

I've tried living my life for others so that they can be happy. It never works and it only ends you up with a broken heart.

I hope what I've said has helped a little. My heart goes out to you. Best of luck and know that should you need any further support, we're all here for you. =)

I said this to someone else, but I think it applies to you as well. I really hope things work out better...

[Ms.Justine]

Hmm this is tricky because I don't really have any advice for you unfortunately...I can only give you my support and hope that everything works out for you in the end. *hugs*

[efish1042]

Ouch... sounds like arranged marriage. I didn't know things like this still went on outside third world countries.
Do you have any idea why they want this particular guy? Also, it sounds like he comes with issues, namely being controlling. That is never a good thing. It can quickly escalate into abuse if let go. Can you talk to your parents about this at all? Let them know you are upset, or need time, or want to be free to choose your own love? Have you discussed this with your SO? He may have more insight than we do and be able to provide more comfort.
I can't imagine what this is like for you. My parents don't like my SO and have kind of pushed another guy on me, but never seriously. Just a hint that they would prefer the other guy. This is just... it blows my mind. I am so sorry.

[Yaaamiii]

Aw gee I'm sorry. It's hard to give any advice because we can't do much about your situation. But I hope everything works out for you.

[Engel]

Does your boyfriend know about all this?
Im sorry you have to go through all that, really. I wish I could help somehow.

[OceanBlue]

I'm really sorry, I saw a similar thread on here once and it saddened me then as well =( All I can say to you is nobody should be pressurised into marrying someone they don't want to, regardless of what religion they come from or what their beliefs may be. My belief is that you should be able to marry who you deem worthy and who you love, not who your parents or any other relatives or even guardians deem worthy. You have a right to turn round and say that that is not what you want, although I understand you are constrained by what your parents are saying and what your faith dictates what you can and can't do. However, I can relate to how you feel about your SO in a number of ways. I understand it when you say your love for him is strong. I know what it feels like, after all. My mum always used to tell me that when you meet people in reality, it's different to when you're speaking face to face via webcam. To some degree she's right. In other degrees, she's wrong.

It sounds like you have a deep connection with your SO. This is great =)

But ask yourself these questions: do you want to live for yourself or others? Do you want your happiness to be sacrificed for the sake of your family? Or do you want to sacrifice theirs instead so that you can live the life you obviously want with your SO? I know it's a hard subject to broach when you're only young, I'm only 18 myself, but if this is what your life is going to be decided by in the next few coming months then you need to look into your heart and ask yourself what do YOU really want.

I've tried living my life for others so that they can be happy. It never works and it only ends you up with a broken heart.

I hope what I've said has helped a little. My heart goes out to you. Best of luck and know that should you need any further support, we're all here for you. =)

I said this to someone else, but I think it applies to you as well. I really hope things work out better...

You're right, I gotta look into my heart and decide, but I don't think I can spend the rest of my life with someone I don't like at all just for the sake of other peoples happiness. If I do that, after a while people will forget it anyway, and I'll be the one suffering.... I just need to think things through very carefully.

Hmm this is tricky because I don't really have any advice for you unfortunately...I can only give you my support and hope that everything works out for you in the end. *hugs*

Thank you... it means a lot

Ouch... sounds like arranged marriage. I didn't know things like this still went on outside third world countries.
Do you have any idea why they want this particular guy? Also, it sounds like he comes with issues, namely being controlling. That is never a good thing. It can quickly escalate into abuse if let go. Can you talk to your parents about this at all? Let them know you are upset, or need time, or want to be free to choose your own love? Have you discussed this with your SO? He may have more insight than we do and be able to provide more comfort.
I can't imagine what this is like for you. My parents don't like my SO and have kind of pushed another guy on me, but never seriously. Just a hint that they would prefer the other guy. This is just... it blows my mind. I am so sorry.

They say he's the only one that will make me happy, which I highly doubt. and I told my parents about him being controlling, they say it's normal and that I wont be able to have guy friends and stuff like that... they were raised in an country where that was normal, but here... no it really isn't, I dunno if I can do that, I've got a lot of guy friends, most of em are guys and I need to give up talking on them too...

Aw gee I'm sorry. It's hard to give any advice because we can't do much about your situation. But I hope everything works out for you.

I know, thank you though

Does your boyfriend know about all this?
Im sorry you have to go through all that, really. I wish I could help somehow.

He does, he knows all about it, I would feel much more worse if he didn't know about it. It's hurting him and he wants me to get the hell out of here. He wants me to move there as soon as I can... but I can't tell him much about what I have to do with this guy because I can see its hurting him, I cant see him hurt like that and thats why I keep every suffering to myself...

[Slats]

I really think you need to be honest to your parents, even though it will result in arguments and tears. Your well-being is more important than anything else, I don't think living to satisfy others and sacrificing yourself would be worth it in the end. Please stand up for yourself.

I'm not sure about Belgium, but here there are support groups, hotlines and social services to support those who experience this kind of oppression. Maybe there's something similar where you live that can offer you advice or help?

[greensweatergirl]

I'm really sorry you're in such a difficult position. It must be awful. I can't begin to imagine me having to choose between school and the person I loved.

I think Slats offered some good suggestions. And while I hope you'll always stay in this forum because there are some great people with great advice to give, I think it may also be helpful to talk to people who have gone or are going through what you're dealing with. Are there any other girls in your family or community who have similar problems? I think even joining a forum for girls facing arranged relationships would be worthwhile. It nothing else, it would give you a space to talk where other people understand better where you're coming from.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not trying to tell you to stop posting because no one here can understand you. I find this forum to be pretty supportive generally. But I really think finding someone who is going or has gone through your particular battle would help a lot.

[Laura_N]

First of all, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds tough, and nobody deserves to be in your position.

What I would like to know though, is it possible for you to move to be with your boyfriend? Are you still living at your parents's house?

You're in a situation where, like others have said, you should really think about you and your well being. If you end up together with the guy your parents want you to be with, you will most likely feel miserable. You said he's controlling, and that's one sign that you should run. Even if telling your parents means fighting or crying, I think that's what you should do. This is your life. You make your decision. You live your life, nobody else gets to do that for you, and you cannot live your life for others.

All the best and luck for you, dear.

[WorshipLove]

hello, I know that this is three years ago but i am curious about your relationship, did you end up with the brazilian guy , or did you get married to the one that your parents chose for you ?

[Ejoriah]

She hasn't logged in in almost three years, I doubt she will now.